Hi All, I've been meaning to start a journal for a while now, I have spent a lot of time on here but not so much in the journal section. I first watched the your brain on porn material about 15 months ago. It was eye opening to say the least, and I recognized how much I had allowed porn to affect my life, and the justifications I made up for myself. I started trying to quit last year, and had some really positive streaks, followed by some rough patches. I think last year I had 3 successful month long challenges (not sequential - I tended to relapse the first few days into the following month, but had cut it down to less than weekly by the end of the year. My best streaks were 52 days (helped by a holiday), 48 days and 36 days. The start of this year I had lost my enthusiasm, and did not even track how I did - but I had definitely cut down at least. Unfortunately, my worst relapses and darkest thoughts were after starting trying to quit, and I have relapsed to much worse material than I ever touched prior. There is good news though, I have cut down significantly since, and now I am on my longest streak so far - 62 days and despite stress and boredom I think I've finally broken the habit - not the addiction, I still have fantasies and flashbacks - but at least I can now sit at the computer without worrying about bad habits taking over, I feel like I would have to make the conscious decision to give in at this point. I am seeing the benefits. I feel like I am a better man, a better boyfriend, and a better person. Some of the biggest positives include changes in my relationship, the intimacy I feel (I was always able to 'perform' but I feel like I used to need to objectify my girlfriend or picture fantasies at times - not the best for a deep connection), and I guess I am enjoying the feeling that I have less and less to hide each day. My recovery is going great, and I have a very supportive partner (who I have 'drip fed' some information, but not much...), so I am optimistic that I am in a good position to succeed. So, I thought I'd start this journal to keep myself on track. I think that I am at the point where I need to focus on recovery over abstinence, I still fantasize about relapsing at times and deep in my heart I don't know if I believe I truly want to quit forever... although I am feeling strong now and I have the option to relapse, but it would seem fake to me at this point. Today, I had a fairly good day. At work I did allow my mind to drift towards some arousing thoughts, not thinking of porn but I don't believe it will help recovery if I continue like that. I got back into my training routine tonight also, and so am up just finishing the intro post, and I have started writing about my story with porn... but I might leave that for another day.