Hi, On April 19, 2012 my husband disclosed a very longstanding sex and porn addiction. We had only been married a year but had lived together for 4 years. We are very connected and share a beautiful love and connection, including a lot of sexual chemistry, but I did know that something was up with our sex life (most of the symptoms you have all talked about here). I simply had no idea what it was - only that his weirdness around it all sent me to other rooms to sleep and cry at times. I was relieved to finally see what I had only sensed but was VERY distraught, hurt and angry for a long time. Things still come up for me now even. The past year has been wild - so many peaks and valleys that I could not even begin to describe it here. His addiction started in adolescence (he is 47 now) so his recovery process has been on-going in fits and starts. He has done really well in the past year and we have grown amazingly close. We have awesome sex - both tantric and fantasy based. He is not masturbating at all. However, he recently said that in addition to experiencing some pull back to one of the strip clubs he used to go to when I was out of town (I am heading out of town again soon), he is aware that he is starting to think about introducing masturbation back into his life (w/o porn) at some point. He does not feel a strong need, he says, to do it now, but he cannot think about a life w/o masturbation. This really confuses me since he gets his material for masturbation from people he sees on the street or out in the world, b/c he has never been successful in really limiting his MO practice to mental imagination only, and b/c in every other period of his life in which masturbation has played a part, it has slowly but surely come to be the epicenter of his sexual life (e.g. partner sex simply cannot rival the novelty etc. his auto-controlled sexual activities offer). This all adds up to me feeling cheated on and left out. Although the idea that someone might actually prefer MO to a real life comfortable and known partner was unfathomable to me before this experience, I see that for him this was largely the case (although he really does like partner sex as well). I am SO afraid to go back there again. Although I feel really odd saying that I really cannot tolerate going down this road at all, I feel pretty clearly that I cannot tolerate going down this road at all. This may change over time, but the experience of waiting for him to want sex with me rather than the fantasy girls (or lap dance girls) I did not know about is just too fraught. I could really use the perspective of all of you who have been down the recovery road a ways. What advice and insight can you offer?? Thanks!