Taking my life back

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by GhostDog, Feb 13, 2013.

  1. GhostDog

    GhostDog Porn=Poison

    I wrote this following one year of no porn and no masturbation.
    I wish to share it in hopes that it will be a source of strength and symbol of "you are not alone" in regaining control of your life.
    -----------------------------------

    As of November 27th 2012 it has been a year since I've viewed pornography and masturbated or masturbated period. In the beginning it was extremely difficult to resist the urge and the grasp that pornography had on me. I did find out that I was not alone (by searching the internet) in my battle and it affected men of all ages and walks of life.

    It not only affects men directly but it damages and in some cases destroys relationships. I managed to walk the line between damage and destroy when it came to my relationships for years. I feel into the porn masturbation pit around the year 2000 and dwelled there until I accepted the fact that I had a problem but I was in a person denial as to what was the source of my problem. I went to the doctor once complaining about my inability to achieve and maintain an erection with my woman. He asked me questions about my health and my relationships but he never asked about my use of porn or masturbation. He gave me a prescription for a Cialis medication which helped but I still wasn't right it was more of a band aid on a knife wound. My problem was that my libido became severely damaged to the point where sex with did not excite me the way that it should.

    I was lucky enough encounter situations where I was able to have sex with women that men dream about and lust after but I was unable to become functional physically even though in my mind I wanted to engage. There was some sort of disconnect preventing me from experiencing the proper level of arousal. My libido was severely damaged buy long term exposure to hardcore internet porn and masturbation.

    I decided it was time to take control of my life and kick my addiction to porn and masturbation. I'm not going to say that it was easy by any means it may have been the most difficult thing I've done in my life. I wasn't the worst offender but I was pretty bad I used to masturbate most nights to relax myself and put myself to sleep. There were even some weekends where I'd masturbate a few times a day. Believe it or not there were withdrawal symptoms my body became used to the constant dopamine hits from masturbating. I experienced sleeplessness, headaches, mood swings, and total loss of libido for a few weeks in the beginning of my rebooting process.

    There were days when my will power was tested but I kept myself busy buy going to the gym after work and enrolling in online college classes. Once I reached my threshold things became a lot easier to deal with to the point where I did not even think about porn or masturbating.

    This may have nothing to do with it but since I've kicked PMO (porn-masturbation-orgasm) my thinking and my mind has become a lot sharper. As I mentioned above I enrolled in online college classes I seriously kicked *** in these classes. My ability to retain knowledge is many times stronger and I can focus much better.

    Trust me when I say this as my Dad used to often say "Its Mind Over Matter” you can regain your sexual power and feel whole again. If you try and relapse don't let that discourage you! Brush yourself off and get your *** in gear and try again. Always remember why your are rebooting, the benefits and the self confidence that you will regain.

    I met an attractive woman a few weeks ago in a supermarket while I was talking to her I could actually feel my body reacting to her sensuality. My pulse quickened my breathing deepened and I was actually worried that I might sprout an erection that may show through my dress slacks and embarrass myself. This is coming from a guy who was struggling to get hard with an attractive naked woman in his bed a few months ago. Trust me REBOOTING WORKS just leave the porn alone and go through the process.

    The only obstacle between you and a healthy sex life is yourself.
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2017
  2. Consequences Ahead

    Consequences Ahead New Member

    That is all great news for a guy like me!
    Thank you for sharing your wonderful story, my 'not-so-much-sharper-yet' brain will try to remember it next time the urge arises, probably tonight as I go to bed.
    It may sound kind of corny, but you are a role model for me right now.
     
  3. Zed.

    Zed. Steady as she goes...

    Good for you GhostDog, real pleased to hear about your success. Long may it continue!
     
  4. Omega Man

    Omega Man Everything counts.

    Great to hear man. Thanks for yet another encouraging story, those of us just starting down the path need as many as we can get.
     
  5. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    Thanks for the report GD. It's always refreshing to hear from someone farther along in the journey.
     
  6. h0p3

    h0p3 Hope, Faith and Willpower to all of us.

    That's really powerful, man. Thank you!

    I believe that's what other ppl call libido :D Feels awesome, I believe. Can you share your experiences on morning wood throughout rebooting?
     
  7. GhostDog

    GhostDog Porn=Poison

    @H0P3

    I started getting morning wood about the third week into rebooting it wasn't everyday but it became more frequent as time passed.

    To my surprise I also started having wet dreams, I hadn't had one of those since I was in my early 20's I still get them depending on if I'm getting any action or not lol.
     
  8. GhostDog

    GhostDog Porn=Poison

    I currently don't have a steady woman so I don't know were my next lay is coming from....

    I got lucky a few days ago and my equipment worked well. I had a few drinks maybe more than a few and we had sex in a room that was pretty dark.
    Before not being able to clearly see the woman would have crippled my erection combine with the alcohol I would have been a lame duck.
    I was able to confidently perform and exercise some level of self control and not O at a rabbits pace.

    I'm in a good zone now but I still feel as though I'm still getting better. One of my problems is lack of confidence in my erections that comes from the countless episodes of not being about to get it up when with a woman. I know as time passes those bad memories will fade away.

