Just a quick note to say I'm back, started started 7th June and had a couple of false-reboots but seems nofap groove has clicked in. On a 7 day streak now and feeling strong. Love that this community exists, it's a tremendous help! I'm doing this because I want PIED out of my life. I want to experience a sensual sexual relationship with a human. I'm keeping a spreadsheet to track my stats. For June: MO = 0 times PMO = 15 times, avg O per day = 0.5 PME = two days (e= edging) NoFap days = 53% P/M/E = 6% PMO = 41% Looking at 100% nofap for July!
For a while there I had great clarity and insight into nofap and becoming being porn & pied free. I was cruising through nofap, feeling great and improving so many aspects of my life. I finally 'got' that I was a porn addicted wanker which made me really want to change. For the past three days though I lost the clarity and declined. It started with a mix of little sexting (I initiated) led to some M, next day it was ME (M + edging) with a dash of fantasy and a then PME. Slippery slope I had lost my nofap clarity, my head was constantly full of messed up sex thoughts. I also had seriously aching balls, for three days! So today I PMO'd telling myself while I looked at porn that it was okay and the right thing to do because it would clear my head. Sheez, I feel stupid even admitting that. I'm quite proud of 11 days tho. Not much but it is better than 7 a few weeks back. I'd really like to do a month minimum.
Four day binge. I'm amazed how much porn lights up my head, now that I'm aware of porn's affects its as though I can literally feel lovely drugs flooding my brain. The rest of the world seems a bit bland without it. Yet I feel terrible now. I felt so good about myself off porn, getting stuff done and waking up to rock hard MW that lasted 45+ min almost every day, awesome tho it left me properly blue balled for the day. anyways. putting myself back together, a little stronger than before. I'm realising I really do have an addiction issue that's bigger than I realised. my big challenge is to stop the intricate fantasies. This time the binge started with erotic stories
It's like smoking for me: I have learned, and accepted, that I am addicted to nicotine and I'm powerless to control that. The ONLY thing I can do is to never (ever ever ever) let nicotine touch my lips. Not even one puff, not even one cigar - that's all it will take to get back back to 2 packs a day. That's what I know I have to do with pr0n as well. Just stay away! Cravings to open a browser and PMO are strong today so I'm taking it one day at a time - you can too! I empathize with you - I, too, am addicted to PMO. I, too, have fallen off the wagon, several times and one of those falls started with erotica. Just dust yourself off and get back on - you can do it!
