Streak after Streak, but Perpetually Relapsing

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by LTB, Sep 1, 2015.

  1. LTB

    LTB Member

    I did a 90 day in 2012. Another 90 day in 2014. And just cleared 60 (July 1 - August 27th), but just relapsed, yesterday and today.

    I self-justify it, and then it starts snowballing. It always starts like this- I know myself and I know my own mind tricks.

    I'm going to write on here instead of looking at porn. No more "streaks," my effort is on removing porn from my life.

    I'm 28 and currently have a girlfriend.

    you sound just like me

    i started when 25 in fall 2012 did a few 90 day streaks since then (2 i think and one like 70 day)

    and quite a few month/2 month streaks

    but here I am at age 28 on day 1

    only difference is no GF right now

    I find that not having a girl around actually makes staying away from PMO easier

    but everyones different in that regard



  3. LTB

    LTB Member

    General Jack D Ripper, I am with you. WE ARE ALMOST 30! LOL true that.

    Having a girlfriend greatly helps for me, but I broke my last streak even with a girlfriend, so it's very far from a cure - all.

    I have not PMO'd since posting. I will implement a counter soon.

    Today I was getting bored, and hopped on here to write instead of wack.






  5. LTB

    LTB Member

    I made a thread about accountability partners. You down to do this?

    Basically, we commit to no porn for at least the end of September. If one of us breaks, he has to the pay the other 50 bucks.

    You game?
  6. I dont think 50$ will stop me, but nonetheless not a bad idea

    im also pretty strapped for cash though, so i think il pass on that

    but im down as fuck to stick together in this shit and get it done!
  7. LTB

    LTB Member

    Relapsed. Feelings afterwards, felt like shit. Quick session, but I don't know how I don't remember the feelings of shame that occur afterward. The shitiness.

    Putting a counter in. So far, it's 3 PMOs since June 30th. Not horrible, but still, not a full on ban.
  8. your doing great my man lets stick together and do this shit

    dont get stuck in a binge
  9. LTB

    LTB Member

    0 PMO in July. 1 PMO in August. 2 PMO in September. 3 PMO in October. 1 PMO in November (just today).

    Still on the low end, but haven't escaped. I tend to justify because I "hardly ever do it"---but those feelings creep in afterwards.
  10. LTB

    LTB Member

    Hey Mr. Cold Turkey, I'll check that out. Thanks for sharing that.
  11. Jigar

    Jigar New Member

    28 here too, just ended my streak. Let's get those numbers back up.
  12. These are my thoughts ATM as well

    i have streaks followed by binges
  13. LTB

    LTB Member

    My girlfriend stays with me quite often- this helps, or rather, puts a band aid on the addiction. I started that Recovery Workshop, and this quote really nailed my specific situation (multiple streaks, two to 90s, ec.):

    "What happens is this: when the emotional pain becomes too great to temporarily manage with compulsive behaviors, the decision to recover provides an intense emotional boost that helps to manage that pain. The person feels good. That feeling may last for weeks, it may last for months. But eventually, inevitably, the emotional intensity that came with the commitment to recover wanes, and the person finds themself, once again, lacking the ability to manage their emotional life. A return to the addiction (or another addiction) is the only emotional management strategy that they have. This, followed by a re-commitment to recovery...followed by another relapse...followed by, well, you get the idea. The cycle will not end until the motivation for ending it has changed."

  14. man fuck this i need to get more srs


    keep up the good work

    i just relapsed horribly
  15. LTB

    LTB Member

    Kinda wish i had a different title for this thread. Another 32 days without PMO, but it just ended unfortunately.

    I broke up with my GF a week ago. Thought I was good. In an isolated small town without friends where I live (besides the GF and Skype/Facebook buddies). Saturday night, trying to focus on work and other ventures, but anxiety (in the form of short temper) and loneliness set in.

    Doesn't justify it. Resetting the counter again, but really need to somehow find what's missing in my life. Started seeing a counselor (not for addiction, but severe mood swings that are directly related). For me, it's the coping mechanism.
  16. just prevent a binge and get back on track

    its good you started to see a counselor to address other issues in your life

    breakups can be tough

    but on the bright side one relase in a month is doing pretty damn good

    so get back on track and address the other problems in your life simultaneously is the best advice i can give

    i know myself recently its just been out of pure lack of effort and want of novelty
  17. NeverGiveUpX

    NeverGiveUpX New Member

    Don't give up LTB! you are making great progress!

    Learn from your relapses! How were you feeling before it happened? what was going on in your mind/life. Write down all your thoughts and feelings on paper after a relapse. This will help you get a better understanding of how your brain works.

    Also once you get an urge. Try replacing it by calling a friend/family member or by doing something else productive! stay busy and keep focused :D

    Cheers Mate!
  18. Jigar

    Jigar New Member

    Thanks for posting that, it definitely hits close to home.
  19. LTB

    LTB Member

    Jigar, NeverGiveUPx, and Jack D Ripper- appreciate the support comments. Today I was very stressed out. It got late, and I found my headspace was in a very bitter "fuck everything" space. Stress over my "girlfriend" (on the rocks), a close family member asking for money, work drying up (I freelance)... I had a relapse; PMO. Only 5 or 10 minutes of it; rushed.

    One of my thoughts was "Oh, well I'll just restart it in the New Year- I've had a horribly shit day, and I've gone 13 days without it, so once more in the scheme of it all..."

    I'm going to tap into what started all of this- not the "intense emotional boost" that comes from a commitment to recovery.

    On the positive side, I've become more cognizant of the when the urge occurs. Even today, I knew that if I opened up my laptop with my headspace that I would look at porn. It's almost as if I did as a slap to my own face; consciously looking at it. I gave up today- and I am trying to pull as much as I can about the experience to dig even deeper into why I reacted to life in the way I did.
  20. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Hey man - as you probably realize yourself that's just another facet of "addictive" thinking. There is no actual reason to wait until New Year's to "start again" - sure the New Year may give us an emotional boost that will make us sustain a "streak" (streaks are necessarily recovery) for longer then usual - but it will inevitably fade - maybe after 10 days or maybe after 80 days - and "relapse" will probably occur. It's the same old cycle.

    Streaks and days don't even matter in the end. I think the only thing that counts is how sincere your effort to stop/change/let go of the destructive behaviors is today.

    Sincere recovery can only start right now. There is no delay in sincere recovery.

    Anyways, I know firsthand, it's a tough battle. Good luck.

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