Success almost two years in. PIED is undoubtedly a thing.

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Altruism247, Mar 9, 2015.

  1. Altruism247

    Altruism247 New Member

    I've mentioned my improvements in replies but wanted to organize my story. I hope this helps someone out there.

    First, I believe I'm one of the bad cases. I'm 27. I started prone masturbating insanely early, probably around 6 or 7. My body wasn't producing semen yet but I was orgasming while soft. Started whacking to porn as soon as I could (11? 12?) and using Limewire to download videos soon after. Obviously, I started the tube sites as they emerged. Besides the guilt I felt because sex was taboo (grew up in a religious home), I didn't think anything was *wrong* with me. I figured I was a horny kid and teenager, and since everyone else seemed to watch porn, how bad could it be?

    My high school and college romances were similar to many of yours. My first real shot at sex was a failure in high school, as were the first couple in college. Finally, I got a girlfriend as a sophomore in college. Luckily, she really liked me and put up with the first few failures until I finally sort of succeeded. The sex with her gradually got better, but never great over the course of our several year relationship. I continued PMOing throughout the relationship.

    After we broke up in early 2012, I abstained from orgasm, at first out of post-breakup depression. I for some reason never gained the desire to watch porn during this brief period, and during this inadvertent "streak", I experienced what many describe as the "super powers" gained from abstinence or healing PIED. I was in what can only be called a blissful flow state for several months.

    Eventually in August of that year, the bliss came to an abrupt end as I spiraled into the deepest hole of my life which I am just now climbing out of. Was this the end of the initial "superpower" spike from abstinence and the start of porn's version of post-acute-withdrawal-syndrome? If Gary's science is right, I'd say it's possible considering the depth and duration of my case.

    When I started feeling INSANE social anxiety and depression, I panicked and started trying to watch porn again. I say "trying" because I couldn't even get it up to porn at this point (still can't). Honestly, this period of my life is blurry because I wasn't monitoring any of this. I hadn't discovered YBOP yet.

    Finally came across Gary's site in June of 2013 and have not PMO'd since. I masturbated off and on at the start of the reboot, often pathetically and 20% soft. Finally, I decided to go hard-mode outside of sex with my long distance girlfriend.

    Between June '13 and June '14, I saw my girlfriend every 1.5 months or so. We would have a lot of sex, some successful some unsuccessful, and without fail I would notice physical symptoms following orgasm. Nausea, headaches, fatigue, brain fog, depression, anxiety, and complete social incompetence. These are the symptoms I've been experiencing off and on for almost 3 years, but I noticed an even bigger fluctuation after orgasm. Any time I started doubting the reboot process and PIED science, an orgasm would wake me up to the reality that something was not right. That's really the only way I can explain what my brain has been throughout this. Not right. The only thing that kept me alive was the recognition of my sllllloowwwwwlyyy improving symptoms. I was miserable, but i was 1% less miserable than a month ago. And that was enough.

    I mentioned the up and down nature of my symptoms, and I think that this roller coaster effect is the most overlooked important part of this entire process/discussion. The way our mental symptoms come and go during reboot is EXACTLY how post acute withdrawal is described from hard drugs. They say the dark periods get lighter and less frequent, and the good periods get better and more frequent as you move forward through withdrawal, which is exactly what's happened with me.

    Guys, I can't even tell you how low I felt at one point. I was brain dead, socially incompetent even around friends and family, depressed, unmotivated, etc. Now, the symptoms are infrequent and less intense.

    My girlfriend and I live in the same city now, so sex is relatively abundant. We're busy and stressed so it's usually a weekend thing, but it's almost always enjoyable and successful. The only physical symptom I sometimes experience is PE.

    More importantly for my daily life, my mental symptoms have greatly improved. I'm not fully back yet, but I'm closer than ever.

    As far as advice goes.....MEDITATION is a very big one for me. It's weight lifting for the mind, and the mind can either be our biggest ally or worst enemy in this fight. Just sit still for 10 minutes a day and focus on your breath. I started this practice as my new year's resolution, and this is when my improvements began to accelerate.

