Struggling for time (200+ days of no PMO)

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by VeniVidiVici, Dec 4, 2012.

  1. VeniVidiVici

    VeniVidiVici New Member

    Hey, I'm new to the community although I did lurk around a little bit. I'll try to explain my story as short as possible.
    Started masturbating around the age of 12, almost from the start with porn. First occasionally, but from that point onwards pretty much daily.
    I lost my virginity at the age of 18, although it didn't work at first, which I blamed on drinking too much alcohol. It did work out in the morning though.
    Ever since I have had my ups and downs with ED, but it mainly occurs when I'm getting of with girls I actually care about and want to be with.
    Therefore I always blamed my ED on pure anxiety, since I wanted to please the girl I was with and thus perform well.

    Three months ago, I am 22 now, I met this girl, but although we kissed and fooled around a little, we never went further for a couple of reasons that are not important for the matter. When we went for it for the first time we both drank a lot, and in the end it didn't work out. I really wanted to have sex with her, and because of my history I started to do some research and found the Porn addiction community. So I wanted to give it a go, this was just over 3 weeks ago.

    Ever since I have stayed of porn and I encountered strong morning erections during the first couple of days. Boosted by this confidence we tried again, and I got a satisfactory erection, however I did ejaculate prematurely. This was a couple of days into the reboot.
    Since then we didn't try and during that period I MOed twice, without porn.

    A couple of days back (so 3 weeks in) we had an amazing day and one thing let to the other. It didnt work though, because I felt dead down there. Which made me feel terrible, since I really want to pleasure her. After we stopped trying that night, I told her all about my history of ED and me trying to reboot, which felt like a huge relief. The next day out of curiosity I MO'ed, but I barely got an erection, so this didn't give me any relief.

    In general I get that Oing might set you back in your process of obtaining results, I have a problem with that although, since the girl I'm with will leave for another country in 2.5 weeks time. During that time I would love to have at least one satisfactory night with her. After that period I will try to fully commit not to P, M, or O.

    The problem I face however is how can I try to at least have one proper night with her during the next 2 weeks and a bit..
    I am sure that after that rebooting won't be easy either, but certainly not too hard, because of all the positive reports I've read.
    Can anyone give me some advice on this. (I am a complete novice when it comes to things like rewiring or kegel exercises, so even some info on that would be extremely useful).

    Thanks a bunch and I will try to keep a journal going here at least every couple of days, but preferably daily.
     
  2. evgtrees

    evgtrees Member

    Re: Struggling for time

    Welcome to the forum. I suggest if you are want to have sex with her before she leaves, and you are suffering from ED, then you might want to try out the following. It happened to me when I used to do PMO, and tried to quit, but my mind was full of sex and porn. So, I wasn't looking at porn or masturbating, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. Two days after I started my no PMO, I was experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms, since my mind was still inside the porn world. So, I went to bed to take a nap, but I was feeling horny. I started to MO, without P, and got myself off with a full erection. Here is the interesting part, due to PMO, I have ED, and my semen is very liquid without any color, but that day after 2 days of no PMO, my ejaculation was thick and was in color. I mean I haven't seen my semen like that for last 5 years. So, if you want to have sex with her with a good erection you might want to try out the following things:
    - A well balanced diet: 8 glasses of H2O per day (for energy and blood flow)
    - Absolutely no PMO
    - Absolutely no MO
    - Think about having sex with her, feel her in your head, visualize her naked body, the way and the places you want to touch her.

    Do, the last one with your eyes closed, and as many times as you want. The idea is to fill up your mind with the thoughts of having sex, without actually doing it. This way, you will be more pressured and stimulated from inside and will be ready during the event. I know our permanent goal here is not to think about sex on a daily basis, but this is the only think you can do if you want to have sex with her before you reboot yourself.

    When you are ready to start your reboot, you might want to check our the following 2 books, they helped me out tremendously. And most importantly, break P and MO from PMO. Don't watch porn at all, but if you want to relieve yourself, MO without porn, and gradually decrease the cycle.
    http://www.amazon.com/Rewire-Your-Brain-Think-Better/dp/0470487291
    http://www.amazon.com/Porn-Trap-Essential-Overcoming-Pornography/dp/0061231878
     
  3. VeniVidiVici

    VeniVidiVici New Member

    Re: Struggling for time

    Thanks for the response. Actually have no problem of staying away from porn so far. So that is a good thing. I am trying to eat as healthy as possible, and I wanted to start to work out as well, although this is hard, psychologically because of the dark December days and because of my working life and commuting there is not much time left for that.

