Thanks man. Yes I feel much better now. There's one thing that I am doing differently this time and that is I am not taking the easy solutions. It's easy to stay in the comfortable zone waiting for the relapse to happen. You can't just do nothing. I am trying to keep myself occupied even if I am not being objectively as productive as I would like to be.
DAY 9: Some urges today but I managed well by keeping myself busy. Some mood swings troubled again today. It is not simply highs and lows. Sometimes I feel too edgy and at other times simply indifferent to anything. These are somewhat strange but could be a part of rewiring of the brain. I need to push through this to make some lasting growth. Hoping for some good days ahead.
DAY 14: Felt like a long time, these two weeks. I am really glad I have continued to give myself chances to break free time and again and this is another great opportunity for me. With cravings dying down substantially, I am on my way to make this count. My mood is much more stable now. I am increasingly connecting with the real world. There is long way to go yet but I am beginning to get a glimpse of the kind of life that could be in store for me. It's a wonderful world without porn.
DAY 18: Really doing good now. It's amazing how easy it gets once you make past two weeks. Obviously it does not mean a relapse cannot happen but the no pmo seems to be the more natural way of living. Keeping myself occupied has been the key till now and I am looking to build up on that.
I have not had one till now which is somewhat surprising but I am not worrried about them. They are quite natural ways of adapting body and brain.
DAY 21: 3 weeks done. These days I feel I am noticing girls more than ever. I am craving that feminine connection in my life. This just shows what I was missing earlier. Some urges are there but I am more mindful now. I feel more healthy and stronger which is great for my mood as well. I just need to keep growing.
I relapsed today. Can't pinpoint any particular reason why it happened but looks like it was always coming. I need few more streaks like these before I finally make it big. Anyway, I would not like to delve much into it. It would be best for me to move on and look at the bigger picture.
No doubt about the benefits of a relapse free life. It's just about what gets the best out of me. Each time a relapse happens, I do feel really down but from my own experience the negativity serves me no good. I, in no way, intentionally allow a relapse once I reach a certain period. Each day without a relapse is a minor success for me. Whilst I would dearly want a long streak because that would change so much more in me than the smaller ones, I cannot look too far ahead. Especially just after a relapse is probably the worst time to be thinking in that fashion as it would in some subconscious way become a rationale for justifying (to myself) a relapse if I am not past a certain number of days. Yes this approach might not be the best and I am more than willing to try different new ways but I guess for now I should stick to this approach for a while.
I'm not the best person to give advice because I'm far from perfect!!! I'm on my own challenge and messed up many times. But maybe you need no strategy at all apart from screw PMO I don't want it in my life and I'm not going to watch it anymore; I've wasted enough time already.
lifeisbeautiful, I want to share with you two points that may help you 1. understand the nature of the urges. they are like waves in the sea, and no matter how powerful they may be or may seem, once they hit the shore they'll vanish without trace. just practise not giving in, even when it is hard. 2. practise mindfulness. It'll greatly help in decreasing the intensity of temptations, understanding about yourself, understanding what you need to do etc.observe your mind and your thoughts, at any time as you like, especially during urges, and even when you are pmoing(!) doing so will firmly impress on your memory and understanding that what you do (pmo) is something you do not enjoy truly and that it has no future. you already know this, but it will help you to "feel" what you already know.
That is an important piece of advice that I somehow forgot to put in practice these days. I feel I am getting too overwhelmed by the difficult period that first two weeks is. I have to put all the tools to use to get going once again.
Well well.. YBR is back finally. So time for some update. Went past 3 weeks in my last streak and then relapsed (not so badly though) But now I am back at it. Today this is DAY 3 and I know how great it feels to get a few days under the belt. My mood has been generally good and I am looking at things positively. Still need to find a way during weekends. I like to stay busy and productive. That is the biggest antidote I've found to cravings. I feel as if I am maturing emotionally which feels good. Still a long way to go.
Relasped today. As always, it makes me fill up with all the negativity and my mind begin to look for easy fixes or just escape the bad emotions. One thing leads to another. I planned to do a lot of things today but since morning all I am doing is procrastinating and that makes me feel bad which makes it even worse. A vicious cycle. Need to break through. Still the day is not over. I should take a bath and have a good lunch and do something productive that would lift up my mood. So here I go.
