Suicidal after transexual encounter

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Confusedandsad, Apr 4, 2013.

  1. mil

    mil New Member

    Hey man this is almost exactly what i went through i am a rather straight appearing guy. I don't know how bad your experience was but mine was not something i would normally do i feel that this trans disrespected me because they said they would bottom after i did it. but then after he/she came which i was so drunk they didnt even want to give me a blowjob but still made sure i came. Chances are you dont have hiv so i wouldnt worry about it. I'll tell you something that the trans i had the sexual experience told me which helped. It was something likelife is about trying new things you cant like everything it doesn't change who you are you just have another experience. I think this was the weirdest thing ive ever done ive told some people about it but i still cant stop thinking about it and how i was taken advantage of. It does get better though your not alone. I wouldn't tell your girlfriend unless you really have to. Theres homosexuals in the army now and it doesn't make you less of a man it just means you've experienced more. If you didn't like it your probably not bisexual i mean unless it was like my experience I promise you suicide is not going to make you feel any better. The thing is we all do weird things and have embarrassing issues. I just found out my brothers girlfriend is an escort i've done it and i have a girlfriend now and plenty of people get a long with me and would never guess. I remember being so worried i had gotten hiv or something.
     
  2. bigdaddy

    bigdaddy New Member

    hey man,

    you need to calm down your emotions. Your constant fretting over this is making you very emotional. So much so that you are running out on emotional energy which is bringing on the depression. This is happening because you are constantly worrying about this. And the worrying thoughts are bring you strong emotions. Try to not get into a worrying state so much.

    Take deep breaths stay in the moment and this shit will pass. You just need time for you accept what you ave done. You´ll get there buddy. Just chill!!

    J
     
  3. debbieann

    debbieann Joy is within us all-Find yours and enjoy it

    deb here no you are not bi, first sign is wondering and being concerned? right? you were looking at trans because in porn its like a ladder climbing to get that more exciting thing to see...get it. so take a few days to yourself and write down your thoughts. you get in out of your mind,off your chest and you will come up with an answer. you are on your way and the first step to being sexually healthy is caring reaching out and which you are doing. See i am a victim on the other side the only two men i have ever been with were both hooked on porno had ed and blamed me for all their shortcomings glad i learned different debieann
     
  4. scaredoutofmymind

    scaredoutofmymind New Member

    It has been a week since I last watched porn. I feel good about not having watch any porn, yet I still feel terrible about where this addiction led me. I don't feel like I am the same person. It feels like everyone around me knows what happened. And I am still scared have an STD. I keep saying it was only a BJ how bad can it be but yet the worst thoughts. This group has been helpful when I am at my worse.
     
  5. Panonymos

    Panonymos Humility is a virtue

    If you worry so much about an STD, go and get tested. It's not a big deal. But don't worry, read my previous post about it.
     
  6. NotAnymore

    NotAnymore New Member

    Guys, like what panonyos says, T-girls are a 'Straight' thing, a fetish! If you look on gay- forums, they dislike t-girls!
    T-girls are not 'real'!!! I'm still healing with help of a counseling for my encounter of 5(!) months ago, sometimes it's so terrible, the feeling. But i still have the hope that it will pass! And it is not the end of the world, i mean, you don't have cancer, losing a leg, losing family to early or something like that. Afcorse you have to deal with the guilt, what probally is the worst, but that's nature. It shows that your mind is working and have made a big mistake and that you wont do it again!

    I was very very very drunk when i had that episode, in an dangerous country for that 'girls', sometimes i can laugh about it, sometimes i cry! God bless me that i cant remember al and i'm almost sure like in my previous post that i didn't touch the ****. I remember one guy, who i met 1 month before my encounter. He tought it was so funny that he shows it on his facebook!!!! (100% straight guy)
    It's the one or the other, that's what i've learned about this issure. I spoke several people (irl and on this forum) and it's more common than we think. And all those people had regrets for some time but can laugh about it later.

    But...


    For the people who think about to visit one, DON'T!!!!
     
  7. mil

    mil New Member

    Gad to hear im not alone the hing that bothers me about is i tried to say but and im pretty sure she told some people it bordered on rape i guess whatever im past it ive literally been through worse
     
  8. scaredoutofmymind

    scaredoutofmymind New Member

    How did you guys move on after? It has been on my mind constantly.
     
  9. sidney1990

    sidney1990 Guest


    talking to a counsellor will help, and accepting it. accept that its not the end of the world and the only thing you can do now is push on with your life
     
  10. mil

    mil New Member

    It did but that made it so much more exhilarating. I dont know maybe i have a fucked up mind i used to watch gore when i was young too I started smoking weed when i was 12.
     
  11. AddictedAgain

    AddictedAgain Pain = Growth

    Didn't your brain ever tell you P was wrong? I wouldn't be so judgemental, this could be you one day.
     