    An additional note on meditating and exploring the mind: I read something interesting yesterday. "Trying to calm your mind WITH your mind is like trying to bite your own teeth." Thus, we focus on calming the body, and the mind naturally follows suit. Just sit there for a minute and focus on releasing the tension in your shoulders. Do the opposite of shrugging them to your ears. Give in fully to gravity and allow the stress to fall off your body. This simple practice has helped me profoundly.

    Anyways, thanks to everyone on this site who has added value. The best stuff on this site involves trying to get to the bottom of this fucking thing. I've never clicked on a "NOFAP (insert month here)!!' thread in my life but I've spent hours reading thoughtful posts about the flatline, D2 receptors and scientific studies. This needs to keep happening because many more guys are eventually going to drop by. This should be a research hub, not a social media site for guys who can't quit for more than 10 days.

    Keep on keepin on. "Whatever has the nature to arise...shall also pass away."
     
  2. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Hey friend, we sound exactly the same in terms of our rebooting experiences.

    Great to hear about your success and things working out :)
     
  3. RebornAgain

    RebornAgain Beating my addiction one day at a time.. Staff Member

    Great story my man!!

    Its crazy how many of us led similar paths and how pmo-ing led our lives astray..

    In a weird way I'm almost glad I've gone through this addiction..its helped me appreciate life and the simple things in life.
     
  4. Giuseppe Garibaldi

    Giuseppe Garibaldi [url=http://pmo-tracker.appspot.com/?u=60434948879

    Thank you man,I had a vicious circle of mental problems that now sounds like the post acute withdrawals.
    Stories like your are beautiful for two reasons.I'm really happy when someone can do it and I'm happy because if you can,maybe others can!

    Thanks again!
     
  5. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    Story worth reading, i can picture you somehow, usually i just skip the part where i wonder who this person is who wrote this post, but you strike me real somehow. Maybe this "connection to world" is not some spiritual bs afterall, but really real thing

    I too stumbled to this hell hole and friend, ur not only one with those issues.. im six months in and pretty far from posting story about success.. at 1 year point, did you experience clear enough head to make new friends or anything like that?
     
  6. RebornAgain

    RebornAgain Beating my addiction one day at a time.. Staff Member

    Jack if you're really six months in you are MILES ahead of tons of people. People would dream to be six months in. Take pride in that. You're doing great.
     
  7. JohnDoe6

    JohnDoe6 http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic

    Really impressed with this account, sounds absolutely spot on and you have hit the nail on the head with the idea about fluctuations in symptoms. I also agree that this site should be less based on social media and more on a science based interest.
     
  8. Altruism247

    Altruism247 New Member

    Thanks guys!

    And Jack, dude, I can't even put into words how I felt 6 months in. I was stumbling and bumbling my way through a new job that eventually let me go. I could barely look coworkers in the eye while talking to them, etc. And yet throughout this, an AMAZING day would come along out of nowhere. I'd be talkative, confident, music sounded amazing, girls looked better, etc. Then after 36 hours or so--gone. A slow descent back into hell. But as I continued, I got better and better. The good days became more frequent to the point where now, I simply have "okay-meh" days at worst with many good/GREAT days sprinkled in. The ratio continues to improve as you go.

    Now, I'm still a little uptight socially but can manage, and have made many friends at my new job. It's night and day to this time last year.

    Could I have been making genuine friends and walking around with confidence a year in? No chance. Except for a day here and there. And those days were more frequent at a year than they were at 6 months, even if just a tiny bit more.

    Just keep moving forward. Literally your only choice.
     
  9. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    Altruism, what was your relationships with orgasms during your recovery? You said they affected you greatly, but how did you include/approach them? Did you abstain for a long while, or have them sparingly?
     
