Struggling with fantasy, edging

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Shemah, Aug 27, 2018.

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  1. Shemah

    Shemah New Member

    Hey all.
    I committed to rebooting, hard mode a few weeks ago. I actually had a nice streak going there with not looking at porn and not orgasming. I've even had a lot of successful days not even looking at any social media accounts.
    However, I have been really struggling with edging. I do it almost every night and morning. Wasting about 15-30 minutes twice a day. I get myself to stop but I get going again anyway. Im trying to do a "super hard mode" reboot.
    I've got this great spreadsheet where I am tracking my progress. Ive got all kinds of categories. PMO, PM, P, MO, googling actresses, social media stalking, fantasy. Its great that ive been pretty good with most of these categories, very encouraging, but at the same time I know I'm wasting a bunch of time masturbating and fantasizing.
    I know the solutions. Or at least I think I do. I need to associate my bed with just reading and sleeping. Read till I sleep, then when I wake up, get up. I have been suffering from a lot of foot pain so getting up in the morning has been a bit tough.
     
  2. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    I have been in the same boat, trying to overcome my PMO addiction, but at the same time still spending many hours on fantasies and edging. It's a good start I think, but you're making it very difficult to yourself. You're still using visual stimulation to get a dopamine high, so you will not really rewire your brain. Your spreadsheet is definitely going to help you to become more aware of your addiction. Whet helped me at a certain point was to include my emotional state into such a spreadsheet as well: e.g. anxiety 8/10, anger 6/10, etc. just to get a better understanding on how the intensity and necessity of acting out is related to my emotional state. I want to challenge you to stay one whole day without any sexual stimulation. Want to give it a try? No fantasy, no ogling, no touching, no borderline material, nothing. You can do it for sure and it's a really interesting experience.
     
  3. fappedoff

    fappedoff Member

    Edging and masturbating to fantasy has been an issue in my rebooting too and has in part been responsible for relapses and a cycle of relapsing that I’m stuck in at the moment.

    Part of the problem is that in essence, masturbation and fantasy are not in their own rights bad things. To me they are a very natural thing. Where the issues creep in is 1) The nature of the fantasy. As a recovering porn addict it often ends up being porn based fantasy which for me has lead me to go after the real thing i.e back to looking at porn. 2) Masturbation to fantasy that’s "real" i.e a girl that you’ve seen/know, that in itself can create a barrier to taking action with that person I.e approaching them or asking them out. I say this as I'm a self confessed nightmare with women and always have been and something I’ve been aware of recently when online dating is I’d rather fantasise about women on there than take action with them. And that includes women that I’ve been chatting to and that have shown interest in me! Thats how bad it can be.

    Thus in essence the fantasy/masturbation becomes turbo charged and in the end a negative. I'd love to be able to one day have a masturbation session and fantasy that didn’t cause such havock. But the reality is that it can hijack you easily during a reboot.

    Hope you guys can find your way through it all. Good luck!
     
  4. FUBB

    FUBB Member

    Sadly, your good results in certain respects are all for nought if you are edging. This question was brought up on the website of Gary Wilson (the TEDx talk guy that spoke about porn addiction on the great porn experiment. Here is an excerpt from this page...

    Some men attempting the rebooting process believe that as long as they avoid ejaculation, they are successfully rebooting. This twisted logic leads them to endorse an unhelpful practice common to Internet porn users, called edging. This is masturbating up to the edge of orgasm, then stopping to cool things down, then revving up again. Three common versions of edging:
    1. Watching porn without masturbating
    2. Masturbating while viewing porn, but not ejaculating
    3. Masturbating without porn and without ejaculating
    Since a reboot is defined as no porn or porn substitutes 1 & 2 make no sense. For those trying to overcome problematic porn use, edging while viewing porn (or fantasizing about porn) is far worse than simply having an orgasm and getting it over with. Why is that? It all comes down to dopamine...

    You can read on here... https://yourbrainonporn.com/what-if-i-use-porn-without-orgasm
     

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