  12. mr.abi

    mr.abi New Member

    Hey I am struggling with this as well. I don't know how to think about it. I don't want to have a fear of something because that way I'll be lying to myself my whole life. Sometimes I feel like the guilt that I get after I masturbate to tranny porn is my fault, not because there is something off. BUT there really is something off here. I want to think that transsexuals in porn videos and escorts(I have been checking them lately) are women, but now when I think about it that in no ways can be like it. Think about it. How much transsexuals( or even homosexuals) can there be? How does there percentage increase? That happens because we live in a world driven by sex and an empty sex, not a real lovemaking. There simply can't be so much transsexual pornstars. They aren't genuine. And how come the majority of them come from Brazil and Thailand? Well because they are men who go through this taught decision just because they can't earn money. That's why. But let's not discuss morality of transsexuals. What's important is that there is no true faminity in them, they are artificial. And we for sure know one thing: we lack self-respect. We judge ourselves like we are some 5-6 year old kids. That is why we can't succeed in our live. That is why we feel this empty. If we loved and respected ourselves, would we lie to ourselves? Or would we let ourselves have inferior life? No we wouldn't. I repeat, I am also struggling on this issue and it sounds silly but I have to thank transsexual pornography for allowing me to see my real problems. I have matured in my 2 years of fighting this addiction pretty much. And I have never had a streak of even one month, but when I think about it I can feel changes in me. I am 20 years old who has been living in shell for quite a long time. So what I want to tell you is to move on. You can't change what happened but have enough self-respect to never forget it and try not to lie to yourself in the future. And while you are at it, have some respect for your girlfriend and try to explain to her how confused and troubled you are. This may seem really hard, but that's the right thing to do. And don't do it hoping everything will be ok if I tell her. She may not understand you. Just do it because you feel you should. I wish you good luck on your journey to maturity. Because in the end that's all what this challenge is about. Having appreciation of who you are and seeing this world as it is, not through lustful fantasies.
     
  13. sidney1990

    sidney1990 Guest

    do not feel guilty for your shemale porn use, its ok for straights to enjoy shemale porn. you dont find too many gay guys who like shemales, some bisexuals like them but some dont either..

    take it easy with porn and see how it goes for several (not just 90 days) many months
     
  14. jim7878

    jim7878 New Member

    All is not lost, man, this will pass. I've had a similar experience and I know the guilt/shame you're feeling.
    We get tempted and make mistakes. Temptation is a bitch. I really hope you didn't catch something. I had the same fear after my experience with a ts girl. I prayed a lot and luckily I didn't. After that you can just move on and count yourself lucky, try to learn from it. You are now more experienced and have insight into a different and dark world that you didn't have before.
    These kinds of things happen to more people than you think... and you're certainly not the first straight guy to be attracted to a ts and be confused. I would gamble that a majority of straight men, if put in a discrete situation with an attractive ts girl, and also with some substances in them, would fall for the temptation just the same. There is a freaky allure to it that taps into our natural lust. So don't feel so guilty for that. If there is a devil this is his realm. A very strong and unnatural temptation that can make you question everything about yourself. The devil is tricky and very powerful. But God is more powerful in the long run. Devil may have won a battle but not the war... you have to keep up the good fight and keep moving forward. Maybe even try and laugh about it a bit... lighten things up a bit.. the ridiculousness of it all!
     
  15. scaredoutofmymind

    scaredoutofmymind New Member

    Jim7878 I definitely needed to read your post. Today has been hard one for me.
     
  16. NotAnymore

    NotAnymore New Member

    Beautiful post jimmy!!!
     
  17. mr.abi

    mr.abi New Member

    Um yeah I don't but that's what shemale porn really is. It doesn't matter whether gay guys or bisexuals like it.
     
  18. Panonymos

    Panonymos Humility is a virtue

    So, what is shemale porn, really?
     
  19. mr.abi

    mr.abi New Member

    What I mean is most of us if not all imagine some things when we watch porn. Don't we? Who wants to just sit there and watch it? No one. We imagine ourselves in action and we overlook and don't focus on reality, like when we watch transsexual porn and think it's out of this world intimate and exciting when basically what we watch/imagine in our minds is never close to reality. In a long run, porn ruins our vision of real world and what sex is all about and it applies to all kinds of stuff. I think what makes transsexual porn such strong fetish is that you learn what sex with transsexual woman is like and it looks insane, but in reality she is a he with breasts and pretty fucked up life(Don't get me wrong. I feel sorry and at the same time sympathy for them cause they had little . It's like learning about sex from porn when you are a virgin and is even more insane because you get these weird, bad feeling about it but your brain says it's interesting and wants you to have a go so you little by little try to adopt it overlooking your feelings about it. You get very wrong perspective and associate this act with something that is extremely good. You want to get there and experience it because it's that exciting and when you act out and see that it was a lie you fill like a total crap. So yes, shemale porn is a lie of a perfect woman, both feminine and masculine. If it was possible, it would exist in nature without man's help and if you say it's only the matter of evolution, over brains aren't ready for it as well. So yes, it doesn't matter who likes it and who doesn't, it's all about you not living in a fantasy world. You weren't born in a world where this kind of fantasies bring you anything good. You were born in a different world.

    My personal problem is that I can't help myself but think about transsexual porn. Because it's overstimulating and feels so fulfilling. I don't have a crappy life or anything. I even don't have any problems with an erection, but I am nervous and I always look for an escape.That's why I end up relapsing.
     
  20. ooga booga

    ooga booga New Member

    LOL I find it pretty common here for people to draw such ridiculous comparisons. I can guarantee this will never happen to me... I am a socially well adjusted guy with a girlfriend. I just use P to meet my high sex drive.
     

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