  10. Altruism247

    Altruism247 New Member

    At first, I figured masturbation would still be fine, so I did that once a week or so. These were unsatisfying of course, and I usually couldn't even get it up no matter how hard I tried to fantasize (about real life girls, not porn). So eventually my orgasms would only happen once every 1.5-2 months, and they would happen in bunches because it was girlfriend visits.

    I'm now to the point where I have zero orgasm hangover after sex, and I haven't masturbated in probably 5 months.
     
  11. Efarjeon

    Efarjeon Member

    Hey there. Glad to see it worked out for you.

    I'm on my second reboot atm, but I don't think it's finished fully atm. My rewiring isn't the worst or the best, but I do hang around women for a fair amount of my time, with only occasional intimacy attempts (I generally find PMO's emotional and empathic numbness affected me a lot over the years). Now, over time I find it easier to sustain these erections for longer, but I still haven't had sex, but mostly done touching/kissing/cuddling etc. Now that my 90 days is done, would you say occasional MO to real-women fantasizing or touch is advisable in any way? I'm kinda uncomfortable with the fact that I find it easier to get hard to thoughts of sex with women I know than I can just touching myself, which seems to indicate my sensitivity hasn't returned (First time I tried to have sex, I couldn't get hard even to her mouth or tongue).
     
  12. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    What kind of effects each MO had? And how many times you fapped in these 20months? How many times sex and when?
    When your creativity went to good levels? When dreams started to get more vivid?
     
  13. Altruism247

    Altruism247 New Member

    MO's effects all were dependent on how far into the reboot I was. At first, they were devastating. The effects were felt less and less the longer I went.

    How many times have I fapped in the 20 months? Hard to say, but not many. I would say 15 or so, total, and that includes zero in the last 5-ish months. My creativity and dreams still aren't fully back. I want to reiterate that I'm still not 100%, because I've felt 100% before and it wasn't this. I'm simply content with where I am right now because it's so much better than the first year or so of my reboot. I take solace in my improvement because I know that if I'm way better now than I was last March, I'll be just as improved by 2016. It's a very, very long process. I can at least survive socially now, and feel like I'm adding something to a lunch conversation at work. At my job last year, it was impossible for me to form real relationships. Just walking past a coworker in the hallway would cause socially anxious tension. I could barely say hello or make eye contact. Yes, that bad.

    As far as real sex goes, I'm not sure if there's ever a bad time for it. Yes, if your case is severe and you're early in reboot, even a sexual orgasm could make you feel like shit. But I'm not sure I buy that it actually harms your brain's progress. Doesn't make sense to me.
     
  14. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    I will avoid any orgasm for a long time and i will never MO again, thats why i think i can follow GABE's recovery time rather than yours, but still im 6.5 months in, and feel terrible. Utterly bad. Eye contack and empty head.

    ... porn is big problem in todays world... im going to survive !! If i cant use my mind now ill use my body and get in shape

    This is beyond bad. Very rough withdrawals. Im with friend and i just cant socialize. Not here to complain tough, least i can excersize daily and that does raise my confidence. This is journey to become most efficient person i could be so getting in shape is just as important than recover my mind.
     
  15. natureboy1209

    natureboy1209 New Member

    Greatness!
     
  16. bossman

    bossman Member

    Altruism, just wanted to stop in and say that you, Fugu and I sound like triplets. We all have the exact same cognitive/sexual symptoms after orgasm, and it's affects me more than I ever previously thought an orgasm could.

    I've been attempting to reboot for 2 years (finally feeling like I'm in control, 80 days no PMO I think and no looking back), and I am constantly cycling through superpowers/bliss and anxiety/depression/fog. The fog seems to come DIRECTLY after orgasm and last 5-6 days. I've had many panic attacks during these times, and low motivation, can't concentrate, ect. Until all of the sudden I'm ladled into bliss for a few days for days 6-8 of abstinence usually. High sex drive, energy, vision better, more creative, etc. No matter what I do, it's been impossible to maintain this "glow"; it always goes away after a few days.

