I chose LTE as a username because LTE stands for Long Term Evolution and my problems are long term indeed. I have always had a weakness for erotic material, even as a small child. There was none available in the home I grew up in but almost anything even slightly revealing could arouse me and I could and would remain aroused for hours on end. I started masturbating at 14 and was chronic for years. Eventually I got married to a wonderful woman but, predictably, masturbation undermined the marriage. Over the years I've gotten much less prone to masturbate and had some long-term successes but also some relapses. Strangely, the problem came back when I started into a relationship with another woman, a person I love deeply. We have not been intimate, she's in no hurry and I respect that. Unfortunately, when I'm around her I find that my level of desire increases and, on occasion, I've lapsed into Internet PMO. I found yourbrainonporn quite accidentally just a few days ago while surfing for porn. I read the information and was astounded. It answered questions I've had for decades. I always felt that my porn weakness and the fapping that accompanied it were not actually sexual in nature. I felt like it was something different entirely. A good round of sex was entirely different that a fapping session. What puzzled me the most was the fact that in my day-to-day life I don't desire an exciting sex life. I am very much a one woman man and want a stable marriage. I have an eye for beauty but have matured enough to realize that it is only skin deep. What I want most in life is a companion and friend that I can share my life with. I'm a soft-hearted guy that wants a natural relationship with a woman but my PMO has ruined my life. The dopamine cycle described at yourbrainonporn has made sense of all this and I started a reboot the moment I read it. Just understanding the process is a huge advantage. Years ago, I actually tried to research some of this for myself but there wasn't much available. Talking to a doctor resulted in "masturbation is normal" which was useless and false information. I used to be religious and sought help there only to be ridiculed, gossiped about and scorned. The info at yourbrainonporn and this forum is priceless. BTW, after only three days of reboot I feel better. I never used to be able to understand how a man could be attracted to an overweight woman but just today I felt my attitude change. I realize that having a partner is one of life's finest gifts and that we all need to keep our standards realistic. Thanks for being here.
Your Story is not very different from mine. I also was not comfortable with porn use, but I thought it was the way how it is. After finding YBOP, I startet the very day, now one Month back. According to beauty, standards etc: My wife is not really overweight, but has some roundings and paddings. During staying away from Porn, I find her always nicer, lovelier and more attractive. Our love has grown. Men have to find as well the inner places and qualities of a women. Wich means also places even she isn't aware. Or should I say: To wake up something in her? Just go your way! And have a plan how to go!
Since you're new like I am, we're you surprised at the number of men on this forum, and how many of their stories paralleled yours? I was SHOCKED to see the amount of activity here. With the amount of porn out there, and the blasé attitude towards it from the general public, I thought what I was doing was OK, until the time came when I couldn't get the job done with my wife of 43 years...then I stumbled upon YBOP, it was an epiphany. How could I not see the obvious? The iPad made it even easier to dig myself a deeper hole, but I'm crawling out, like you, and looking forward to a more rewarding normal sex life, instead of wasting all those hours (like you, I started down the wrong path at age 14) with my "girlfriends"... You are doing yourself a huge favor...stick with it, and feel strong...
I read some of your posts earlier and, indeed, saw some common ground. It's great to know that I'm not the only fighting these problems. When I was 14, I was ashamed to admit that I masturbated and even at the time I realized that my 3-4 times per day was not normal. (BTW, I started masturbating after a neighbor kid showed me some hardcore porn he had found among his stepfather's possessions. To this day I remember those images.) As I got older the shame increased. At 21 I felt like a loser because of it but I'd also seek out porn, rummaging through the magazine racks at convenience stores and newsstands. In my mid 20s I sought counseling from a clergyman and the first person I talked to actually understood and wanted to help. Unfortunately I moved and the next people I asked for help returned only scorn and shame. They also violated confidentiality and soon most of my acquaintances had gotten the word. I will never make that mistake again. Every milestone of age brought more shame and self consciousness but I never could quite get the monkey off of my back. I was ashamed to masturbate habitually in my thirties, even more ashamed in my forties and by the time I was fifty I had given up on ever quitting. In the last ten years I've gotten away from the chronic MO behavior but still have occasionally binged on Internet PMO. It seems to happen under certain kinds of stress, other types of stress don't push me in that direction at all. I'm at the end of day four of the reboot process and, for the most part feeling good. Interestingly, I've experienced something I read about in the posts of other members. Today, I had two very pleasant encounters with women that I deal with frequently in the course of my day. With no prodding on my part, both of these women seemed to want to engage me in lengthy conversation, making eye contact and acting very relaxed in my presence. Neither of them were coming on to me, both are happily married, but both of them seemed eager to talk to me in a way they hadn't been before. It was very pleasant and not it the slightest bit erotic. This is a very happy experience for me because I enjoy women and do not harbor any real-world desire to have intimate relations with many women. Like I said in my original post, I'm a one man dog. I have only ever wanted monogamy. Unfortunately, my problems made it impossible to hold up my end of the bargain and there are several women out there that have good reason to despise me.
