This seriously hits way too close to home. I've had a girlfriend for about 2 years now and the last 1 we've been living together. Increasingly over the past couple months I just kept getting more and more into viewing transexual porn and then started to browse backpage and eros looking at the ones available. Tonight I hit an all time low. I decided to bite the bullet and hook up with one. So I met up with her and gave oral and received anal both were protected. But then I got home and my brain just couldn't stop thinking on what I had done. It's not just the act that hurt me but just so overly scared I might've contracted an std and then I could even pass it to my girlfriend. Thinking of her and that hurt me so much that I went from fear to self loathing then contemplating suicide. My reason is that I've finally met this amazing woman and I've managed to potentially destroy everything with one selfish act that I would give anything to take back. I want to get tests to make sure I'm clean but we're going on vacation for a week so I won't have time till after, and we' ll more than likely want to have sex between them. I can't tell her either because I can't stand to see the amount of pain I would inflict to her. After reading this thread i have to say has really helped. I no longer feel the need to possibly kill my self and can realize that I developed a very unhealthy addiction to porn that warped me in a way. My only regret was not finding this forum literally only a few hours ago before I made this terrible decision. I'd like to thank everyone that posted before he with help as it really has helped me, now I feel my next step is to work this out in my mind, control this addiction, then in a week get tested. The fear will probably still be with me until then but I will find a way to work through this.