    Then if I stay on the abstinence train, I will SLOWLY start feeling a better and regaining my creativity and drive over the following months. However, like you said, it's not the same "glow" as the one 5-6 days after an orgasm. It's really weird.

    IMO, it's a combination of a couple things: 1. obviously, our brains being f'ed up from porn, therefore shutting down completely and getting overloaded from orgasm, and 2. after abstinence, our bodies are not used to orgasms at all, so they take a greater toll on our systems than normal. 2 may be a stretch, but I've been thinking about it lately and it makes sense. However, porn is definitely the main reason.

    Anyways, congrats on your success and I know we'll all be back to 100% eventually as long as we stick with the program!
     
  17. natureboy1209

    natureboy1209 New Member

    Iam completely the same way! That sounds sooo familiar. While reading this thread it felt like I had written most of it..

    I agree and relate to almost all of this! amazing thread!

    Everything is slowely but surely getting better for me. My lows are higher essentially everytime they come around.
     
  18. natureboy1209

    natureboy1209 New Member

    hey man, That does seem to make sense. On a similar note, I think my body is so use to releasing semen at a constant rate that the re-absorption process of semen is week or f'd up/healing or training or something.. Im pretty sure that is another factor in the reasoning behind my pelvic pressure and other related flatline symptoms. Does that make sense?
     
  19. fugu

    fugu "You know, feelin' good, livin' betta." :) Staff Member

    I am the exact same way as you brainclaim and dangolinternetman with the orgasms. They just seem to have suchhhh a powerful effect on me that it is best to avoid them until the results are more consistent I feel like.

    Maybe this is a place for a PM between the three of us, but I don't about you all but my porn addiction and history was severe. Started early and often for about ten years! This leads me to think that, when we have an orgasm, it is just our brains not being fully healed yet even if we THINK we are healed. We attached 'orgasms' and 'porn' in our brains for so long that it takes a very long time for us to break that attachment and thus have an orgasm that doesn't send us spiraling into flatline and negative mental effects.

    Out of curiosity, did you guys experience (right when you first started rebooting) a 75 day period where you felt like you totally recovered and were king of the world? Only to have it disappear after one orgasm (mine was to MO, no PMO)? I'm really interested in my experience with that and I have seen others experience the same thing
     
  20. Altruism247

    Altruism247 New Member

    Guys, I obviously am in the same boat as you all with the mental effects. It's incredibly relieving to see others report similar things because it continues to confirm how real this shit is.

    Exactly a year ago (and probably even worse between fall '13 and spring '14), I was so bad mentally that it's hard to imagine now. I remember writing on this forum about the insidiousness of these mental effects, and how optimism wasn't even on my radar and thus I couldn't even imagine feeling any better. Any glimmer of hope for better days would be squashed by thoughts of self-hatred or anxiety. Awful, horrible thoughts about myself.

    I'll admit--I've gone through phases where I doubted PIED's power and had a hard time believing it was the culprit because of the duration and intensity of the symptoms. But the up and down nature and how the symptoms mirror dopamine-related PAWS is just too much of a coincidence. The withdrawal process for SERIOUS abusers (like us) is like a sexually-specific PAWS.

    Random sidenote but I'll continue to post mental health advice in here as I improve. My latest focus has been on something called "Nada Yoga", which is simply a direct attention placed on silence or your "inner sound." If you just sit in silence and listen intently, there's some kind of underlying buzzing sound you'll start to hear. If you focus on that slight hint of a noise for long enough, you can become extremely relaxed and I've found the benefits to be residual in my daily life. Try it out if you're interested, especially you guys really struggling like Jack! I think it can help you.

    There's a comedian named Kyle Cease who a few years ago turned his focus to spirituality and motivation, and he says some pretty profound shit that I really buy into. He says he sits and "listens to silence" for 4 hours a day. That's where I first heard of the concept and my research led me to finding that Nada Yoga was a thing.

    Here's one of his videos I think can speak to a lot of us here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zr5fxT399-w
     

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