Well here I am. 27 years old, started watching P in the fourth grade, and for the first time I openly say, "i am an addict. It strated with late night cinemax, the Internet came along, and I was soon M almost every day. At no time did I live without P in my life, always suffering social anxiety, especially with girls. I spent years fixated on sex, and unable to be romantic, because there was only one purpose I found from women. The progression of my addiction lead me to seek out genres of P that I had no natural interest in. The shame and guilt I felt from this drove me into absolute secrecy. I knew anyone who knew what I did in privacy would hate me, and was never able to confide in my SO. After few lasting relationships, I met a wonderful girl, fell in love. We moved away together and both knew that we would be getting married (she would have said yes if I had a ring by now). The initial optimism I had from the relationship helped me curb my addiction, reduce the ammount of time I spent with P, and refrain from the more deviant genres. Then, my addiction gained a head of steam. I acted out everytime I was alone, when I was at work, when my SO was asleep in the other room, just about every chance I had. I was covering my tracks using privacy settings on my browser, clearing the history on my phone, and not keeping any of the more questionable stuff on my computer.I got sloppy, and more active, sometimes forgetting to turn privacy on. She found some disturbing search terms on my phone. Then at home she found hidden camera recordings I made of girls at work, and some very deviant sites in my browser history. I ignored my problems, and let the progression of my addiction take a dark turn on its way to illegal content. I have seen illegal content in the past, but was able to decidedly stay away. Finally, someone had discovered the extent of my affliction. Only now, after admitting to her (and through that myself) that I have a problem, do I realize how it has impacted my life. Because she is wonderful, she has agreed to work through this if I put in the effort. I am not proud of what I have done, and I don't have a natural attraction to the things I started searching for. So here I go, finally on the path to recovery. The couch is where I sleep, and physical contact is off the table for the time. I looked up SAA in my area, and contacted a counselor, though without insurance it will be hard to see one regularly. I will try and check in here, to keep myself accountable. She is so wonderful, and committed to our relationship that she has agreed to try as long as I do. So here I am.