Taking back my d̶i̶c̶k̶ - as it turns out, my entire life.

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by hogus, Oct 22, 2012.

  1. hogus

    hogus Well-Known Member

    UPDATE: No longer updated. See my new journal

    ED. Horrible withdrawal initially. Failed sex with escorts twice, thought it was performance anxiety first time (which it was but I got into it and lost my boner anyway) but second was completely relaxed - but felt no arousal at all. Been mostly prone PMO to porn for 7 years? 2-3 times a day, 4mins average each.

    One failed reboot during 06-07/12 , MO weekly. After the second week, boners were 100% but still needed fantasy to keep it up beyond a few mins. Not porn fantasies but I think simple overmasturbation was a big part of the problem anyway.

    Day 0: PMO
    Day 3: Withdrawal starts
    Day 5: Some kind of flatline. Very rare boners, and libido is down.
    Day 7: MO relapse, barely any mental fantasy. Don't feel too bad about it, obviously could have done without it. This is today.

    O TIMELINE:
    15th Oct 2012: PMO
    21th Oct: MO fantasy
    7th Nov: MO 95% sensation
    4th Dec: MO 99% sensation
    13th Dec: MO 100% sensation. Crap boner though.
    7th Feb 2013: MO 100% sensation. 100% boner, no chaser, no hangover. Slight brain fog but weed last night so can't be sure.
    9th Feb: PMO. not chaser related, but alcohol. Underwhelming and changed nothing to how shit I was feeling - P is no longer suitable to hide behind from life. Lasted 20 seconds. fuuuuuuuuuuu-
    17th Feb: MO. 100% sensation. 100% boner. No chaser, no hangover, no (changes in) brain fog. Need to start rewiring.
    16th March: MO the same old story... still horny though. No brain fog or anything. Nearly 12 hours later, libido has only dropped slightly. 24 hours later, libido back to pre-MO levels. Flatline a few days later though.
    15th April: Dream MO. That's right, I MO'd in my sleep. What the fuck. Humping the bed during a sex dream.
    2nd May: Rubbish O from oral. PE and ED.
    2nd June: 100% sensation MO. Was a little hard to keep it up. Summer's coming so no more of this.
    6th Aug: Half O. Was sleeping, ended up prone and MOing while I was sleeping. Woke up right as I O'd and managed to hold most of it back - aftereffects feel like less than half that of MO
    22nd Aug: O. https://yourbrainrebalanced.com/for...s-out-my-entire-life.3236/page-16#post-214494
    7th Oct: 50% wet dream! An actual wet dream, not me humping the bed in my sleep. Woaaaah... not a full ejaculation though hence 50%.
    28th Oct: FULL wet dream! To realistic sex.
    6th Nov: 50% wet dream again. I like the 50% ones, it kind of gives me a taste but still makes me want more but not in a chaser kind of way. Dream was quite realistic but bj only.
    17th Nov: Half O, sleeping, prone. Ugh...
    5th Feb: Half O again. Brain fog.
    25th Feb: 100% sensation MO. Good erection, no chaser, no withdrawals.
    7th Mar: Wet dream. P though, so held back most of it. Libido shot up like crazy.
    15th Mar: 100% sensation MO, PE, mild ED. Evidently not ready for regular MO yet even after 250+ days no MO so back to abstaining. Stopped tracking no porn.
    Multiple MOs April-June, no ED/fantasy
    4th June: 100% sensation MO, no ED
    6th Jun 2014: Failed sex - really close though. ED was not that strong, it just kept going off and it was a bad situation for it as well (tired, drunk etc) so maybe the PIED isn't an issue. Hahaha in 2021 I just remembered the problem was I kept needing a piss because of how drunk I was, so every time I would get hard, I would lose it to go to the toilet...

    Stopped tracking. Various infrequent MOs. Started seeing some hookers over this summer. Girls weren't coming to me, at least I could get some confidence in bed and rewire.
    I wanted some neuroplasticity inducers to go along with the hookers to theoretically speed up rewiring. Couldn't get my hands on cycloserine (quite an expensive drug without a generic) so settled for noopept. I'm not sure if it has made a difference but I seem to have picked things up quickly. All half hour sessions.
    4th July 2015: It went up quickly but I was too overexcited along with anxious, couldn't keep it in and then it gave up and dropped haha. Got off by hand.
    11th July: A lot of anxiety in the beginning, got a massage and then PIV on top to O. No problems, little bit of PE.
    1st Aug: I might have seen a girl on this date but I don't remember...! Sex doesn't seem as significant anymore, in a good way. I don't get such a somatic anxiety response thinking about it or checking out girls, and I didn't even bother to make a big deal of this session.
    8th Aug: Just a bit of PE.
    15th Aug: Less PE. Trying to be more mindful to prevent being too excited.

    I know you guys don't like using hookers to rewire but fuck it, I wasn't going to wait around for a girlfriend to happen to me. I'm happy. PIED is nearly gone.

    Record: 400 no P + days from 15th Mar to present, 268 days no MO.
    previously 116 days no P, 55 days no MO
     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2021
  2. N3R0

    N3R0 New Member

    Re: 19 years old, at university

    Hey man welcome :) hope you do well with your reboot! ;)
     
  3. hogus

    hogus Well-Known Member

    Re: 19 years old, at university

    Day 8: 8 no PMO, 1 no MO

    The heavy brain fog and headaches are a bit better, probably because of MO yesterday. I don't know if this means I've been set back though... or how much, since it's only a slight difference. Still pushing through though my work is starting to take the hit.
     
