Day 0: Looking at day 0 says whole story. But hold on. I wont say I am hopeless. I wont say I am distressed. I wont say my life has ended. Actually it's started now. Enough is enough. I have had a lot of tough time in the past. I dont want my future to be like that. I am not saying that I wish for it. That's the easiest way of running away from responsibilities. I want to face it. I very well know I am in a very critical stage of my life. At the same time I am not looking too much into the future. I dont want the pressure to build up on myself. Let me keep the whole process simple. It's NO PMO. That's all. Nothing more and certainly nothing less. It's as simple as that. I wont make any fuss about it. It's to be accomplished. If not now, then never. No more relapsing. I have had enough of then already. I have all the experience of being at almost all the stages of the reboot. So no half measures this time around. I have read and understood everything about the addiction. The way it functions, the way whole cycle works and the way the immature brain of ours give way to it. It's time to implement them... It's time to do something rather than thinking whole day how to overcome it. It's not too difficult a deal. Once you know the strength and weaknesses of your enemy, It's quite simple to defeat it. Now when I know everything, I think I am all set to make it count. I will push myself till the last minute.
You'll make it, do not give up. It's bad to waste our life on porn as there is so many great things we can still do. Lately I got inspired by TV Show called Suits, keeps my mind very busy and excited, it's amazing, it made me want to be like the main character Harvey Specter. Totally recommending it, you should watch it. Good luck.
Thanks Langley for the suggestion. Just a quick progress update. Day 1: So, I am off to a good start. I kept thinking positively. Did not allow the relapse to take hold of my behaviour. Overall, it was an easy day. And I just get a feeling that next few days are also going to be easy. I am trying to gain the confidence back. This reboot is gonna be much more beneficial to me because I am in a much better frame of mind. Not worrying too much about avoiding triggers. Just keeping things simple and being natural.
Day 3: So it's been easy till now. For the first time, today I got slight urge. Straight away, I came here and began writing and will you believe it, the urges have disappeared like anything. Feeling better right now. Will be mostly alone for today and tomorrow. But, It shall be as easy as I want it. I need to manage myself during the urge. Just the way I managed this time.
Day 4: Feeling better today. Last evening, I was feeling lonely. So went out with a friend to Mall. Had a good time there. That refreshed my mind. I dont think today is gonna be difficult. I have a test in the evening. So would mostly be busy. I know I am heading towards the most challenging days of reboot. All I need is to keep patience and think clearly. Not allow those thoughts to take hold on me. I know when they come. For me They come mostly in the morning. So I need to be strong.
Day 4 (evening): So I am getting into the 3 most challenging days. Anyway, I am happy that I will get a chance to show How strong I am. And upto what extent I can control myself. Just a brief update of the day. Not much triggers. Felt OK overall. A little public anxiety haunted me a bit. Confidence is fine. A little patience is what I will be looking for. Will be looking to keep myself busy in studies for next week. What I have noticed recently is that MUSIC helps a lot during reboot. It avoids sudden triggers. Also avoiding playing video games is very helpful. So I have replaced my playing video games with listening to music. Hope it will be alright.
Yeah, video games are the bad influence. I am, or hmm used to be(?) a hardcore gamer... I even own eyefinity setup (three screen gaming) and extremely powerful PC. Just because my eyes are so open now I am starting to consider cutting on gaming. Play less video games during the day(but I play like 1-3 hours a day anyway, is that a lot?) Good seeing you still without a relapse, keep it going. Aww one question, now that you are without PMO, did you notice any difference in dreaming? When I dream during the night, all dreams are so visible and I can remember them now. I didn't dream almost at all while I was on PMO.
Langley, I never noticed much difference. Although, whenever I dream, they are rarely of sex or something.
Day 5: So day 5 is gone. Now I am waiting for the infamous day 6. Today my mood did not change much. Nothing exciting happened today except for that I scored well in test. I have another test coming up this sunday. So, no point losing focus. I am trying to keep myself happy and involved. From today I will be updating about how I am feeling in terms of points out of 10. So for today- Triggers: 1.0 Confidence: 4.0 Public anxiety: 7.0 Loneliness: 6.0
I don't mean to scare you, merely warn you, but yeah be prepared for a challenge on day 6. It's not a 100% certain you'll have a hard time on day 6 but it's definitely possible. My suggestion is clear from the computer as much as possible, unless necessary. And if you're having a hard time, feel free to speak your mind here because there are plenty of people (such as me) ready and willing to help. The best of luck to you!
Thanks a lot @aziq. I will take great care. Avoiding porn should not be a problem. I am just wary of the strong urges of MO that I may be struck by. Obviously this forum has helped me a lot. And I am sure it will continue to. Lots of well wishes to you as well. @Mac Thanks mac. Actually I have been waiting for you to post something. Recieved your message the other day. It felt good that you are still checking into my progress. You haven't posted into your journal for some time now. If you can please notify us of your progress, it'll be good. Wish you luck and happiness.
Good luck! Just one piece of advice: don't take quitting porn into a whole new deal. You will have obstacles and there will be mistakes here and there, but in the end they will help you in the long run AS LONG AS YOU LEARN THE LESSONS. Because in the end, quitting porn isn't going to make life 100% perfect... although it will benefit immensely. Personally, I don't like to count dates since it gives stress... but if it's an encouragement factor for you, keep doing it. Treat this like eating. Treat it like an easy, everyday thing. This will really help. take it easy and focus on other goals more, to take porn off your mind as much as you can.
