Please, someone help!! :'( I desperately want and need help... I'm 17, and the first time I saw porn I was 9/10. All I can say is that I wish that I never did, and I hate myself for it! It was an accident, I found a site online by accident, but after that it became intentional. It started with pictures, they progressed to becoming more explicit, and then I found videos. I would be on sites for hours, late at night, and it seemed like I couldnt stop. I felt dirty, ashamed, I had no one to talk to...I felt alone. The things I began to search for became increasingly graphic, and it got to a point where I thought that straight porn was too harsh, violent, demeaning towards the women involved...so I started to look at lesbian porn because it seemed more gentle and less violent. The thing is, I dont even like girls!! I looked at straight porn from time to time, but I began to look at lesbian porn more and more, and grew to even prefer it. Is that because my brain was becoming rewired to find what I was watching attractive? I was very young, about to begin puberty, so I guess my brain was still developing. I was discovered maybe a year or two later by my oldest brother and mom, and I stopped on my own, due to the immense shame and guilt I felt. I lasted for a year(I was in 6th grade), before I started up again. I've been doing it on and off ever since, watching lesbian porn, straight porn(the straight porn that I began to watch was more romantic, more kissing, touching, things like that...and I prefer that wayyyy more to the lesbian porn, which I think I continued to watch because it was out of habit; familiar...) I've watched hentai(which is anime--kinda like cartoons--porn) and some creepy things that I would never like in real life, at all!! Its like when im turned on, and watching porn, I'll watch a lot of things that Im not normally attracted to...I feel like some sort of gross, disgusting pervert. I want to stop for myself, and I think of my bf, who I know wouldn't want me watching porn when im aroused instead of going to him...Should I tell him? Im afraid that if I tell him, he'll think that I like girls and might wanna leave me...or think that im weird and gross... :'( :'( :'( I've never wanted to be with girls, never wanted to kiss a girl or anything like that...so why do I like to watch that stuff? I wanna stop cus I dont want the porn in my life anymore. I hate how it makes me feel afterwards, the guilt, the shame...I feel physically ill afterwards. I wanna hide, I feel so much shame that I dont want to talk to anyone afterwards because of what I'm hiding. I dont feel like me. I feel like im carrying this gross secret...and I am. I am I am I am! :'( I also dont wanna turn to pixels on a screen when Im aroused. The feelings that I get when my bf holds and kisses me and gives me affection is a million times better than the feelings I get when I watch porn. When I watch porn, I only get feelings....down there. But when I feel his touch, I feel things in my WHOLE body...my heart, my mind, and yes down there, my everything, and its so much more fulfilling, and I just wanna stop! I haven't watched in a month, and I dont wanna watch it ever again! The weird thing is, I've never masturbated a day in my life, not to porn, not when im aroused...never, but I still get turned on by things. Is that weird? Im at the point when I watch porn, Im asking myself, why am I watching this? Why? Lesbian porn is becoming boring to me now, but I still watch it...porn in general is boring to me now, and I still watch it...I just wanna cry right now, and I have no one to turn to. Thanks for reading... Is there hope??