This first: I'm not fully cured. But I did have sexual intercourse the other day, for the first time in 3 years. And then I got a blowjob a couple days later from the same girl. So I'm still going through it, and perhaps there will be more failures before I'm able to have penetrative sex every single time I want to. But doing it the other day felt so great. The actual act and just the feeling of accomplishment. I'm determined to succeed this time. Because I've actually been here before and fucked it all up by PMOing again. Here's how it went down: I found a girl I'm comfortable with, and attracted to, who was willing to spend several hours at a time with me just cuddling. I didn't tell her I had ED, but I did say that my brain was messed up and needed "time to reset". And so I wanted to take things extremely slowly. This went on for 4 months or so, where we'd hang out twice a week. Sometimes we'd be on my sofa or bed, with her bare legs draped over me, and there would be no stir in my loin at all. And I must confess: I PMO'd sometimes. Way too many times. I'd do 5 day stretches of abstinence, then PMO twice a day for the next 2 before getting back on the horse for another 4 days, and falling off again for 3. Cycle repeat. Many moments where I felt hopeless. Suicidal. But also a couple occasions where I popped unexpected boners, and was still too pussy to go for the pussy. So I did my best to stay present and positive, to not be defined by past failure, and to accept my everyday circumstances as 'exactly how it should be in this moment'. And then it happened. I woke up late one night on sex autopilot - the few moments before my monkey brain fully awakens and reminds me that I'm bizarrely fearful of real-life pussy. POSSIBLE TRIGGER She was in my bed laying on her stomach and I guess she was awake as well. Because when I started caressing and squeezing her ass, she almost instantly reciprocated by rubbing my penis, which made me super hard. And before I could overthink it, I decided to go for it. Doggy-style. It was brief, but I was able to finish and sexually connect with a beautiful woman and feel like a man again. Biggest rush ever. Porn is the devil. And once your mind switches back to loving and connecting with women, PMO is so unsatisfying. It becomes so obviously an agent of sorcery and misery. It sucks your soul. But it's hella easy to fall victim to its prey...sometimes just cuz... boredom ... and... habit. So watch it. I mean don't watch it.