Still addicted despite success

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Smash, Apr 12, 2017.

  1. Smash

    Smash Member

    Over 60 days without looking at P and I've deleted my instagram app. During this time I have MO'd without P a few times, possibly 5 or 6 times, particularly since my sexual performance has resumed to normal now. I think I'm doing some good and having some success.

    I met a new girl who I've been having sex with regularly for the past 2 months, shortly after I stopped PMO again this time. She is extremely sexually attractive and I had major performance anxiety with her in the first few weeks. It could have been PIED but it seems to have passed now, perhaps because of the sustained abstinence from engaging with P. The relationship might not last because we have had some minor upsets and misunderstandings recently which I hope we can overcome but I will try to find someone else if this one doesn't last.

    My ex also wants to get back with me, we get along really well and connect emotionally, but what's the point if we are not sexually compatible and I don't particularly want to have sex with her? She is attractive and good looking but not sexy. I can only imagine wanting to resume a sexual relationship with her if I thought I had no other options possible.
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2020
    Gil79 likes this.
  2. Smash

    Smash Member

    Ok, so this girl I'm seeing is not ok unfortunately. She is projecting all her history and negative expectations onto me. So it's a waste of time. She suggested that even though she's disappointed, we could still meet for sex! I know this sounds good but really I don't think it's such a good idea. What if I got her pregnant? In fact, I'm going to keep my distance but be nice to her for a month just in case.

    Now I'm thinking about my ex. Could it work? Could we have a sex life? Most girls like being sexy and attractive. She doesn't get it. She's got a sexual blind spot somehow. Or maybe it's me? Or we're just not compatible?

    Anyway, back to the topic... If I stop seeing the crazy sexy girl, will I want to PMO? Can I abstain? Do I look for a new girl? I feel like I'm chasing relationships to deal with my PMO problem. I developed a PMO problem when I was with my ex so if I got back with her then we would have to fix the sex otherwise I'll be in the same situation with PMO.
     
  3. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Could a goal be to cut out PMO altogether regardless of your situation relationship or sex wise. I mean what does it really do for you? A quick (but drawn out) high and then all the negatives - that's how it is for me anyhow.
     
    realness likes this.
  4. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    I think that is the crux of the matter. I wonder if instead of having all the right situations in place before you can stabilize work from the other direction and get in your mind the way you want to go. That is a birdsnest of possible directions to go!!
     
  5. Smash

    Smash Member

    Thanks both. I'm back on good terms with the girl I've been seeing recently so that relationship will continue for now.

    It's true that my supply of sex is the only way I can manage my PMO addiction. However, I've stopped looking at porn sites. There's other mental stimulation, real girls I've seen or remembered, recalling sexual events and non porn stuff we stumble across in media and TV that is unintentionally sexually arousing.

    Nearly three months into my "reboot" I have begun to MO without P.
     
    positivef likes this.
  6. Smash

    Smash Member

    I relapsed.

    After approximately 90 days reboot.

    I was telling myself it was a one off, but I did it again and again.

    I've started another 90 day reboot from today.

    There was an interesting discovery. The 90 day reboot healed my ED and I've had no problems performing with my girlfriend, however, when I relapsed and PMO'd several times, it was without a full erection. WTF? Have I rewired what my body is physically responding to sexually, despite the mental and brain stimulation I was getting from P?
     
    positivef likes this.
  7. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member

    I wouldn't worry about that. Some guys can get hard to P but not to real women, because they're suffering from PIED. The other way round doesn't matter. It just goes to show that sex and P are two very different things.
     
  8. Vanoli16

    Vanoli16 Member

    Great that you are back and posting about it. I believe there is real power in not going into hiding after a slip. Well done.
     

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