    About the visualization bit, that might work. The only thing that I'm afraid of then is that it will build expectations, which will turn up the anxiety if things go a lot differently. Am I just too worried about this you'd think?
     
  4. evgtrees

    evgtrees Member

    Re: Struggling for time

    To me it seems like she wants to do it too, just like you. So, I don't think things will go any differently, if the two of you have the same expectation from each other. As for anxiety, just relax when you are with her, take things a little slowly with her. You don't want to rush and make her scared.

    For the visualization, if you are not visualizing about her, but just a random girl in general, then I think it will take out your anxiety when you are with her. Yah, I just got the anxiety part right, after you mentioned. So, everything else stays the same, except the visualization will be about a girl in general, NOT to any pornstar or any celebrity, but to a normal girl who has the same body shape like her. Visualize the foreplay NOT the actual sex. A visualization about foreplay works for me.

    As for premature ejaculation, once I masturbated with condom on after no PMO for 2 weeks, and to my surprise, I stayed erect for almost half an hour, until I had to forcefully get myself off. So, use a condom, since its tight rubberrized base will keep a constant blood flow to yor penis during sex, and it will also make your penis less sensitive. One last thing, do a long foreplay before sex, this will stimulate your body, slowly enough that hopefully you will be able to maintain a full erection for a long time.
     
  5. VeniVidiVici

    VeniVidiVici New Member

    Re: Struggling for time

    I'm sure she wants to do it too, last time she initiated it and she was really bummed out when it didnt pull through.

    I will give the visualization a go, I mean what is there to lose. So I will def try it.

    My main concern at the moment is ED, and I really want to try to keep away from Ming. About the condom, I was too flaccid last time to even make that work..
     
  6. VeniVidiVici

    VeniVidiVici New Member

    Re: Struggling for time

    Day 24 and 25

    Been quite easy to stay away from PMO the last two days, but have been encountering some muscle aches and a headache. Not sure if I'm just coming down with something or whether its due to the reboot. Did have morning wood, pretty strong, this morning. And felt a response when I was making out with my girl at day 24. Was just a kiss goodbye on the street, but still...
     
  7. VeniVidiVici

    VeniVidiVici New Member

    Re: Struggling for time

    Start to realize that self-disciplining me when it comes to (P)MO made me realize my other addictions/cravings, such as fast/greasy food.

    It is interesting that I feel like I'm starting to distinguish more and more what I actually need instead of just want. So I will try to keep away as much as possible from the wants with quick pleasure (eg sweets, fast food etc)
     
  8. VeniVidiVici

    VeniVidiVici New Member

    Re: Struggling for time

    Day 26
    No real struggle today, although I was home alone. Actually got a little aroused by a sex scene in some Rom Com, but no reaction from down there unfortunately..
     
  9. VeniVidiVici

    VeniVidiVici New Member

    Re: Struggling for time

    Day 27 and 28

    It's been quite easy to stay away from PMOing the last two days, although I was tempted on day 27 to rub one out, just to check my progress. Thankfully I decided not to. On day 28 I saw my girl after a couple of days, we ended up cuddling and making out a little, but nothing more than that. I do however start to feel more and more reaction from down there so that is a really good sign :)
     
  10. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Re: Struggling for time

    Ave Caesar, Morituri te Salutant. lol, love my Roman history.

    4 weeks is good. I think with regards to MO or O, it definitely has an effect on your reboot. I'm on day 47 and day 47 after MOing 11 times does not feel the same as day 47 MOing only once.

    Keep going, Caesar.
     
  11. VeniVidiVici

    VeniVidiVici New Member

    Re: Struggling for time

    Haha Pedigree, trying to be a gladiator eh? ;)

    Yeah I do agree with you, feel like the process has been going faster after I stopped MOing, did so twice in week 1 and once a week ago. Apart from that had just one O from sex (although PE). Im gonna stay away from (P)MO for as long as possible, but I'm aiming for at least until the next year, but preferably longer.

