The Beginning Of The Curse's End

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by MindPoison, Jan 30, 2021.

  1. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    DAY 83:

    Some cravings today, but not too annoying. Had a nice outing today too, it was pretty refreshing.
     
  2. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    DAY 86:

    Caught a cold, been sick since Tuesday. Got some cravings thanks to sleep deprivation caused by stuffy nose and clogged up ears, but I'm OK. Can't wait for this stupid cold to pass.
     
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  3. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    DAY 90:

    The cold is almost gone, still have a bit of coughing, but that's all. The cravings did get a bit annoying yesterday, I accidentally came across a sexy video, needless to say my brain was like duuuuuuh, but I'm better now. Finally made it to 3 months.
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2021
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  4. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    DAY 0:

    Well, yesterday I screwed up, sadly. That video from yesterday replayed in my head again, and it led to down into looking up porn. I didn't masturbate to the porn, managed to shut it down, but I did cave in to the cravings that came after. So with that I begin at day zero of no orgasms once more. -_- But oh well.
     
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  5. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    I'm happy to know that my progress inspired you. No worries, I'll get there again eventually for sure.
     
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  6. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    DAY 1:

    I felt kinda lethargic today thanks to yesterday's orgasm; I still did manage to get some things done, but I didn't feel like doing much. Cravings to masturbate again were there but weren't too much of a problem.
     
  7. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    DAY 2:

    Had a pretty good day today at work. Cravings weren't there today, and my mood and energy were overall pretty good. The sluggishness of the first day is pretty much gone, thankfully. One thing I'm definitely gonna start doing is be more mindful of touching my penis. I know most of us probably have that habit of cupping ones genitals when at home, but according to Gary's website it's not such a good idea, so it's best to only touch down there when showering or peeing.
     
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2021
  8. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    DAY 3:

    Another nice day. Cravings were barely there and got to work a lot on my creative projects. Been sleeping better these days too.
     
  9. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    DAY 4:

    Another easy day gone by. I slept so so, but I had no problems with cravings to masturbate. Thank goodness.
     
  10. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    DAY 5:

    Had a wet dream last night, other than that not a hard day.
     
  11. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    DAY 0:

    Sadly, I barely got any sleep, so the cravings were pretty strong during the day. Just goes to show you how important getting a good night's sleep is in maintaining your willpower. Didn't watch porn, but did masturbate. Okay, no more playing games, this time it's serious. :mad::mad::mad:
    On a positive note, the orgasms have gotten stronger, they used to be so weak in the past, but now they actually feel good, guess my brain's managed to heal my dopamine receptors pretty well thanks to the 90 day streak I had. Something tells me rewiring's the last step I need to take to finally healing completely, but sadly, I'm not in a relationship at the moment, and where I live the women aren't exactly relationship material either (it's a pretty small community). Been wanting to move abroad, but thanks to Covid and financial problems I haven't been able to go through with this plan yet.
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2021
  12. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Sorry to hear this. Just try your best to get back on the horse, and it will be all right. Don’t worry about rewiring either. In some ways, hard mode is probably the best way to heal, because you can really give your system a complete break.

    It will be all right, man. You’ve been at this for a long time, and you’re doing good. You just need to bring this a step forward. Before you know it, porn and ED will be a thing of the past for you.
     
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  13. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Bro i am following your journal, we share the same symptoms,i read that your pied is worse after you do sports, and during the evenings right? I read this in one of your comments.

    Do you still have pied?

    When you have urges, are you naturally genuinely horny or just out of boredom and the need for a dopamine fix?
     
  14. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    It's not genuine horniness, dude. It's basically the dopamine fix my brain is after, I still have PIED. That's why I've been focusing on keeping those cravings down in my journal since porn isn't such a huge problem anymore, but the cravings for an orgasm still are. Best way to describe it is that it's like something possesses my mind and starts rationalizing why it's a good idea to go through with it (i.e masturbating is natural, it won't do you any harm like porn does etc), but it tends to be pretty bad when I sleep badly since my willpower tends to be pretty low then. During the 90 day streak I was sleeping alright often, so the cravings weren't a huge problem, so I was able to make it that far.
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2021
  15. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    Thanks for your support, man. Really means a lot. And you're right, I do have to take it a step forward, after finally making 90 days this is unacceptable. Oddly enough, I don't feel lethargic today like I did last week when I watched porn and then masturbated without watching it. Looks like Gary was right, without porn the dopamine receptors don't go in overdrive, so the 'hangover' effects tend to be a lot less.
     
