Teen girl here...really embarassed...

Discussion in 'Women' started by Questions1, May 25, 2014.

  1. Questions1

    Questions1 New Member

    Please, someone help!! :'(

    I desperately want and need help...

    I'm 17, and the first time I saw porn I was 9/10. All I can say is that I wish that I never did, and I hate myself for it! It was an accident, I found a site online by accident, but after that it became intentional. It started with pictures, they progressed to becoming more explicit, and then I found videos. I would be on sites for hours, late at night, and it seemed like I couldnt stop. I felt dirty, ashamed, I had no one to talk to...I felt alone. The things I began to search for became increasingly graphic, and it got to a point where I thought that straight porn was too harsh, violent, demeaning towards the women involved...so I started to look at lesbian porn because it seemed more gentle and less violent. The thing is, I dont even like girls!! I looked at straight porn from time to time, but I began to look at lesbian porn more and more, and grew to even prefer it. Is that because my brain was becoming rewired to find what I was watching attractive? I was very young, about to begin puberty, so I guess my brain was still developing.

    I was discovered maybe a year or two later by my oldest brother and mom, and I stopped on my own, due to the immense shame and guilt I felt. I lasted for a year(I was in 6th grade), before I started up again. I've been doing it on and off ever since, watching lesbian porn, straight porn(the straight porn that I began to watch was more romantic, more kissing, touching, things like that...and I prefer that wayyyy more to the lesbian porn, which I think I continued to watch because it was out of habit; familiar...) I've watched hentai(which is anime--kinda like cartoons--porn) and some creepy things that I would never like in real life, at all!! Its like when im turned on, and watching porn, I'll watch a lot of things that Im not normally attracted to...I feel like some sort of gross, disgusting pervert. I want to stop for myself, and I think of my bf, who I know wouldn't want me watching porn when im aroused instead of going to him...Should I tell him? Im afraid that if I tell him, he'll think that I like girls and might wanna leave me...or think that im weird and gross... :'( :'( :'( I've never wanted to be with girls, never wanted to kiss a girl or anything like that...so why do I like to watch that stuff?

    I wanna stop cus I dont want the porn in my life anymore. I hate how it makes me feel afterwards, the guilt, the shame...I feel physically ill afterwards. I wanna hide, I feel so much shame that I dont want to talk to anyone afterwards because of what I'm hiding. I dont feel like me. I feel like im carrying this gross secret...and I am. I am I am I am! :'( I also dont wanna turn to pixels on a screen when Im aroused. The feelings that I get when my bf holds and kisses me and gives me affection is a million times better than the feelings I get when I watch porn. When I watch porn, I only get feelings....down there. But when I feel his touch, I feel things in my WHOLE body...my heart, my mind, and yes down there, my everything, and its so much more fulfilling, and I just wanna stop! I haven't watched in a month, and I dont wanna watch it ever again!

    The weird thing is, I've never masturbated a day in my life, not to porn, not when im aroused...never, but I still get turned on by things. Is that weird?

    Im at the point when I watch porn, Im asking myself, why am I watching this? Why? Lesbian porn is becoming boring to me now, but I still watch it...porn in general is boring to me now, and I still watch it...I just wanna cry right now, and I have no one to turn to.

    Thanks for reading...

    Is there hope??
  2. Aaron92

    Aaron92 New Member

    Hello and welcome, I think what's happened to you is morphing sexual tastes- where you end up watching stuff that you don't even find really attractive:
  3. Joo

    Joo Guest

    First off all good that you speak out about it. You are definetely not the only girl dealing with this sort of problem. Consider yourself lucky for realising porn isn't doing you any good. As Aaron92 said you have wired your brain to get excited by watching lesbian porn. If you avoid it long enough the attraction of it should slowly fade away. Did I understand correct when you said you haven't watched any porn for a month now? If so then it shouldn't be too big of a problem for you to stop using artificial stimulation completely. You will recover.
    You said it's becoming boring to you, I would say that's a good sign. Now you just need to replace this old habit with something new. Ask yourself in what kind of situation you turn to porn and create a new healthy habit for those situations. Like reading a book, go for a jog, meditate.

    It's really sad to see that young kids fall prey to porn.
  4. nevergoodenough

    nevergoodenough New Member

    Hi there. I'm not a porn addict, but my husband is, I have two kids, 12 yr old girl and 10 yr old boy. And reading this just breaks my heart. It infuriates me to no end that porn is so readily available to the point our children are becoming addicts. This isn't just an adult male issue. I don't really have any advice, just support. If you'd like to talk you feel free to message me. I just imagine one of my kids becoming addicted to this, and even tho we are a very open family, this is one of those things that's hard to talk about. Of course even now we talk about the dangers of it.
  5. Ryan94

    Ryan94 Began my life again on 21/03/2014 - Nowruz

    Here's two girls in a similar situation to you. There's more, but i can't remember them right now:

    Good luck!
  6. Mrominov

    Mrominov New Member

    Awe hunny, I'm sorry you feel so uncomfortable by all of this. You just need to slowly change the way you think about certain things but start slow if you need to vent you can always message me to talk further.
    Newwaynewlife likes this.
  7. 1Deep1

    1Deep1 New Member

    Of course you need cut off PMO(pornography,mastubation, orgasm). You will see differences in your liking just after 3 weeks(hopefully).
    Basis of rebooting:
    There are infact many men who got bored of regular porn so they move to hardcore stuff gangbangs,rapes etc some have gone so extreme that they have started watching child porn. But when they did quit it for 2 months the were no longer suffering any problems sexually anymore. Their weird fetishes went away and they were mental fog and many other mental problems disappeared. Let me tell you the truth that you never be satisfied from porn. Porn is highly addictive there are no limits.
    Remember our time on Earth is limited there is much more to achieve and explore than to masturbate watching 2 or more people fuck each other on a screen.
  8. dudeonthebayou

    dudeonthebayou If gutters didn't exist...

    When it comes to porn is that your brain changes what stimulates it and always pushes to more and more extreme to keep being stimulated.
    Only way to be free is to keep sharing your journey with others and keep yourself busy so that porn have no place in your life.
  9. Magnolia

    Magnolia New Member

    Cool. so giving up forever just rebalances your head completely?
    (I am a girl and i have watched porn but was not addicted.)

    I fear that porn took away a part of my sexuality which i will never have back. I hope i would be able to delete its traces in my head completely. Will that be possibile?
    I think real sex is way much better than porn and so i would love to have a genuine sexual life full of feelings.
    Do you agre? What do you think about that?
  10. Gettingfree

    Gettingfree New Member

    You have another 60-70 years ahead of you. That's plenty of time to deal with this. Take it 1 day at a time. Go find a good counselor. Get someone to be accountable that is old enough to be your mother. I will check back here in the near future.

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