Hey there, NewStart19, thanks for reading my journal. Well, it's never too late to start. I've never been able to make it past 2 months before I started journalling here again after so long. Journalling here where other people can read this is pretty motivational. I would've caved in for sure days ago had I not been writing my progress here. This addiction isn't something one can overcome by themselves, at least not as effectively unfortunately.
DAY 67: Cravings again today, unfortunately this time with some porn memories that crept in during work. Been sleeping better these days, thankfully. I've been thinking of scheduling my days again like I used to in the past, though, I've got to see how to go about doing this, whether to make the schedule on paper or digital, and to see how not to make it too robotic. I'd figure it'd help me a lot with boosting productivity hence why I'm interested in trying it out again.
DAY 68: Some minor cravings that occurred in the shower which went away in less than 30 seconds. Bought a guitar today, so that's another thing I can do alongside my main hobbies (writing and drawing).
DAY 69: Pretty peaceful day today, no cravings, though kinda sleep deprived due to waking up too early.
DAY 70: Easy day today, no cravings. Also, one thing I've noted now, the few times I did get aroused before I didn't have semen leakage. Usually, if I get an erection I would have a bit of semen leakage afterwards, but seems like that stopped.
DAY 72: Pretty lousy day, came across some thumbnails on Youtube that were pretty sexualized, got some annoying cravings afterwards. I'm okay now, but dang it. Almost forgot to mention that semen leakage is still there, but looks like it's become a rare occurrence, at least.
DAY 74: No cravings today. I tried out scheduling my day today, and so far it went pretty good; I felt like I really made good use of my time.
DAY 77: Had a wet dream last night. One weird thing I've noticed about the few wet dreams I've had before including this one is that all of them involved seeing myself ejaculate. It's like my brain doesn't have a reference for sexual images anymore; if I even try to think about something sexual it's either extremely blurry or it's like my brain is trying to reach into an empty space for something that isn't there anymore. I'm not sure how to explain it, but it's like my mind's eye isn't able to paint a clear picture of this stuff anymore, and even if I try it's unable to properly.
DAY 79: I forgot to write the day before yesterday, so I'll just make an entry for yesterday instead. The day was busy like crazy, and no cravings.
DAY 80: Overall easy day. Finished the art workshop I was attending, now I have the evenings free again during the week, hurray. Zero desire to masturbate today also. Currently working on other projects in the meantime.
DAY 81: Another day gone by, no desire to masturbate. I feel like I just entered the darkest phase of the flatline: absolute asexuality, and boy does it suck. When I was like thirteen/fourteen I used to be able to get hard just looking at women's butts (in real life, not just pictures), now look where I am today. But oh well, I ain't giving up, as long as I've got plenty of energy to be productive it makes up for the asexuality to some extent.
Sorry to hear that MindPoison, but maybe it's a sign that you're now in the middle of the curse's end.
DAY 82: Woke up with a pretty hard morning wood. Had some cravings at night that went away quickly afterwards.