  4. hogus

    hogus Well-Known Member

    Re: 19 years old, at university

    Day 9: brain fog and headaches are more intermittent now, but now I feel a strong desire for a real woman. Not just to get down with, but to love in general. I had this feeling when PMOing but it was minor, now it's all I'm thinking about. PMO definitely covered up a lot that was wrong in my life.
     
  5. hogus

    hogus Well-Known Member

    Re: 19 years old, at university

    Just MO'd. Goddammmit, there's sexual stimulation everywhere! Not even just billboards and ads on the internet, but the girls walking to/from campus and at clubs...
    Moderate fantasy, still nothing to really write home about.

    Day 10: brain fog and headaches returned with a vengeance. MO'd.
     
  6. hogus

    hogus Well-Known Member

    Re: 19 years old, at university

    Day 11: Withdrawal is down, small comfort though! I'm going to really make an effort to abstain from MO to get this over with as quickly as possible. Sigh, #beingsingle :p
     
  7. hogus

    hogus Well-Known Member

    Re: 19 years old, at university

    Day 12: Withdrawal down even more, standards have dropped as well. Not in the "I really need a shag so anything will do" way, but just realising there's more to girls than their looks.

    This would be so much easier with a girlfriend. Then again, I guess that's the whole point!
     
  8. hogus

    hogus Well-Known Member

    Re: 19 years old, at university

    Day 13, 14, 15: All basically the same. Physical withdrawal is completely gone - probably happened quickly cos this isn't my first reboot - but I just feel empty inside. I don't even have time to go out and meet girls cos I have so much work to do. A coursework deadline every week until the end of November.. where I have 3 in one day ???

    New goal (which the sig counter doesn't have an option for) is no MO for 2 weeks.
     
  9. hogus

    hogus Well-Known Member

    Re: 19 years old, at university

    I am so goddamn horny right now. I need to be on the laptop to do this coursework but I've moved to the lounge. I doubt these cravings are so much that I start fapping while people are cooking behind me.

    Day 16: NEED A WANK D:
    Planning on going to the gym in a bit which should help. And going out clubbing for Halloween tonight, if I make it through without MO relapse at the end then I guess the additional rewiring will only do me good.
     
  10. hogus

    hogus Well-Known Member

    Re: 19 years old, at university

    So mostly sober now after a pretty heavy night. Danced with a few girls, some heavy flirting. It fucking annoys me that the girl I like is acting as she is - when she sees me it's as if we're basically together but on texts, facebook etc it's obvious she's hardly invested. No MO relapse. Downed a 2L bottle of water. Life is somewhat below average, which is quite good while during a reboot actually!

    Should mention that my dick did nothing while I touched up one of the hottest girls at the preparty. Such is the reboot I guess, and I did genuinely enjoy the interaction - something I wouldn't have done before really.
     
  11. hogus

    hogus Well-Known Member

    Re: 19 years old, at university

    Day 17: 1 week no MO woo. I just want to get all of this over with, quite a way to go though!
     
  12. N3R0

    N3R0 New Member

    Re: 19 years old, at university

    Doing pretty good there! Lol gotta admit im pretty horny these days too!
     
  13. hogus

    hogus Well-Known Member

    Re: 19 years old, at university

    I was dancing/flirting last night and I didn't get a boner even though I was mentally aroused - so they're really cravings for MO rather than genuine horniness. Just keeping that in mind helped me get through it!
     
  14. hogus

    hogus Well-Known Member

    Re: 19 years old, at university

    Day 18: Feeling quite good tbh. Just annoyed at this whole thing.
     
  15. hogus

    hogus Well-Known Member

    Re: 19 years old, at university

    Day 19: Bad day. Felt tired, brain fog. I hate the up-down thing of it all.
    Went clubbing and saw the girl I like getting with some other guy while staring at me... which is odd. I found/still find it incredibly hard to give a crap cos I was so tired and I wouldn't be able to have sex with her anyway.

    Really just want this bs over with.
     
  16. hogus

    hogus Well-Known Member

    Re: 19 years old, at university

    Day 20: Badly ill. Slept for 23/24 hours.
    Day 21: A bit better, slept for about 10 hours so far. Got a spontaneous boner (woo! dead dick comes to life after a week) completely supine - a position I've never been able to maintain in. Lasted a couple mins.
     
  17. Re: 19 years old, at university

    feel better man and good stuff so far. Thats a long time keep it up
     
  18. hogus

    hogus Well-Known Member

    Re: 19 years old, at university

    Day 22: So hard to concentrate on work. All I can think about is my dick. Woke up with a semi this morning.
     
  19. hogus

    hogus Well-Known Member

    Re: 19 years old, at university

    Day 23: With 2 deadlines tomorrow I couldn't afford to be distracted by my dick. MO'd, 95% to sensation. After 20mins I started losing my boner and the tiniest bit of fantasy to a girl I know was needed to O.
    What's done is done, and I can't let my work suffer because of this.

    Also I might need to start MOing completely naked before a shower now... it went everywhere :eek:
     
  20. N3R0

    N3R0 New Member

    Re: 19 years old, at university

    Its ok, just remember the porn is the bad guy here so just MO isnt so bad ;) its the chaser effect you gotta watch out for.
    And i gotta admit thats a little funny lol!
     

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