Taking my life back

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by GhostDog, Feb 13, 2013.

  1. Giles

    Giles New Member

    Yeah, likewise, it's really nice to hear such a positive account of your experiences. Thanks for sharing this with us all.
  2. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    It's great to hear from someone with so much experience in living PMO free.
  3. Speedy

    Speedy "Nothing Beats Reality" Sixto Rodriguez

    Great to hear from you 'Dog an inspiring report.
  4. Omega Man

    Omega Man Everything counts.

    Congrats and great to hear!
  5. GhostDog

    GhostDog Porn=Poison

    I will continue to post in hopes that my accounts will give others the willpower and strength to overcome PIED.

    I am now able to perform almost instantly and the anxiety of not being able to get erect is pretty much nonexistent. I can not recall when my sex drive and erectile strength has been as good as it is now. I am 46 years old and I am getting rock hard erections consistently. My lady friend is very satisfied with my performance she's 37 and full of energy. I am able to have sex multiple times over the course of the evening.

    Looking back I wish I would have accepted that I had a problem and took steps to resolve it. I was in denial regarding the root of my problems, when I went to the doctor I did not disclose my exposure to porn or masturbation frequency. Which was very foolish on my part.
  6. TiredOfEd

    TiredOfEd If not me, who? If not now, when?

    GhostDog, your posts give us all hope, so glad you are taking the time to continue posting here, you have no idea how encouraging it is!

    I wouldn't worry about not disclosing the porn and masturbation to the doctor. I think very few of them even now make the connection. In a very similar set of circumstances to yours, I did talk to my doctor about 5 years ago specifically to ask if my ED could be related to my PMO frequency. He all but laughed at me for such a crazy idea. Everyone knows masturbation is healthy and porn is just a tool to help a guy along. Maybe your doc would have been better educated about it, but I'm betting not, it is a fairly new problem and even today there is a lot of debate about it.

    Anyway, again, thanks so much for sharing a vision of the future we are all working towards and hoping for!
  7. imout

    imout Active Member

    Great confidence building reports. Have you really not had M for 645 days?
  8. GhostDog

    GhostDog Porn=Poison

    I know it sounds insane and almost impossible but yes I have not M'd for 645 days. Trust me when I say it was not an easy feat, I seriously had to take it one day at a time then one week at a time then month. My motivation is NEVER wanting to go back to being the shell of a man that I was when I was suffering from PIED.

    Now I don't even think about M I do have mornings when I wake up with wood but I just get out of bed and not entertain the thought of stroking.

    I save my energy for the real thing.
  9. Re-balanced

    Re-balanced New Member

    Good stuff GD!
  10. markp

    markp New Member

    Great stuff! Thank you so much for posting. It's really inspiring.
  11. Apuleius

    Apuleius Guest

    What about P ?? No P for 645 days straight too ?? This is all quite remarkable.
  12. colimpool

    colimpool Active Member

    thanks for coming back to show us why we are all on this road. from my place your results are great, really well done.
  13. GhostDog

    GhostDog Porn=Poison

    I had something happen to me the other day that I found very funny. I had a woman over Friday and we were fooling around clothed. She sat on my lap while I was feeling on her here and there. Before I knew it I had an orgasm in my pants!!!! Like a crazy man I started laughing I'm not sure she realized what her gyrations caused but it was nice.

    I can not remember the last time that happened to me I surely must have been in my teens.

    I still want to kick myself for not finding out about and rebooting years earlier. Thinking about it I'm not sure that I would have had the will power to do it.

    I'm closing in on 2 years with NO PMO 11/27 will be 2 years. Believe it or not I have not masturbated in 2 years I've had urges but I've managed to fend them off.
  14. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Thats crazy man. How long since you have had sex?
  15. xstar

    xstar New Member

    I just read your journal...short but inspiring!

    Thanks for keeping up with periodic updates. They will help me stay focused.

    I think this is an issue for so many of us. You wrote the above post well after a year of rebooting. I'm not even three months in and I still find myself constantly monitoring my erection. Getting past this fear of ED has to be an important part of recovery from PIED.

    Here's the truth. I also want to kick myself for not figuring this out sooner...but the fact is I don't know that I would have had the will to attack PMO without the massive problems I've developed.

