Stay strong man, you can do it. Just try to rationalize every time you are on the verge of relapse and you are taking off your dick with your hand, every time you do that, just stop for a second, and think 'do I really need to do this?' As the answer is no, you just close everything. Don't let the urges control you, you are more than that, everytime you take out your dick and open the porn, you can always stop before even starting.
Once again caught in that cycle of being unproductive-feeling bad-relapse. Strange how difficult it feels to break through this. I have to show some perseverance.
Wow this is a wonderful new look for YBR. On the not so bright side though, I relapsed today again after doing well for few days. Need to be more consistent.
Had a really bad day. Did virtually nothing productive and spent hours watching movies and pmo'd multiple times. One of those days that make me feel like a loser. It makes me hate myself. I was doing well last few days but as it happens often, the relapse tends to get from bad to worse. I don't seem to have an answer righf now. The road to recovery looks endless. But I cannot give up. This is just my addicted brain talking. I am sure it will be better soon.
Things aren't going well these days. I have exams in a couple of days time but I am finding it difficult to focus on my studies. Few days back I decided that I would not use internet at all until the exams are over. I thought it would help me stay away from porn. But today it all went wrong. First I MO'd and then the chaser effect meant I had more cravings. Eventually I gave in and ended watching porn. I feel hopeless once again. I have tried different ways to break free but each time I fail I seem to run out of ideas. Sometimes I feel as I am growing up this struggle is become more and more complicated. I feel uncertain and tentative. May be this is because I tend to focus on multiple things at a time. I have to keep it simple. MO'ing without porn is clearly not helping me as I previously thought. I must abstain from that as well. What about internet? I think my mid-term solution has to be focussed on moderation because I have exams at my hand. So over the next two weeks I need to stay mindful of how and how much I use internet. Let's say this is the preparation for the more radical step I intend to take later when I would look to reboot without internet. And to get along with the plan I would need to stay motivated not just for initial couple of days but for significantly prolonged period. I have to find ways to develop that positivity. It's a long road but I think I can do it.
I haven't been updating here for some time. But it's a good time to do that. I have completed one week of no P or M. I have another week of exams to go and I cannot think of much else over that period. But after that I have a couple of weeks of vacation during which I plan to go on a trip with friends which should be fun and probably nice way to wind up the year during which I have seen lots of ups and downs on a personal level but I feel I have grown up a lot during this year. Winters have set in here which means I have to stay indoors most of the time which isn't such a bad thing during the exams. Okay then, that's all for now as I have a lot to study. Just one more week to go!
Wow! Just read few of the posts from last year when I went about 80 days without PMO. Looks like I can learn something from myself! It was such a wonderful period of my life where each day felt like growth and progress. And the key to all of it was positivity and perseverance. Today I need them even more. I want to improve and get better and build a great life for myself. It need some hard work and there has to be no place for a lackadaisical approach towards it. And it's good time too to become better!
Good day today. Studied well. Another 5 days before exams finish. I plan to make a trip outside of the country for the first time this vacation which is so exciting that it's almost difficult to focus on the remaining exams. Really so much to look forward to. But I mustn't get overwhelmed and take one thing at a time. No thoughts of PMO as of now.
Relapsed just now. This time after making it to more than two weeks. But the relapse is always unwelcome. It was not inevitable. It does get easier beyond two weeks. I was just a little too lazy to stop myself. Anyway, I am not going to get myself stuck. It's done and dusted. Time to move on.
Lots of travelling done over last 10 days and I am back home now. It's been a wonderful time. Lots of experiences and lots of fun! Haven't had time to think of pmo and I would say it was a vacation well spent. I'll have to be back to college in 3 days time where I'll begin the final year of mbbs. It's going to be a defining year of my life and I'll need to be well prepared for it. But for the time being I'll enjoy few days at home!
PMO'd two days back but pretty much back on track now. My final year of the course has started and the early impression is this year is going to be filled will lots of busy days. This may be both good and bad for obvious reasons and I would be keen to use it to my advantage. I have resumed the exercise routine in the morning which should help. It needs a bit of willpower to wake up early but as I found over last two days, it's definitely worth it.
dude youre also studying mbbs? Im about to write my final year exams...we have a lot in common...I also went without this evil habit for more than 6 months in the past and it was like heaven...now its become more difficult...how I dont know.....we are privileged to study medicine...we should not waste our precious lives on this worthless thing..... one thing I found that works is not to stay online for too long...do not use the internet for comfort..focus on your duties..good luck for the exams..
Too frequent relapses over the last few days have set me back a bit. What's most unsettling is the effect each relapse has on me. I simply haven't found a way to spend my sundays in a better way. Not only is it a complete waste of valuable time, it is physically and mentally exhausting as well. Time to do something different? Yes may be. I need to start this afresh once more. I sound like a failure for not gaining the kind of control over my life that I had expected. Time seems to be slipping through my fingers these days as I move towards the business end of my graduation course. Surely it's high time I do something about it. PMO fills up only negativity in me. I cannot accept that as the new normal. I know I can change things. All change requires sacrifice. I have to let go of my comfort zone. That is the biggest hurdle in achieving my true potential. No point complaining about the way world is if I cannot sort myself out first.
Since I could not get my "counter" fixed, it would be just as fine to keep a track of days myself. This would also encourage me to post here regularly, preferably daily. It's DAY 2 today and I feel good. Yesterday, I played badminton for almost 4 hours. I felt great after that even though my body is hurting badly right now. That means I would have to skip my running routine this evening. No urges as of now and I feel in control which is good but I need to take it one day at a time.
Maybe you can try delving into some affirmations. For example, tell yourself 10 times twice every day that you have the power to stay away from P and M, that you are not a PMO-er, that you are above this addiction, that you can think clearly even in the midst of inner chaos, that your urges are not weak and not as powerful as you are, that your feelings are not you, that your mind is not you, and that you are something greater, more powerful than what your mind leads you to believe. I strongly believe that affirmations have the power to invoke transformation.
You are right. Affirmations do help. What also helps me is to keep on reminding myself that it's possible to change the way I live. I can grow into a better man. It's the positivity that drives me to action. And the change cannot happen without actively doing something about it.
DAY 4: It was sunday today and it's so refreshing to spend the day without being consumed by internet, porn or compulsive masturbation. Started the day with taking part in a mini marathon in the university. It was a great experience although my legs did hurt a bit after that. Started reading the book "your brain on porn" by Gary Wilson. It is a great account of the real life problems that porn has created in the lives of young men. There are a few more books that are in my "to read list" that I would like to finish over next few weeks. Could not do much productive work today as I had planned earlier but still it was a day well spent.
DAY 6: Mood swings have been slightly tough last couple of days. Yesterday, I had virtually no motivation to do anything. Still I forced myself to stay in the library which was a good decision as staying alone in my room only amplifies the negativity. Today the mood was much better and I could clearly notice the change. I hope these mood swings are only transient and things would stabilise with time.
Hey man, best of luck keep pushing. Just remember motivation is in some ways under your control Try to consciously motivate yourself to feel motivated... Listen to some positive information on youtube, go for a run, do some jumping jacks, affirmations, etc. Hope all is well. Stay strong and push through the mood swings.
