Suicidal after transexual encounter

This seriously hits way too close to home. I've had a girlfriend for about 2 years now and the last 1 we've been living together. Increasingly over the past couple months I just kept getting more and more into viewing transexual porn and then started to browse backpage and eros looking at the ones available. Tonight I hit an all time low. I decided to bite the bullet and hook up with one. So I met up with her and gave oral and received anal both were protected. But then I got home and my brain just couldn't stop thinking on what I had done. It's not just the act that hurt me but just so overly scared I might've contracted an std and then I could even pass it to my girlfriend. Thinking of her and that hurt me so much that I went from fear to self loathing then contemplating suicide. My reason is that I've finally met this amazing woman and I've managed to potentially destroy everything with one selfish act that I would give anything to take back.

I want to get tests to make sure I'm clean but we're going on vacation for a week so I won't have time till after, and we' ll more than likely want to have sex between them. I can't tell her either because I can't stand to see the amount of pain I would inflict to her.

After reading this thread i have to say has really helped. I no longer feel the need to possibly kill my self and can realize that I developed a very unhealthy addiction to porn that warped me in a way. My only regret was not finding this forum literally only a few hours ago before I made this terrible decision. I'd like to thank everyone that posted before he with help as it really has helped me, now I feel my next step is to work this out in my mind, control this addiction, then in a week get tested. The fear will probably still be with me until then but I will find a way to work through this.

 

I dont know what is in your mind...
If you wanna fuck a tranny do it,but dont be the one that that gets his ass fucked and gives oral.

 

Dude... You can't just cheat on your girlfriend and then risk her health because you 'don't want to hurt her by telling her the truth'. You aren't trying to protect her; you're only protecting yourself. It would hurt her for sure, but she would rather know, given the option. Wouldn't you?

It isn't my intention to make you feel bad, but you need to wake up, when you got into a relationship it stopped being just about you. You've already done one act of selfishness, and now you are saying you will do another (risking passing on an STD) and then justifying it as 'protecting her feelings'. At the minimum, at least make up some bullshit story about being exposed to blood and wanting to get tested before unprotected sex, for her sake.

I feel bad for you, and I know you would take it back, but that won't help your girlfriend OR you if she ends up with an STD and the whole story comes out.

 

Typical bullshit about not wanting to hurt your girlfriend, well my friend, you already did hurt her. I just can't believe that TheUnderdog actually encourages you to have sex with her despite the twisted stuff you did. Unfuckingbelievable. If you had the balls you would either tell her about everything or leave her the fuck alone.

 

Hey, sorry if this post is a little late, but I can definitely relate to what you are going through. When I turned 18 my porn use had led me down a very perverse path. I was watching everything from beastiality, incest cartoons, tranny porn, gay porn, etc. Basically, I couldn't find any more new genres that gave me a rush. I decided to lurk around the craigslist casual encounter listings and found an ad where an older guy (40's) wanted to meet up (mind you, I am straight, but at this point in my porn hobby I would have sex with anything that could move :-\).

Long story short, I met this guy and for some reason I decided to have unprotected sex. After that moment I had lived with an enormous amount of guilt for what must have been at least half a year. Eventually this feeling disappeared. This encounter of mine has faded to the point where it is just a bad memory that pops up every once in a while. These thoughts are easy to brush away now too... so don't worry, man. Things will get much better, you might just want to kick yourself in the ass for the next little while.

Use that encounter with the transvestite to fuel your resolve. I find that stopping my porn use has given me some peace of mind.

 

No...don't attack religion because some people may not agree with what you guys are doing. Why would you leave your girlfriend home and go sleep with a guy and then call yourself "straight"? Receiving anal from a guy is gay. If you're gay, accept it and move on. The age of gays being oppressed is dying. See, I hate this. Guys secretly have other guys penetrating their rectum and they might catch something. Pass it on to their girlfriends. They break up and I ended dating the chick and have unprotected sex with her and I end up on meds for the rest of my life because some guy thought watching gay sex was straight.

 

Hey Guys,

I am terrified. My situation is much like the rest of you guys my porn watching escalated to the point where I eventually went out and received a BJ from a transsexual. Now I am freaking out and terrified I contracted something. I am a nervous wreck. I am noticing things on my penis that may have been there before but now seems to be new. Paranoid.

 

How do you people get into this crazy crap and then do these things. Does your brain not tell you that something is wrong?

Jesus christ!

 

Yes, you are paranoid. The chance of contracting something from a BJ is very very small. Relax man. You are fine.

 

It is difficult to relax. I have always been the calm analytical guy. At first I thought hey it is nothing but porn. Never looked at a guy (transsexual) in real life and gotten turned on. But I have been watching porn on the regular since 12, twenty years. I started with the typical stuff and progressed. I questioned it but said hey I would never do it in real life. I got drunk and and there you go, sitting in the front seat of my car getting a BJ from a tranny. I know the chances are slim but I am so paranoid I feel like I will be in that number.

 

Relax man. I have had the same "career". I had sex with a lot of prostitutes and many times the BJ was without condom. Never got anything. The chances are very small and even if you do get something, it is treatable with antibiotics. You are not going to get HIV from a BJ. Impossible. The HIV virus does not survive in saliva or in the air (oxygen).
I had sex with two trannies in my life. Hell, I am happy for the experiences. I don't want to repeat it, I have put all this behind me. But why feel bad? I enjoyed it at the time.

 

Oh yeah, please stop confusing "a guy" with "a transsexual". It's not the same thing, ok?
I find it very disrespectful.

 

i agree, i differentiate between those who banged transwomen and those who guys who like.. like well...GUYS

i dont get all the heated debates in these forum posts...

i think im probably bi or pansexual myself..but then afain i need to take it easy with labelling myself for now

 

Didn't mean to offend anyone, my apologies. But thanks for the encouragement!!!

 

Don't apologize, you did not hurt my reelings. It 's for you. You are punishing your self when you say you had sex with a guy. It's not a man, biq hairy with a beer belly. It is a feminine, delicate, nice smelling, tgirl.
It is a heterosexual attraction.

 

i have never known any....ANY ( i say again_ gay guys who dig shemales....

its like saying a straight dewd would enjoy a manly looking man witha pussy is straight :/

its just doesnt work that way

 

LOL Great analogy!