Billy, that's the thing about this stuff. Whether it's "professionals" having joyless sex for our entertainment, or "amateurs", most of whom probably regret their experience when they wake up the next day, it is indeed unappealing when you stop and think about it. Of course, our porn-addled brains don't focus on that when the urges strike. We have to focus on what matters, WHEN it matters! Keep at it. You're dong great, bud.