Starting over, Sept 8th 2013.

Re: Keeping it real.

Hi Zed, how's your leg recovering from the operation?

Kind of glad I missed the post about the two lady friends...LOL

 

Re: Keeping it real.

Hi guys and thanks - lots of good food for thought there.

Alfafa I think you've hit the nail on the head mate, and that's where I'm at at the moment. There's no big rush here to get to an answer right away.

Bodhi - yes mate I hear you there, but it's not for me, and certainly not for this situation. I've kind of tried that approach once in the past and I'm just not built for it! Too much bloody hard work apart from all the emotional intricacies.

My leg is really on the mend thanks fc, and I expect to be back in the Bikram studio late next week for a limited version of the class, all being well and good... We'll see. I can't believe how quick it's fixing up.

So I spent the night with the girl I've been seeing last night and had a great time, though was constantly hearing something clunking in the boot (trunk), so to speak. The clunking in the boot wasn't the murdered body of lady 2 I hasten to add, just the sound of something not running right, but it's hard to know how much of it is to do with the relationship in itself, and how much of it is to do with lady 2's presence.

Behind the stress and slight bewilderment though I can feel life stepping up to me more fully, requiring more of me, challenging me to open out further and accept more of what it has to give. It's a time to keep all the seemingly small things in order, to keep myself true to what I need, and to not take on all the responsibility for what's going on around me.

Been getting well into the below album lately - just feels so full of all the wonderful chaos and music of life, and Spring especially, and it's inspiring me and soundtracking my various mentalisms a lot. I like the idea of having it on full blast whilst doing yoga, smoking pot between asanas, on a sunny afternoon, light pouring in through the windows. I can't smoke pot any more so I'll just have to go with the first part of that, and I think we had our sunny afternoon for this year yesterday, so it'll have to be in a darker setting....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuDuNfqXnrc

I hope you are well and happy and enjoying your day, whoever you are and whatever it is, whatever you are and whoever it is.

 

Re: Keeping it real.

I sure get a kick out of your writing ability. Please keep it going.

And thanks for being my dj. I like being introduced to your eclectic tastes.

I won't smoke pot anymore either, but you definitely made me a little nostalgic!

 

Re: Keeping it real.

That's some good tunes their mate. Never heard that one. Sure was meditative… trance-like.

Eventually your heart will let you now what to do about the two:
"It's a time to keep all the seemingly small things in order, to keep myself true to what I need, and to not take on all the responsibility for what's going on around me."
Sounds right on to me. And it seems you have better things to do than PMO.

And it seems like yoga is mending you at a quick speed.
Thanks again for your work tips. I'm chewin' on it all.

 

Re: Keeping it real.

Magical day of walking with a good friend and his baby though parks and cemeteries, getting as deep into what's going on for me as I've ever got with anyone. He's my closest friend and we talked and explored our way into truth so clear and real that both of us and the surroundings we were in intensified and shimmered with an extreme brilliance and vibrancy, like a fuller dimension of reality had silently and invisibly unfolded out.

It was a very powerful shared experience, transpersonal / religious in feeling, and it sprang from my description of the feeling that has revealed itself between my lady friend (who I had thought was just a friend...) and myself, and the intense sharing we experienced in talking about how we were with one another. The experience around the conversation with my lady and the retelling of the situation to my friend today had the exact same feel as when I had a profound, revelatory experience on a meditation retreat last year that blew my silly mind, and I'm left feeling awe and wonder and love and gratitude at the mystery of it all. An experience of God would be the nearest I could summarise it into.

Life is just waiting for us all to step up closer to it, to get inside it more, to fully surrender to it, and there's no limit to how deep we can go.

 

Re: Keeping it real.

Thanks, Zed. You are so right. I am grateful to be getting at least a little taste of it. It is wonderful.

 

Re: Keeping it real.

Zed, I'll be going soon.
But I just wanted to say...of all the amazing men here - I think I am going to miss 'hanging out' with you the most.
Big love brother.

 

Re: Keeping it real.

Just wanted to write that you seem like in a conscious state that I imagine makes P look like shit! I'm sure you're a much more gregarious man than me, but you still provide me with an idea of what it is to live from the heart. Remember these days when the times are tough.

 

Re: Keeping it real.

JDoe, my friend, I very much appreciate your words mate. I feel the same way and will really miss you being here.

RR - yeah mate for the most part, but I have my moments of sliding back in there, or close to it...