You've got that right. I had no idea the scope of this problem. It's heartwarming to see how many men are facing this problem and improving their lives. I appreciate the encouragement.
Hi LTE, Great that you have found YBR and YBOP, lots of really great people here with so much experience. The thing I notice and at the forum I was at during a long reboot last year, is the honesty. I know we are anonymous, but still guys pour their heart out and share so much with each other. Very inspirational. It is nice to know we are not alone. I think this is a huge issue, just most guys I know deny it being a problem. Stay Strong.
I'm at the end of day four of the reboot process and, for the most part feeling good. Interestingly, I've experienced something I read about in the posts of other members. Today, I had two very pleasant encounters with women that I sea with frequently in the course of my day. With no prodding on my part, both of these women seemed to want to engage me in lengthy conversation, making eye contact and acting very relaxed in my presence. Neither of them were coming on to me, both are happily married, but both of them seemed eager to talk to me in a way they hadn't been before. It was very pleasant and not it the slightest bit erotic. This is a very happy experience for me because I enjoy women and do not harbor any real-world desire to have intimate relations with many women. Like I said in my original post, I'm a one man dog. I have only ever wanted monogamy. Unfortunately, my problems made it impossible to hold up my end of the bargain and there are several women out there that have good reason to despise me. [/quote] This is exactly my experience. Just talking to other women and seeing how they are. Not being fixed to the sex/nosex scheme. Women being other than us men, bringing flavour in the world. And to talk to men as well and experiencing community. I made a plan to invite some of my younger relatives and acquaintances to a meeting of the "Heroes at the hearth", which means cooking together and then dining with the accompanying women. Should be a great fun, having time only for men, and then the women joining. Just go on and feel strong!
Thanks for the encouragement YO. I agree completely that women bring flavour into the world. As I've matured I've come to realize that this world would be a very empty place without women, even if there were billions of men. It's not just for sex that we need them, it's because, somehow, a woman brings something into a situation that a man does not. If men alone ruled the world it would be a drab place.
Yes but something is worrying me also: We Guys are on the retreat. Girls are more sucessful in school and business, they are even capable to care for income, child raising, household matters... And what we men are doing? Behind the computer screen or on special meeting places just try to be occupied? - keeping us away from the road and the drinking hall but being somehow useless... You see, there is a task for us: Changing soft, hiding men in Guys of Purpose! (and still collecting points to ger full menber...)
I'm with you 100%. I believe that women should be afforded every opportunity possible and should be treated equally but . . . in some cases the pendulum has swung in the other direction and men have become "the second sex" which is not good either. Ultimately, everyone needs to be equal and we need to have success in life. The thing is, this isn't a war. Men can succeed without holding women back from success and women can succeed without holding me back from success. We need each other, as genders, in order to complete the (human) race. I'm successful in life, so is the lady I love. Both of us have worked hard for that success and both of us appreciates each other's success. I wouldn't have it any other way.
BTW, feeling great as I reach the end of day 5. Energetic, happy, optimistic and at peace. My genitalia are slightly achy but nothing I can't live with. Looking forward to some serious exercise again tonight.
As I close in on the end of my sixth day porn free I'm feeling pretty darn good. Yesterday I woke up 1/2 hour early and went on into work. I had a great day although there was some stress (due to the work I was doing). Looking forward to the weekend. Apparently I have walked into some substance that drives women wild because I've noticed, again, that women seem friendlier. Nothing lusty, just pleasant and nice. If I were in the market for a girlfriend my options would be great . . . but someone already has first right of refusal and I want to see where that ends up. I actually do have a theory on why so many guys experience friendly treatment from women once they reboot. Here goes: Using myself as an example, ever since puberty I've had a monkey on my back. PMO had control, not me. Knowing why this happens and how it works has given me new confidence. The monkey (on my back) doesn't scare me any more. Up until this time in my life, every relationship I've had was tainted with fear because I knew that the monkey could return at any time and demand its due. Realizing the cycle involved has given me a sense of being in control. I know the monkey's trick and know that I am not under his power. Hence; when I see a woman, I feel like a real man . . . perhaps for the first time in my life. I feel like I am up to the task of being someone's mate. I feel like I actually am as good as the next man. It's not a manic thing, I just feel confident and confidence, IMHO, attracts women. Feeling great inside and out. Ciao
Thanks. I feel like I've developed a new understanding of what I had previously thought were my sexual feelings. Sex had a huge taboo character to it which, no doubt, made porn more enticing. Like I mentioned at the beginning, I have had a weakness for erotic material since childhood. I wasn't exposed to much but whenever it was available I was in a state of excitement. Now that I understand the dopamine process it all makes sense. What is beautiful is the fact that I don't have outrageous responses to anything having to do with sex since I learned the true nature of this addiction. I, apparently, have started the mental process of separating the subject of sex from the dopamine rush of porn. I've been researching Karezza and find it interesting and beautiful but I don't find it erotic. This world we live in must be pretty far outta whack to have so effectively degraded life's most beautiful experience into something so ugly and dangerous.
