The Beginning Of The Curse's End

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by MindPoison, Jan 30, 2021.

  1. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    Day 0:

    Well, yesterday is where my streak ended. Two nights ago I had a wet dream that caused me not to fall asleep anymore after waking up in the middle of the night yesterday. Caved in to cravings thanks to sleep deprivation. Good news is at least when I masturbated it was to the little bit of sensation that I have down there now, so no porn, or porn fantasies. It's sensitive to touch down there again after so long, but only to a certain extent and barely (and it comes and goes). Oddly, even though the orgasm felt pretty good I felt empty afterwards, like a 'so what?' kind of feeling. I was planning on masturbating maybe once a month after recovering my libido, but after that empty feeling I think I'm going to cut that plan out altogether.

    So here we go again.
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2021
  2. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Well, you haven’t looked at porn for a while, and that’s pretty good. But I’m wondering, what are your intentions regarding women? You mentioned a colleague a few weeks ago, but you don’t seem to be meeting many women right now. Am I mistaken?

    I’m asking this because it’s not clear to me what your intentions are. I think that if a man wants to meet women, that will give him more motivation to stay away from porn and masturbation. Going hard mode is probably beneficial to some guys, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to maintain abstinence indefinitely. At some point, we have to go back in the world and meet people. Just like with Guts: he didn’t think he was cured, but he started dating and then things went well for him sexually. In his success story, he wrote: I should have started dating way before. Everyone is different, but of course we have to ask ourselves what we want and what we’re trying to achieve here.

    Keep it up, man.
  3. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    Thanks man,

    At the moment I'm just trying to weaken the porn pathways so the cravings get weak to a point where they don't interfere with my life. I would like to recover my libido, but at the same time I'm not really actively seeking a relationship. Just recently I've managed to heal some faulty patterns from childhood thanks to some self-therapy, which made me become pretty confident. Before that I used to worry a lot about what others thought of me, or I would worry about what others would think if I said the wrong thing too much, but now that doesn't bother me anymore, and heck, I can flirt easily now which is something I didn't even know I was capable of, so sometimes I do that for fun now. But again, I'm just not looking for a romantic relationship at the moment. I've got other priorities right now, and a relationship would only hold me back from accomplishing my goals (that are unrelated to porn addiction recovery).
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2021
    Deleted User likes this.
  4. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    Day 1:

    Pretty drowsy during the day thanks to yesterday's mishap, but thankfully no chaser effect.
  5. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    Day 2:

    Had a rough night, but thankfully no cravings. Me and my acquaintance we really got to know each other even more today which made me happy. I always like it when I have more meaningful interactions like that rather than the usual superficial interactions. She made me feel understood regarding my not so pleasant past.
  6. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Hi dude,

    2 really great entries after your relapse, they're very satisfying to read.

    Those kind of connections are really special (especially with coworkers), and getting straight back on the reboot horse is impressive too.

    Glad things have been going well, and wishing you more of the same over the coming days.
    MindPoison likes this.
  7. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    Thanks man. Always appreciate the support. At least accomplishing 3 months isn't a dream anymore, so I'll be there again eventually.

    Day 3:

    Pretty smooth day. Man, sucks that not every day can't go by as smooth as this. Slept much better too. Cravings, once again, did not bother me. Been wanting to meditate again for a while, but always keep forgetting to thanks to me being scatterbrained. I used to meditate daily a couple of years ago, but fell out of it for a long time. I'm gonna set up a reminder so I can start this habit again. Gonna try to journal (in my notebook) more often as well.
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2021
  8. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    Day 4:

    Another smooth day gone by. I did journal in my notebook like I mentioned before. Gonna meditate a bit before going to sleep. Sadly, didn't sleep too well last night. Did some exercise to burn off some excess energy I've had. I didn't feel any cravings at all today.
  9. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    Day 5:

    Off from work today. Overall quiet day. Did some cleaning and organizing. No cravings again. Time really flies. It doesn't feel like so many days passed by since I messed up.
    200DaysMission likes this.
  10. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    Day 6:

    Kind of sluggish today. No cravings again.
  11. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    Day 7:

    Learned a new recipe today which turned out pretty well. Work went by smoothly despite being kind of sleep deprived. No cravings once again at least. Forgot to mention that yesterday I gave my coworker a small drawing I made. Really loved how she smiled and her eyes lit up when I gave it to her. Really made me happy.
    200DaysMission likes this.
  12. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    That's such a kind thing to do!
    And it's great that it made you so happy too.

    Lovely that you have that relationship with her, and that she clearly values it.
    Keep building these kind of things! It's great to feel part of the human race, haha.
    MindPoison likes this.
  13. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    Day 9:

    Had a pretty nice day despite still having sleep problems due to brain not wanting to shut off. So this morning I saw the chick whose number I managed to get like two months ago. She's working the day shift again for now. She smiled at me and asked me if I was ready for another day at work cheerfully. I told her no since I haven't been sleeping all that great recently, and I told her that supposedly listening to soft sounds can help a person fall asleep. She suggested I try listening to water sounds on Youtube or something like that. Then I said to her: "Actually, I have a better idea, call me tonight. The sound of a pretty woman's voice always helps me get a good night's sleep."

    Pretty much nailed that, HAHAHA! :D:D:D:p:p:p:p She died laughing.

    Besides the fun stuff that's been going on, cravings for porn and masturbation have been pretty much dead these days, so all is good.
    -Luke- likes this.
  14. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    Day 18:

    The past week's been alright. I've been working out everyday so far. Had two wet dreams during the week, the one that happened last night gave me some pretty annoying cravings today. Nothing that couldn't be controlled at least.
  15. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Well done dude, always a big victory to get through a day of cravings!
    Did the girl call?
    MindPoison likes this.
  16. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    Hey there, sorry for the late reply.

    No, considering how busy she is she barely has time for a social life. Found out she's a single mom not too long after getting her number, but since I'm not looking for anyone at the moment it wasn't a huge let down finding that out. We still do talk whenever we see each other, though.

    Day 24:

    Had a wet dream again last night. I've been taking melatonin pills here and there since the end of August to help regulate my sleep patterns. So far I've been sleeping better compared to most of August. I'm gonna continue taking them at least twice a week. Been exercising regularly also. The first day most of my body was sore, but seems like my body's gotten used to it.
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2021
    200DaysMission likes this.
  17. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    Day 25:

    Another day down!
  18. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    Day 26:

    Almost went on autopilot while browsing Youtube today, but managed to snap myself out of it. Went to work on a still motion animation to test something out, and the cravings went away easily. Slept wonderfully last night.
    -Luke- likes this.
  19. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Great news dude! It's sounding really promising and you seem very self-aware :)
    Congrats on another day beat.
    MindPoison likes this.
  20. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    Day 39:

    Man, it's been a while since I posted here. Been really absorbed in a project I'm working on. So absorbed, in fact, that I haven't even had any strong desire to look up porn or masturbate, only very weak cravings. That, coupled with the mindfulness I've been practicing more, pretty much helped stay clean so far. Coworker's been sick with covid for some time, sent her a funny message to cheer up a bit. Did some organizing today.
    200DaysMission likes this.

Share This Page