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  16. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    DAY 1:

    As I've mentioned before, despite last night's orgasm I didn't feel lethargic, thankfully. My brain didn't crave for another dopamine fix today, I'm pretty much numb down there.
     
  17. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    DAY 2:

    Minor cravings for a dopamine fix that were barely there, nothing annoying, the day went by easily. Most of the time these cravings for masturbation are so weak that sometimes I get a weak erection, but my penis becomes flaccid almost immediately after, or there's no erection at all despite my addict brain trying to convince me, and this time there wasn't despite my brain asking for it. Whenever I did cave in it was like I had gotten possessed by something, and my erection was almost completely hard (it wasn't rock solid, but almost there). Last night I woke up with morning wood before taking a quick trip to the bathroom, and also when I woke up once the sun had risen.
     
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2021
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  18. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    I also go through these windows where there are days i have cravings, i feel sensitive, very responsive to touch and occasionally trigger semi or full erections by thoughts, and also PE signs because it feels so good down there. It seems like short windows of recovery then dive in into a flatline again, where my penis is irresponsive and gets semi hard at best, cold glans, shrinkage, and numbness. This is going for 9 months now with only one relapse.
    Before pied, i always had constant masturbation urges, i realize now those were instense dopamine cravings, 24/7 sex thoughts and hyper sexuality which is now has become hyposexuality because of pied. When i I didn't have pied my junk responded everytime i touched it and could do it even when i was sick in bed and wasn't horny. Now it only responds when my natural libido is triggered. So that's when i don't feel shrinkage, cold penis, and numbness. Sometimes i doubt my condition is pied, but readings similar symptoms on other people, gives me hope.

    Stay presistent bro. My anti pmo defense is each time i am about to relapse, i remember my failed attempts to have sex, lose virginity which something i have ways dreamed of and then not feeling anything, it wasn't even enjoyable, felt asexual and i had to fake excitement in order not to hurt the girls feelings. Mind you, i am a severe case and porn didn't make me hard too.
    Now after two streaks of 70 days and 160 days , not nearly recovered... Besides these windows where suddenly i feel horny and thinking about sex becomes enjoyable. I would say I am flatlining 75% of the time and the flatline is always deeper and more severe at the end of the day, after jogging, training.. which is killing me and making me doubt it's pied, because no one besides you here has talked about this symptom. It could be adrenal fatigue as you discussed in older comments with another user.
    Sorry for writing too long on your thread, i will have my own journal soon.
     
  19. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    Nah, no worries, I don't have any problems with other people posting their thoughts here regarding this addiction. Funny that you mention feeling suddenly sensitive down there. Just a few hours ago I was able to get semi-hard from touch alone, but sadly it was short lived. Not the first time it's happened either.

    One thing that's helped me stay away from porn is by treating my computer only for my creative projects and other stuff that's not porn related, and if I visit a porn site I reinstall everything on it. I was never comfortable using my creative work computer for also looking at porn, so the psychological blockage actually helped a lot, plus, similar to what you've mentioned, I don't want to be in a flatline for the rest of my life.

    So hold up, you also noticed your penis shrivel up after exercising too???? I thought it was some weird coincidence, I didn't want to sound like I was BS-ing anyone here since I can't really confirm that it somehow affects the flatline since there are times when my flaccid hangs lower and other times when it's shriveled up anyhow, but looks like there might be something to it after all if you're also getting it.
     
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2021
  20. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    DAY 3:

    This morning I woke up with morning wood again, a pretty hard one too. I didn't have any cravings to masturbate today, but I did manage to get semi-hard from touch which didn't last long. Interestingly, even though it felt good to touch down there, and I got somewhat hard, I had no desire to masturbate anyhow.
     

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