    About just Oing, as you might have read in my opening post in this thread, have been seeing this girl, who will be leaving in just under two weeks time, and would love to have regular intercourse with her before that, so I'm not staying away from O. Although I told her everything, and we're really not pressurizing each other.. Thereafter I think I still will not stay away from sex, just for the sake of not Oing. This does not mean however that I'll just go for any girl just to have sex, I know I'm not this kinda guy. So I'll just see how I fare with that..
     
  12. VeniVidiVici

    VeniVidiVici New Member

    Re: Struggling for time

    Day 29
    Went for a drink yesterday with my girlfriend and actually felt a reaction in the downstairs area while just grabbing each other's hands. Not saying I was ready to go or something, but its good to know its still alive. I'm starting to doubt more and more, whether my problem was PI or just M induced. Since it has been quite easy to stay away from P, not Ming in the morning or before going to bed is more difficult. Yesterday for instance I was really leaning towards MO or even just Ming just to check whether everything was working.

    I'm looking forward to check out my real progress with regular sex. Just hope that not Ming for over a week won't give me terrible PE. But first things first, I do really hope the ED will stay away.

    Because of the change in reaction down there over the last couple of days, I start to get some more confidence in myself. So even if my problem wasnt Porn, believing it did, might actually helped me to get over some anxiety. So maybe staying away from porn and masturbation actually helped as sort of a placebo for me. I don't wanna take any chances though, so I will stay away from P and M for a while, until I'm fully confident in my ability and even then I will try to just stay away from it.

    Psychologically I haven't noticed any changes, I think. I do have to say that I've never had any problems talking to people, so maybe it helped a little, but I just haven't noticed it. Around girls I don't have the urge at the moment to hit on them, because of my current relationship status, so can't really say whether that improved at all.
     
  13. ModusVivendi

    ModusVivendi New Member

    Re: Struggling for time

    Alright man just read your journal. Definitely stay away from touching your dick at all while she's still down here. Keep doing what you're doing in regards to just fooling around with her. The more improvement you see, the better. Also in regards to PE, bro just go a second time like 20 minutes later? I've had PE most of my life, and I didn't realize this until a year or two ago, that I can just go 20 minutes later and I would last a good 15-20 minutes that second time.

    I say wait another week of no orgasm whatsoever, and then try again... it will then be 1 more week until she leaves right? So if successful, you can sex it everyday and satisfy her everyday for a week man. She will be craving for you the moment she leaves :D
     
  14. kodomin

    kodomin New Member

    Re: Struggling for time

    Indeed, I feel the same. In a way, this quitting of porn is a great undertaking by itself, but I started to realize that this is only one of the first things that I have to change. The whole "instant pleasure" attitude is what is causing so much problems in life. Porn, shitty food, shitty mind food. All of it makes us lazy, weak slobs.
     
  15. VeniVidiVici

    VeniVidiVici New Member

    Re: Struggling for time

    Day 30
    After my post yesterday I felt really good actually. Especially since I knew I had a date planned. During dinner I could feel an instant reaction every single time we touched, gave a quick kiss or something like that. Because I felt that I started to analyse it. Big mistake...
    We went out for dinner and watched a movie after, I knew where the night was going. But because I let my mind get in the way of my feelings, it was blocking. So when we are going for it, I only could get a semi. After she stimulated it a little, we did have sex, although I had to pull out after what was not even a minute I think, because I knew I would come.

    ModusVivendi, I was thinking about what to do, and yeah for me there were three options. Just blow it, and try again in 20 minutes or so, wait for it and then go again, or just stop altogether. I wanted to be open so I explained what was going on to my girl. She was a bit disappointed, I could tell, although she was very understanding. She said then that she was tired, and just wanted to go to sleep. I didn't feel like I was in the position to stand up against it.. Especially since she had been having a slight cold for the last couple of days.

    Nevertheless I was and am really disappointed in my progress today, the day after. I do feel like my penis is far more reactive than it used to be, especially when I'm relaxed and not even think about having sex. I have ruled out physical reasons for PE, I'm pretty sure of that. It's just that I find it very hard, with my history, to truly relax while making out. This would point towards anxiety, but I'm not sure yet how I will be able to overcome this. Probably building confidence, but that's just hard.

    I really care for this girl, think I never had an as good connection with a girl before, and everything is perfect. Apart from the sex and the fact that she will be leaving in just over a week of course. That actually puts extra pressure on me, since I have a feeling that she 'deserves it'..