Thanks Stemcell. Likewise for you. So far, so good. I'm feeling great, no major problems to report. My prostate seems happy and healthy. I was up for my mid-night pee, not related to abstinence, and decided to log in before going back to sleep.
A positive new development. I've had an interesting thing happen. Something I consider very positive. Before learning how to M I enjoyed the sensation of erection. The harder it was and the more I ached the more I enjoyed it. Then a neighbor kid showed me some hard-core pictures and "beat-off" in front of me. I went home and spent the rest of the day in the toilet trying to accomplish the same thing. Once I had, every erection ended in M or frustration. I had instantly become a chronic masturbator and the erection had become my mortal enemy. Every time I felt even the slightest stirring in my loins I was in a life or death struggle for control, a struggle that has lasted over four decades. Understanding the process has helped immensely. Now, if I experience an erection I remain in control of the situation. The strange thing is that I'm beginning to enjoy the occasional moment of erection (not porn-stimulated BTW). If it happens I just keep on, go about my business and don't even give a thought to "satisfying" it. My dick is no longer controlling the situation, my mind is the boss. Here's the greatest significance to me. Up until this point abstinence has been an endurance contest. I was PMO free for three months before I got married but I was walking on eggshells the whole time, praying (literally) to make it to my wedding night without giving in. IOW, it was an untenable, unsustainable situation. Had that engagement been broken off I would have binged on porn and wanked until I couldn't stand it. My dick was still calling the shots, all I had been doing was holding it at bay like a lion tamer with a whip and a chair. I stayed clean for about two years into my marriage but exposure to porn in the workplace set me down the wrong path once again and a loving marriage withered to a slow and agonizing death over the next few years. Eventually sex became a chore that I loathed and my poor ex-wife probably thought that she had lost her appeal to me. For me, at least, this isn't about defeating an enemy. It's about re-establishing the chain of authority in my life. My dick is back where it belongs, in my pants with no voting power, no veto power. It isn't allowed to overrule my mind or place itself anywhere in my decision making process. The only time my dick has any voice whatsoever is when I need to urinate. I'll listen to its advice on that matter. Something else is happening too. I'm not dieting any more but my weight is slowly heading downward. I tried an experiment once, some time back. I spent time with a naturally slender person and "shadowed" their eating habits. I ate more than I normally did and I lost weight. ??????!!!!!!! Actually, I've done this at least twice with two different people and it worked like magic. My theory on this is simple, food was no longer calling the shots, I was. In the last few days, as I've felt the effects of healing at work within me, I've resolved to do the same thing. Instead of looking at food as an enemy to vanquish I see it as something I am in control of. If in hungry I eat but I don't let myself binge. Just a week ago I would have had breakfast, grabbed a snack shortly thereafter and starved the rest of the day just to keep my weight under control. This week I've eaten all of my meals daily and lost a couple of pounds without starving. I'm beginning to see that true healing is entirely possible.
LTE, One of the biggest revelations in healthy eating is that, for many people, eating more frequent, smaller meals results in long term weight loss as opposed to starving yourself. I lose and maintain my body weight much better when I eat 5 to 6 small but nutritious meals per day versus trying to eat one big meal and two smaller meals- for example. When I eat less meals; by the time my next meal time come around, 5 or 6 hours later, I am ready to chew my arm off resulting in poor choices (fried everything) and over eating. Enjoyed your posts. Very helpful and enlightening.
I find myself getting healthier in every respect when rebooting, this time and my last long reboot. I want to take better care of myself, exercise , groom and dress better. That all makes my wife happier and so on...
It's amazing, isn't it? Just before I hopped online to check my journal I was thinking about dress and grooming myself. Losing 20 pounds would definitely make it easier to be fashionable. I'd love to dress just a bit better.
Another day. Feeling good and confident. Had a minor personal setback yesterday but no tendency to PMO in response. For decades, I've been in fear of my own genitals, afraid that they would ask for attention and that I would have to oblige. NUTS! They can ask all they want, but they aren't getting any attention in the way of MO. For me, at least, this is a major breakthrough. I'm a little blue-balled this morning but WTH! I'm going about my business and not running from my genitals or their cry for attention. It's like the difference between hoping that no one calls you and just refusing to answer the phone. The first is beyond your direct control, the second is within your direct control. I don't encourage my genitalia to "call". I don't dwell on sexual subjects unnecessarily or seek entertainment that could be erotic but if I have a moment of erotic feeling I don't accept the call. To my way of thinking this is the most realistic way to deal with it. The alternative left me fearful and feeling like I had lost control if the "call came in" from my genitals. My moving my response to a realm that is 100% within my control I am now able to discourage unwanted erotic desire in a realistic way.