    Another thing that has changed is the way I view women. I was so focused on porn like sex that I lost appreciation for the simple things. The scent of a woman, the tone of their voices (well most of them), just holding one or being in the company of a woman that you like. Porn addiction blocked all of that for me.
     
  9. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    I know what you mean. Just being in the company of a woman is enjoyable. As a civilization, western culture is a bit sterile, I'm afraid.
     
  10. GhostDog

    GhostDog Porn=Poison

    There is something else that I forgot to mention.

    Prior to me rebooting I was running to the bathroom to take a leak countless times a day like I was a 70 year old man.

    Now I go I guess what would be a normal amount of times a day. I don't know exactly why that is but I don't miss it one bit.
     
  11. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    Yep, better urinary tract health seems to come with the turf.
     
  12. GhostDog

    GhostDog Porn=Poison

    I had a date this past Saturday with a female I see from time to time. When I was leaving I knew there was a pretty good chance I'd get lucky so I grabbed some condoms as I dashed out the door. We went to the movies while we were getting the tickets she asked me if I had to go home after the movie because she wanted me to stay over, I gladly told her sure.

    It was late and I was kind of tired and I started worrying to myself what if I can't get it up as I was driving back to her place. I also realized that I forgot to grab a Cialis just in case as I left my place.

    We get to her place and I have a drink and watch TV my mind is still consumed with thoughts of failure. She sits next to me on the couch and still nothing!!!! After a few minutes I started stroking her breasts and all systems were go, had a normal decent erection. A short while later we went to her bedroom and all was well.

    I believe that I mentioned before and I will continue to mention that I still have the mental scars of having ED while attempting to have sex. Even though I have not had one problem getting erect since I've rebooted, the fear of ED is still there.

    I guess I just have to regain confidence in myself when it comes to sex and that will take some time. I am making

    I know that I no longer need to use ED pills. A few months ago I was in a situation where to my surprise I got offered a BJ and my body responded properly without hesitation. Before rebooting that would have been another situation where I had to make up some story to explain my lack of erection.

    After a fair amount of rebooting time we have to regain trust our potency and step away from the crutch of ED pills when we no longer need them.
     
  13. h0p3

    h0p3 Hope, Faith and Willpower to all of us.

    This could be easily overcomed with a good understanding partner.

    That's really inspiring! I would shiver from fear!!
     
  14. GhostDog

    GhostDog Porn=Poison

    Yes having a good understanding partner can make a world of difference. I know that false fears are all in my head. With each successful encounter my confidence increases.

    I'm very glad its inspiring to others.
     
  15. youngoldie

    youngoldie Onwards comrades - we have to go back!

    I can understand that ED fear, had some sexperiences last time (you can read it in my journal). One thing I found out (and It's stated on YBOP): A healthy guy is able to get an erection just by touching. So sometimes when I'm close to my wife I have none. But I know when touching myself it will work for shure.

    What I did, I asked my wife to take that part in her hands and I told her exactly what to do. And it worked. We should not expect that always viusal stimuli will work. As former PMOer it worked for us only when there was constant novelty. And that's not always guaranteed in normal life.
     
  16. GhostDog

    GhostDog Porn=Poison

    I will post milestones in my life post PMO to help motivate others and keep them focused.

    Since I don't run from women any more I've been more time with them and having some good experiences.

    I've been getting strong erections with no difficulty. Last night I went on a date with a women I go out with from time to time. She gave me a deep kiss which she had done before while I suffering from PIED, but this time the sensation took me back to the good feeling that I had forgotten about many years ago.

    The entire emotional connection with women is completely different now, I was living in a damn fog for over 10 years. Ten years of my live that I will never be able to get back.
     
  17. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    Thanks for posting that Ghost Dog. I really appreciate hearing from someone that has progressed so far.
     
  18. GhostDog

    GhostDog Porn=Poison

    I'm still PMO free and loving it!!!

    I met a woman on an online dating website and we hit it off pretty good. We had gone out a few times and had a few very good conversations. When you are PMO free you will no longer look at woman as strictly sexual object but you start to appreciate their womanly qualities.

    She took me out one evening and we had a great time drinks, live band a little dancing. When we got back to her house I was walking to my car she asked me if I wanted to come inside (by this time it was about 1:30am) I said sure.

    Long story short I was totally caught of guard because I was not expecting to have sex with her. My body responded perfectly with no issues, my only worry was premature ejaculation due to me not having sex on a regular basis. The alcohol saved me from PE I'm sure, it was great to not have to worry about PIED and function as a man should. I know I've said this before but sex after PMO feels AMAZING!!!! 8)

    With that said once you reboot and start having a normal sex life that experience alone will give you the will power to stay on the straight and narrow.
     
  19. bright_eyes

    bright_eyes Master of My Own Mind?

    Great report from the future, Ghost Dog. Thanks, man.
     
  20. midge

    midge Guest

    Excellent! Very motivational, GD. Thanks for taking the time to come back and check in.
     

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