    Any tips on how I can try to overcome the PE/Anxiety??
     
  16. ModusVivendi

    ModusVivendi New Member

    Re: Struggling for time

    I fucking hate PE. My ex thought it was a good thing... because it made her feel confident about herself, to make a dude cum in like 45 seconds sometimes. She would never be discouraged by it. Sometimes I would last like 40 minutes, but that was drug induced, and she hated it, she hated anything over 15 minutes.

    Your anxiety will be lessened the longer you abstain from both porn and MO. My anxiety was progressively declining from day 15 onwards. Even now, day 110 I have less anxiety than I did on day 90, and far less than on day 50, and so on. It stuns me to realize how anxious I really was, that it almost seemed normal to me...

    It just sucks that you don't have the opportunity to show her your at 90 days right now. When will she be back?
     
  17. VeniVidiVici

    VeniVidiVici New Member

    Re: Struggling for time

    Not for any time soon. She is exchange over here in Europe and will go back to the States to finish her degree there. I'm not sure what my plans will be, so after next week, we basically break up. We will stay in touch probably, but we don't want to put any pressure on ourselves, since the way it looks right now, there won't be a time we will be together again for a long period of time in the next foreseeable future...
    It's just that I wanna make sure the sexual inability won't give a certain bitter-sweetness while looking back at the great times we had..
    Thing is as well, that I would be down to go down on her or something, but she doesn't want me to. So I feel even more unable to give her any sexual pleasure..
     
  18. kodomin

    kodomin New Member

    Re: Struggling for time

    I have a few tips that helped me with premature ejaculation. One of them is when you feel like getting close to an orgasm, try to press hard on the place between your balls and anus. If you press it hard enough, it can help you make sex longer.
    Also, on lasting longer. I noticed that breathing is very important. Do you meditate? If so, you should basically do what you do while meditating during sex. That is, your breathing should be slow and deep, even if you are going at it like a rabbit. Also, I noticed that orgasm depends on your state of mind. When I have sex, I get in to this meditative state. Its hard to explain, but you will understand if you are meditating regularly. Slow breath, mind in to a deep calm state and pressing that point. These are the things that helped me many times.
    Also, I think you should try buying condoms that are designed to make you last longer.
     
  19. VeniVidiVici

    VeniVidiVici New Member

    Re: Struggling for time

    Have started to try to meditate every night before I go to bed, given that I sleep alone. Think with that during sex though would be that it probably will become less intense, which would be good for PE, but not as good for the other person involved. (Maybe I'm actually trying to much, that would be a real possibility as well.) But I do get what you mean with meditative state, it resembles for me as trying not to think while having sex, but just going with the flow. I'm having difficulties to let go however.

    On the condoms, as I said before I still have difficulties with becoming fully erect, without any stimulation. I'm sure this has to do as well with the letting go I described. For now getting rid of ED is my first priority, because with ED PE isn't even possible. So I will look into the longer lasting condoms and lubricants when I'm further on in my journey.

    Just as a general note, thanks for all the responses. It is really helping me out. :)
     
  20. kodomin

    kodomin New Member

    Re: Struggling for time

    Yea, the meditative state does not mean that you are "out of this world" while having sex. You can smile, talk etc. It does not interfere with any of those things. I mean, when I do it, the only difference that it makes is that my penis becomes slightly more "disconnected" from my body, thus allowing me to perform longer.
    Another way that I thought it might be clearer to explain is concentrating on your breathing. Putting in the conscious effort to monitor your slow, deep breath, instead of focusing on the sensations in your penis.
    Anyway, I am still a beginner at this, and honestly, have not practiced it for at least four months. However, the last times I had sex, I remember using this, and prolonging the act.
    On the "might not be good for another person". Well, first of all, I think its the other way around, the girl might enjoy herself more if you give her 10 minutes of sex instead of 5. Also, maybe we should look at this the same way like we do at other things. You have to learn to have sex. You have to train your endurance. You can't expect to dip it in the first time and fuck a woman for an hour like a pro. Sex, on one hand ,a very intimate, deep thing, on the other hand is a skill, like riding a bike or drawing is. You can really expect to enjoy your first ride with a bike. Your scared, your shaking, your falling. You maneuver slowly, etc.
     

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