I've been laid up sick as a dog today after some filthy stomach bug or food poisoning last night, feeling really fucked and out of it, and found myself teetering into idle perusal of almost-porn on some blogs as I zombied my way through some blogs. Soon enough I was looking at some porn on a tumblr site as I laid there, quite out of my mind, just flopped out in bed with my ipad. It was weird, a sort of automatic pilot thing, and I snapped out of it soon enough, but while I was there I didn't really care. I don't feel it was enough to warrant a reset so I'm not going to do that, but it does galvanise me to refocus my attention on what I'm doing here.

Anyways, I'm feeling rotten so am not writing much here, but my leg is almost completely recovered so I'll be going to Bikram yoga tomorrow if I'm not still crook from this bug. Can't wait to get back in there.

Had a lot of crazy business going on here with the ladies, and I'm reeling a bit with choices made and choices ahead, not quite sure what to do, but I'm feeling that this week is going to be all about getting seriously down to the yoga practice again, getting my body and mind in order, meditating, stepping up.

 

Re: Keeping it real.

Those old fast track wirings are pretty engrained and easy to tap back into that's for sure. Remember your moment of "pause" you once wrote about, mate. We need to strengthen those alternate routes.
Good to hear you're back to Yoga tomorrow.

 

Re: Keeping it real.

Just stopping in to say hi and gald to see things are going well.

 

Re: Keeping it real.

Thanks fellas.

Got some difficult, tangled stuff going on here with a woman I am falling for and a woman I thought I was falling for, but I'm hoping the truth, when I find it finally in myself, will see us each through.

Sun is shining today, the air is clear, the blossom is out, everything is beckoning.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fUPHfn3J6Q

 

Re: Keeping it real.

I expected some music in french. How dissapointing!

Hope you feel better!

 

Re: Keeping it real.

Thanks DJ Zed

 

Re: Keeping it real.

'My beloved child,
Break your heart no longer.
Each time you judge yourself, you break your heart.
You pull away from the love that is the well-spring of your vitality.
But now the time has come, your time, to live and to trust the goodness that you are.
There is no evil, no wrong in you
Your true essence is pure awareness, aliveness, love.
Let no one, no idea or thought obscure this truth.
If one comes… forgive it for its unknowing.
Just let go and breathe into the goodness that you are.'

- Kirpal Venanji

 

Re: Keeping it real.

Now you're my poetry DJ too!

Keep on spinning 'em Zed. I just sent that one to a dear loved one.

 

Re: Keeping it real.

Ah, Z. I often feel as though I know the place your at by your music selections. At least in my projections. That song felt like dancing by the waterfront.

Best to you with the two ladies, mate. Listen to that heart and all will be well in time. Nobody can argue for long with truth.

 

Re: Keeping it real.

Ha - RR I wish that were true mate! I was feeling the joys of Spring though that's for sure.

Well I've somehow made a complete mess out of the situation here with my lady suitors, and without going into the details, I find myself 2 weeks after the first moves staggering out of what feels like a shipwreck at the end of a highly exciting and turbulent tossing about on the high seas. It's not quite that bad, but I'm now pulling back to get myself on an even keel, with the hope that my relationship with the beautiful E will be allowed to fully flower soon enough.

All this emotional turbulence and examination has eventuated with the wonderful E holding a mirror up to me with love and truth and I'm so grateful to her for it.

So this is me drawing yet another line in the sand with pmo and its surrounding aspects, or rather resetting my intentions in several areas.

For May my plans are:

Daily yoga of 90 minutes
Daily meditation of 60 minutes
No sugar
No alcohol
No wheat
2 swims a week
6am get up
Super healthy diet
Minimum of 5 hours focussed work a day for 5 days of the week
Be sharp with business communications
Zero tolerance of any viewing or use of porn/quasi-porn
No aimless surfing of the net
Read 3 books
Be impeccable with my words

I'm doing, or trying to do, all of these to a degree anyway, so it's just about ramping up the efforts.

Better get on with it.

Hope you're all grand out there.

It's probably best not to encourage me to post music as I love forcing my musical tastes on others.

This is one of my all time favourites and very timely for me right now. The lyrics are awesome and I'm a total sucker for a clarinet in the right hands (so to speak)... Turn it up and let it in.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtPK0gRdFgI

 

Re: Keeping it real.

Hi ya Zed,

Yer doing grrreat in my opinion! How's the leg healing up? Hope all is well with you brother!!!

 

Re: Keeping it real.

Inspired typo, Zed! Even when you make mistakes, the're beautiful. Thank you for the help. I really, really appreciated it. I'm back. Can't give up.

Serenity, Zed.

Bodhi