I'm 35 years old, married, love my wife, and found my way here because our sex life is flatlining. I've been using porn since finding alt.binaries.pictures.erotica during the dial-up AOL days, and got into video with the rise of file-sharing services in the early 2000s. Probably masturbated at least daily from age 12/13-mid-20s (with internet porn since I got to college at 19). Masturbate a few times a week since my mid-20s. I've always been insecure about my abilities and would occasionally have a little performance anxiety as a result. Fantasies and masturbation have been a huge source of comfort. My wife and I met about 10 years ago, when video porn was becoming more prevalent; I'd probably been increasing my PMO as a result. The first few times we were together, I could get it up when we were fooling around, but when the condom came out, I'd deflate before I could get it on and penetrate. Viagra fixed that - and once I was more comfortable with her I didn't need it any more. I continued regular PMO during our relationship, though less frequently than when single. Generally no ED, but I did have lingering minor issues staying fully hard that I chalked up to residual nerves stemming from my initial performance anxiety. A few years ago, my PMO frequency really increased, starting to displace sex, which is now averaging less than 1x/month. The strength of my erections with her was also declining, and I generally needed to fantasize to climax. I (internally) blamed it on her: she wasn't enthusiastic enough/I hated being the one to initiate, etc. This is of course bs, but I believed it for a long time. We are also extremely stressed and busy professionals, so sex has generally taken a back seat to work and sleep. Easier just for me to crank one out than to set up a romantic/sexual interlude for the rare times when both of us are alert/energetic enough. I started looking forward to my private sessions more than time with her, though she is just as beautiful as when we met. Other than that, I have no complaints about our marriage. A couple of months ago, I woke up before my wife, and, as per my habit, browsed porn sites and (a recent addition to the repertoire) escort ads while I played with myself. [Note: I've never hired an escort, and don't actually want to, but it's now a recurring fantasy.] I was horny, and thought it'd be great to have sex with her; we're both still in shape and attractive, after all! She wasn't enthusiastic, and I lost my erection. She said she's just not having sexual feelings at all these days, and I didn't press her further. More time for me to jack off - hooray? I was silently angry at her - why couldn't she fake enthusiasm! I blamed her for my preferring porn over sex (sad but true)! If she didn't even want it, why bother? Might as well jettison my morals and have an affair/hire an escort! My M material escalated rapidly - from "vanilla" straight porn to tranny/bi stuff even though I'm straight. I read the craigslist m4m ads and fantasized about someone who desperately wanted to go down on me (my wife's never really liked it): HOCD happened. I then abstained for 7 days straight for no particular reason - maybe I was weirding myself out. During that time, I noticed that I had no real libido/no spontaneous erections. But then I had a real binge a few nights ago while she was out of town. A visit to a peep show club (never done that before) followed by home viewing of absolutely bizarre videos I've never even considered remotely sexy. And I began cruising escort/stripper discussion sites to plan/fantasize about real-life activities to schedule for her next business trip. Somehow, I also found my way to YBOP. Thank God. I feel like I got here just in time to stop myself from irrevocably screwing up my life with sex/porn addiction. I've now gone another 3 days without PMO and am having a little nausea/shortness of breath here and there (which I relieve by taking walks around my office). Definitely feeling a little "shrinkage" down below too. Haven't confessed everything to my wife, but I'm working up to that. I do think our relationship will ultimately be okay, but it's up to me to make it that way. Last time I abstained for a week was in 2009, when we were on a vacation with family. By the end of the week I was getting hard when the wind blew and my wife and I were having great sex. This last week off had no such reward. I think the bad neurological patterns have been established in those two years. However, I now know that this is a medical/addiction issue and understand exactly why it's so important not to look at porn, fantasize, or touch myself. I don't feel tempted by P right now, despite the withdrawal symptoms, so I'm hoping it will be okay. Much gratitude to YBOP and the founders of this board: without you, I'm pretty sure my future would resemble the movie "Shame." And thanks to everyone who's shared their stories - it means a lot to know I'm not the only one.