    I'm always impressed by people who come here and want to kick the PMO habit before they develop PIED, etc. I hope I can convey to my son how bad porn can be without him having to experience it as I have.
  16. GhostDog

    GhostDog Porn=Poison

    Its been about 2-3 weeks since I last had sex.

    Its funny because before I've had women sit on my lap when my mind was screwed up with PIED and my penis was COMPLETELY dead, unresponsive.
  17. GhostDog

    GhostDog Porn=Poison

    I compare it to when I fractured my leg as a teenager. I had on a full leg cast for about 8-10 weeks. Once the cast was taken off and the doctor said it was fully healed I was still worried about putting my full weight on my leg. Over time I became more confident and eventually things went back to normal.

    Its pretty much the same thing with getting back in the saddle after rebooting. I don't let it consume my mind and after each encounter where I don't have issues my confidence grows.
  18. GhostDog

    GhostDog Porn=Poison

    730 Days Later

    It’s been 730 days since I last used porn or masturbated, even though it has been two full years it does not feel like it was that long. I am as rebooted as I am ever going to be and I have NO intentions of ever falling victim to PMO again. Amazingly I made it two years without relapsing; the beginning of the process was the most difficult. Once I got some time under my belt I’d look at how many days I had been PMO free and realized that it would be a damn shame to blow it and start over at day one. The further along I got the easier it became not even think about PMO. Another source of will power was thinking about all the embarrassment I caused myself, unsatisfied women and feeling like less of a man due to PIED.

    I was not the most extreme of PMO cases by any means but I would masturbate just about every night before going to sleep. Some weekends I would go on slight binges masturbating and viewing porn multiple times a day. There were times that my injured my penis from my frequency of masturbation. I slipped into the same cycle as others seeking out more extreme niches of porn to arouse me. Things that I initially found disgusting I began to captivate me and consume my thoughts. I would have to fantasize about hardcore porn to get aroused enough to have sex with a female.

    I’ve struggled through relationships masking my PIED with pills and lies of why my penis was not functioning as it should, ‘chronic fatigue’ was my crutch. I was unable to properly bond with the women I was involved with which strained relationships. As most of you already know porn makes you look at women as sex objects in place to hopefully cater to your porn driven desires.

    I remember the total disgust in myself the countless times I’ve laid be bed with a woman and my penis was completely lifeless. It’s like an ax chopping away at what makes you feel like a man with each failure. I was fortunate enough to bed some gorgeous women in my past only to be unfortunate enough to have a dead dick or unable to keep an erection and penetrate.

    Today 730 days later I feel like a man and I have a normal libido for a 46 year old man. Sex is better than it been in a long time, I just need to find a steady girlfriend.
    I often see guys asking in forums if they can go back to using porn after they have rebooted like it’s something that they cannot live without. It’s pretty simple if you go back to porn you will be back in the same boat prior to rebooting.

    I wish I would have rebooted years ago and not been such a damn fool. I knew that porn was probably the reason for my ED but I was in denial big time. I just did not have the strength to let it go and I paid the price.

    If someone would have told me I would go two years without masturbating I would have called them crazy. But I guess I was crazed for not believing in myself because I have made it two years. It makes me feel as if there is nothing I cannot do. I am more confident and assertive than before and I have no problems approaching and pursuing women.
  19. bright_eyes

    bright_eyes Master of My Own Mind?

    I hear what you are saying, Ghost Dog, and wonder-of-wonders, I am beginning to experience it first-hand. Count me as extremely thankful.
  20. GhostDog

    GhostDog Porn=Poison

    Just another update 8)

    About 2 weeks ago I went to a strip club to have a little fun. I had gotten a lap dance from 2 or 3 women and there was very little activity below my belt. I was a little concerned but didn't lose my mind over it.

    This past weekend I went on a date with a lady that I met about 3 weeks ago. We went to a Reggae club had a few drinks and did some very close dancing. I had a grade A erection that lasted a good while. I didn't even try to hide it my jeans kept it in check but I'm sure she could feel it rubbing on her. I must admit I felt proud!!! I remember days when there would have been a big OUT OF ORDER sign hanging on my crouch.

    I made my goal of two years and I decided it was okay for me to masturbate when I get those raging erections that can keep me awake at night. I did thinking about a real woman that I know and it felt different from what I remember prior to rebooting. I didn't have the urge to masturbation crazy. I know as long as I keep porn out of my life I will be fine. I got lucky and had sex later that same day and my erection was up with no complications.

    Stay tuned!!!

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