Starting Today

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Kevin Loki, Aug 1, 2022.

  1. Kevin Loki

    Kevin Loki New Member

    Hey guys.
    I know you are probably reading this blog looking for inspiration. So I am writing this to inspire you if you have a porn addiction and related problems of sexual dysfunction. I am also writing this to inspire myself.

    I have been addicted to porn for close to 10 years now. I started watching porn after finding it on one of my cousins' phones when I was 13 years old in 2010. Just at the prime of my puberty. I watched a lot of porn for hours on end at night without masturbating because I had not yet figured out that people use porn to masturbate. So I was watching porn to get aroused and I did this for 5 years until I was eighteen.

    I happened to stumble upon shemale/tranny porn which shocked me but eventually, I would become addicted to this type of filth. I call it filth because I want no association with it once I am done. I feel depressed and angry at myself for watching such filthy porn and for wanting more.

    I have tried to meet up with transgenders or feminine boys but I have not yet actualized any interactions. I often masturbate and hate myself for even trying to do that.

    But anyway, here is a history of my sex life.

    I did not have that much difficulty when I first had sex with a girl. My dick was always erect and hard. However, I did not last as long as I would have wanted. With other sexual partners I have had a different experience.

    But the changes became noticeable when I could not even have an erection when a stimulating hot girl was sleeping beside me begging me to fuck her. I really wanted to fuck her, but I could not maintain an erection. This was in 2018 and I did not seriously associate it with my pornography use, because mine was intermittent.

    The occurrence of my ED actually started before that period but at that time I associated it to my masturbation. I mean, how could I masturbate thrice to shemale/tranny porn (Even writing this word gives me triggers) just before trying to hook up with some girl. It was embarrassing but at least I could associate it to my masturbation session.

    I didn't think much of it, only that I had to reduce my porn use. But I could not sufficiently see that through. I kept on relapsing and going into depressive states where I would watch more and more.

    It became an everyday thing and it escalated. At some point especially during the 2020 quarantine, I would watch porn for around 6 hours daily while procrastinating on my duties and activities. I would watch tranny porn and even gay porn just because that's the only shit that could turn me on then.

    I knew I had a problem but I didn't think that much of it then. I simply had no motivation or free time to think and assess my situation and seek solutions.

    In 2022, when I finally found a girl who was my kindred spirit and who I believed was the one. my sexual dysfunction got in the way. We took things slow, we loved each other and we gave each other space. We literally did not have sex for the first month, but we were very sexual around each other. This was mainly because I could not have standard erections even while being given a handjob or blowjob.

    I could not get my dick hard and I initially attributed that to anxiety. I was wrong, It was PIED. I had developed ED due to my consistent porn use.

    My girlfriend tried to be understanding but the pressure eventually overwhelmed our relationship and now as I write this, we are just on the verge of break up.

    I am an addict and now I have to reshape my life and rewire my brain.
    I know I will have to let my partner go, because I need to discover myself independently and at my own speed. I want to stay celibate and focused on my goals. I know there will be stages of depression I will have to ride and I am ready for them.
    I will document my progress weekly as I tell you how I overcame all my challenges and even how eventually, I became a sex god.
    Let's do this guys, Day 1.
     
  2. Kevin Loki

    Kevin Loki New Member

    today was pretty hard. Managed to do some of my work but i procrastinated.
    I have finally broken up with my girlfriend and its over and done with.
    Now I can't get jealous. She wasn't giving me the reassurance I needed.
    I'm going to sleep in a few.
     
  3. Kevin Loki

    Kevin Loki New Member

    Hey guys. I'm going on well.
    At least i have made changes in my lifestyle by becoming more social with other people.
    Will make more changes slowly. Including:
    1. Taking cold showers.
    2. Running a distance in the morning/evening.

    I have also deleted my reddit.
    Here are some posts that have changed my outlook on quiting porn.
    1. https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/too...my-thoughts-on-rebooting-extremely-long-post/
    2. https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/too...ters/the-top-3-fatal-mistakes-rebooters-make/

    Have a great time.
    I wont post as much because I intend to forget about porn and focus on building the life I want. Instead of running away I will face my problems head on.
     
  4. Kevin Loki

    Kevin Loki New Member

    Hey guys. Its been a good week. Even though I haven't been as productive at least I can say I haven't watched porn and this has made me more social and outgoing.
    I resume my web development journey today and I intend to do at least an hour of practice everyday.
    I also intend to spend at least an hour outside in nature and an hour talking with people while not on my phone.


    I have honestly had some point when I got tempted while browsing on reddit but damn I resisted. I told myself that I don't want to have ED forever. Besides, porn use fucks up your whole life, believe me.

    I have been irresponsible, lazy, unmotivated, and I have wasted virtually any opportunity that has come my way. For a whole decade. For what? An orgasm that leaves me unable to have real life sex?
    Crazy huh.
    Anyway,
    so far so good.
    Lets get it!!
     
  5. Kevin Loki

    Kevin Loki New Member

    Damn. I PMOd HARD.
    But I didn't binge.

    Here goes another try. This one is going to be smooth and even better.
     

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