I fell. again. yesterday. I was not going to fess up because I felt horrible. after giving people suggestions/advice. I did not practice what I preach. as I have stated the relapse started days before with me looking at youtube. was watching a podcast when I glanced at a video of a overly provocative model. this was my trigger. I should know better. this started the snowball effect. then I start thinking of this video all day. when I get home I go to youtube again. more of same videos-innocent I tell myself, it's not hard porn. then I start fantasizing. "stinking thinking" they call it in AA. eventually I go to the porn sites and type in my favorite porn stars. it is a shame that I know so many porn star's names, their genre, their favorite positions, etc. that tells me how far down this rabbit hole I have gone. I did not play the tape through. after the 3 second pleasure I felt gross. dirty. filthy. incomplete. not man enough. guilty. like a loser. sneaky. with a dirty secret. I could feel that everyone knew what I had done. may not be true, but I felt it anyway. so today I reset my counter. if I finish today clean it will be day one. I got in the ring with the gorilla again and got my ass kicked again. I can never win against this monster. never get in a pissing contest with a skunk!. my best chance for success is to stay out of the ring. I was going to reply this post to one thread, but I figured it would do me good, and maybe someone else, to put it out there for everyone to see. be transparent. tired of hiding. I hope I learned from this shameful backtrack. hang in there, I am. and like the badger will fight this enemy till the death.