Thanks @jele Obviously, we need to take it easy, but at the same time we have to be careful enough to identify triggers when they come so that we dont fall in their trap. Thanks again for your little but useful piece of advice.
Day 6: So there was nothing too tempting throughout the day. May be it was because I was very careful. May be I would be required to be careful for the next 2 days as well because it's petty much this time that triggers may strike. Anyway, Talking about the day. Well I am still feeling good. Better thing is that I am not struck by frequent mood changes. I have been feeling more or less OK since last week. Had a little decreased confidence and self esteem. Today, as the teacher asked me a question, I went nervous. It has not happened to me in the past. It looked awkward. I could not speak. Other than that though, nothing much to worry about. Tomorrow or later I will be posting the reasons why I am doing this reboot. I have read that it helps. Triggers: 1.0 Confidence: 3.5 Public anxiety: 5.0 Loneliness: 7.0
You're doing great! It would be best if you go outside for fresh air. Better being indoors and it will help your social anxiety. Apart from that, day 7 is one of the hardest days and if you get through that, i have every reason to believe you'll go all the way. All the best.
Thanks Yuuichi. Today I woke up with a wet dream (first during this reboot). I just hope that it do not set me back much. I would have wanted to conserve orgasm for some more time but you cant do much about wet dreams. Anyway, I am now focussing on building my confidence so that I may pass even the toughest phase of reboot.
Day 7: I am feeling amazing right now. Probably I have come out of that Feeling Ok kind of a thing. It was another lazy start to the day as I woke up with a wet dream. Suprisingly though, I am not hit by urges. 2 reasons why I am expecting them are- It is day 7, one of those days when strong cravings usually occur. Another thing is that usually whenever I start my day with wet dream in mind, I get urges to masturbate or fall off. Amazingly enough, today my mind is much more clear than any other day. Anyway, I will write More About the day in the evening post. Right now I would be noting down the- REASONS WHY I WANT TO CONTINUE MY REBOOT: 1] SELF RESPECT: During those days when I Compulsively fall to PMO, I feel uncomfortable with myself. I just want to hide myself from my own. I strongly desire to terminate this feeling so that I may truly respect myself and hold my head high even if people around me have doubts. 2] SEXUAL ENERGY: I want to manage my sexual energy. I just dont want to drain myself out by masturbating while looking at porn or fantasizing about something that is artificial and dont really exists. I want my sexual energy to develop in a natural way which I feel is the best way. So no more wasting something that is so much precious. 3] MORAL VALUES: I am one of those people who desire to be morally clean. I feel guilty whenever I do it simply because I have to hide it form others. I want myself in a situation when I would be left with nothing to be afraid of. I dont want my soul to insult myself. I dont want to put up an artificial or fake look. 4] BEING SOCIAL: I love to be with friends. I want to hang around and Enjoy my time. PMO has left me with nothing to enjoy. It has left me with a huge void, a feeling of emptiness. 5 years from now, I would want to see myself as someone with whom everyone around will love to spend time with. I want to remove my shyness. I want to meet new people, make new friends. 5] STAYING HEALTHY: I want to remain fit. Keep myself in good shape. Become physically stronger. What I have noticed is that during those days When I am involved in PMO, I rarely do anything to take care of my healthy. I want to enjoy good health and remain active. 6] BECOME SUCCESSFUL: PMO has been a big barrier in my road to become successful. I know I have huge potential to succeed. Once, this barrier is removed, there will be boundless opurtunities for me. I want to gain social respect and faith of people that I come in contact with. 7] OVERALL HAPPINESS: What I mean by overall happiness is that I dont want PMO to be one of those reasons to cause worry to me or stress my life out in the future. I know once I am out of it, I will be more efficient at dealing with other little problems that come in day to day lives. I will have more time to do things that make me happy. I would be able to enjoy good times in a more natural way. So these are the 7 reasons that Will keep me focussed during reboot. Dont be mistaken there are many others as well and the list may just go on. But primarily, I find these 7 as most important.
Day 7(evening): So It turned out to be one of those days when my confidence is on a high. I felt like I was becoming natural. Spent a significant amount of time with friends(working on the advice of Yuuichi). Conversation was easy. Spirit was lifted. Went to the park in the evening and ended up playing football with kids there!! Funny?? Yeah but it really refreshed my mood. Then went out to eat with one friend because the mess was closed today being a Sunday. I remained active throughout the day. It was good to see myself in such frame of mind even on day 7. I am well aware I may be hit by a low in days to come but I am confident that I will go through that as well. As of now I would look to carry the confidence into the next day. Triggers: 1.0 Confidence: 6.0 Public Anxiety: 4.0 Loneliness: 3.5
Day 8: So I am past the tougher days of it. Still I would not take things for granted. I will continue to stay positive. As of now the day was good. Had almost no problems during conversation. Public anxiety was minimal. Although I had nothing exciting to do today, I still managed to keep myself going. Listened to music. Exercised quite a bit. I feel I am just getting better and better with days. I dont want to look too much into the future, but I feel that if I continue to stay like this I will easily cross the 3 week mark which in itself will be hugely inspiring. Anyway, now of course looking forward to day 9! Triggers: 1.5 Confidence: 5.5 Public anxiety: 4.5 Loneliness: 5.0
You are doing quite well. Remember, every day is training your brain for a PMO-free future. Your life WILL improve as you keep on fighting.
