Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by al.sa-her, Apr 5, 2015.
In your experience, which method did you find the best to beat an urge? Thank you all in advance
a deep breath
Gratitude breathing + FRC
Can you detail this? Thanks
Take a few slow, deep breaths. Focus on your breathing. Hold your last breath for 10-20 seconds and while breathing out think about something positive you did lately. It should slow your heart rate down and eliminate all the shaking/shivering (this is what I used to get when urges hit me). You might need to repeat it few times – depends how bad it is and what is your experience in breathing routines. But it should get you in the right place for the FRC.
FRC stands for "Face-it"; "Replace-it"; "Connect" from Candeo Behavioral Change program I used to be a member of few years back.
Face your problem head on. What is just happening now? You've got to describe everything in as much detail as you can.
What was the trigger?
(ie. Lonely in my room, feeling abandoned, slightly depressed (emotional triggers); thinking about my ex, who is with someone else.
I'm triggered by a picture of sexy woman in xxxxx (environmental/visual trigger)
Why is my mind triggering me?
My brain is wired to this type of response, I repeated this pattern thousands of times so there is nothing unusual about it. This is my normal way to get my mind to deal with everday problems. My brain really wants to help me get my mind away from the problem, from actually solving the problem. I
What my brain/mind wants me to do now?
It wants the dopamine spike to medicate my everyday life problems.
My limbic system wants me to watch porn/masturbate right now, because this is my trained reaction.
What's going to be the end result?
After all excitement is over I will feel like shit. And I will STILL have to resolve the very problems that caused me to pmo in the first place.
instead of subsiding to the feeling, I will go out for a walk in the park (or call a friend, or go to the gym, go play tennis, run 5 miles, cook a dinner, clean dishes etc.). For me it is always a sequence. First I go for readily available replacement behavior – close computer RIGHT NOW.
Stand up, leave room.
Once I went through it in my mind I get to the practice.
Do my breathing exercise and wash dishes, hoover a room. Anything to keep my mind busy. Activities such as cleaning, walking etc are very good because you can do them quick, right now. Once I slow down my heart rate and get to doing something it's gone. But I carry on – go for a walk, call close person.
From there you can get to more complex things – such as working on something related to your passion, sorting out paper work. Whatever. Soon any thoughts of relapse will be a distant memory. And then another will pass by. If it you catch yourself returning to the porn rut, simply do it again. And again. As many times as it takes. There is no upper limit.
The good thing is that gradually it will come easier and easier. And after few weeks/months it will become a habit. There is a number of repetitions it takes, that will differ from individual to individual. Eventually your mind will go through the process automatically and you will barely notice it. Just as you trained it to arouse you and force to jerk off, you can train it to go the opposite way. Brain works according to the conservation of energy law, so it won't continue triggering you if there is no reward at the end of it. All you got to do is patiently redirect your old thoughts and habitual reactions to the new ones. It seems never ending, annoying, energy draining at the beginning. But always remember that it's temporary and will go away.
FRC scripts work like a charm if you take it seriously and keep adding new scripts, tweak your old ones etc. It's a lot of fun after some time, because you'll literally feel that the way your brain works change.
Also – FRC gives you opportunity to work with your triggers "theoretically". They recommend doing this once a day at least, by simply imagining the trigger (but this is a balancing art, you don't want to get too far and get seriously aroused and relapse) and training your responses to it, so when you're triggered in real life you're prepared.
I'm exposed so many triggers in my everyday life (as I work in entertainment industry) that I don't really need to do this in theory. But I highly recommend it, especially at the beginning.
PS. Technique designed by Mark Queppet from NoFapAcademy is practically identical to Candeo's FRC. He calles it "Willpoer process". This is how he suggest to work it:
"basic example of someone who has just seen a triggering commercial with a swimsuit model and is using the Willpower Process to not turn to porn:
1. Own: “Okay, so I need to take responsibility for my current story and emotion. Well the current story that my subconscious is telling me is ‘Woo she was hot, I want to go look at more pretty girls and masturbate!’ This is creating the feeling of discomfort and urge within me.”
2. Align: “Now I need to align my story to support what I want most. Well, I really want to watch porn, but I know that staying clean and quitting porn is more important to me, so I’ll focus on this story: ‘the desire to watch porn is just a reflex of my brain from training it on porn all these years. I know this urge will pass and I’ll be way happier later if I don’t act on it.’”
3. Execute: “Now I need to act on this new story, so I’m just going to practice my safety behavior and read a book instead of watch porn.”
Different name for the same thing really.
Try to do something else instead. Focus your mind on different things. Leave the place, that at that present moment, leads you to your urges. Besides that, you just need to be strong.
Thanks for taking your time to post this
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