Starting over, Sept 8th 2013.

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Zed., Mar 27, 2013.

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  1. better_reward

    better_reward High-speed connection is an oxymoron.™

    Re: Keeping it real.

    I was about to go to bed but I thought I'd first check on my old mate Z. Sounds like some major altering occurrences going on there. Real Rewards is Real happy to hear about your new found lady. Sounds genuine. Since you'll be on crutches maybe she'll help keep you Real. As your leg gets stronger, with the help of your friends, your alignment to the new you (without porn) can get simultaneously stronger, too. As you say, why on earth would you even go near it? Anyways, I can't write like you, but you know what I mean.

    Beam some love, and it will be beaming right back at you.
     
  2. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    Re: Keeping it real.

    Paris, je t'aime beaucoup.

    So a nice girlfriend and cranial massages on top of that? >>>> Life just can't get better!
     
  3. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Re: Keeping it real.

    Great report Zed.

    A lovely lady in your life. Enjoy lots of cuddle time. Hand holding, gentle touch, hugging... just as good as sexual intimacy I find.

    Is there a form of Yoga that is primarily waist up? I know you are a yoga machine and you recovery is going to affect that, but what would someone with limited use of or no legs do? Just wondering, I am fascinated by Yoga although I have not really tried it yet.
     
  4. better_reward

    better_reward High-speed connection is an oxymoron.™

    Re: Keeping it real.

    Hey matey. Sent you a PM.
     
  5. Zed.

    Zed. Steady as she goes...

    Re: Keeping it real.

    Feeling a bit rough as the general anaesthetic is fully wearing off after my op on Friday, but I've had a grand weekend with the lady, who picked me up from hospital and has been with me until this morning. Talked to her about so many things including the pmo situation, and it was very liberating, though interesting that she wasn't really aware of porn being a problem for people. Did have one moment when I was going through my phone to show her pictures of something and we flashed past a series of porn pics I must have saved ages ago and forgotten to delete. Don't know if she noticed but if she had at least I could have been honest with her about it.

    Feeling a lot of conflicting things around the opening of a new relationship, not sure whether I'm as free of the last one as I thought, whether this one is going too fast, where I'm at generally with women and relationships, all of it compounded by feeling a bit whacked out after having been operated on. Was a beautiful weekend though, and wonderful to feel some really deep heart business going on with the sex and the intimacy. It has a different feel to how I've gone about sex in the past. With her I've been fully appreciating her entire self and just going with the flow of whatever we're doing with no need for anything in particular. She was pretty surprised when i told her I didn't need to orgasm and it felt good to feel her go all out as I just felt her through and through and appreciated her and myself and what we were doing together, with no need to 'get off' unless it felt right to do so at the time.

    So I'm here on day 31, the furthest I've come since starting this reboot, with zero interest in looking at porn and an increased feeling of distaste at what it is and at how far it takes us all from the real thing.

    Going from being super active to hardly being able to walk is a challenge but I'm hoping to overcome it soon enough.
     
  6. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    Re: Keeping it real.

    I hope your physical disability is a very temporary one.
     
  7. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Re: Keeping it real.

    Great to read your positive spirit Zed. Nice that in spite of your recovery, you and your friend are having nice physical and emotional connections! Really nice.

    The honesty is really great. Not every one can do that but it is so freeing!

    All the best with a speedy recovery.
     
  8. mcbc_rewired

    mcbc_rewired Active Member

    Re: Keeping it real.

    Hi Zed

    Hope you are on the mend.

    I just wanted to say a HUGE thanks for the, what should be patented sit_on_your_arse_nomatterwhat_and_meditate regime idea.

    It really helped me. After reading your advice I promised myself to sit down each morning at 10 am whatever and meditate or not at least sit. Did so today for the first time and meditated. It worked. I owe you, big time. Also because you are on day 31 and that keeps me going.

    best wishes on a quick recovery and to your new found relationship, conflicting feelings or not; day by day, step by step. No worries about how it will turn out.
     
  9. bright_eyes

    bright_eyes Master of My Own Mind?

    Re: Keeping it real.

    This, to me, is the destination we all need to be traveling towards. To arrive here means that we have fixed what really needed to be fixed, something far more important than the relatively minor conditions like ED (erectile dysfunction) or DE (delayed ejaculation) that first brought us to this forum.
     
  10. allpoots

    allpoots Guest

    Re: Keeping it real.

    +1
     
  11. Zed.

    Zed. Steady as she goes...

    Re: Keeping it real.

    fcj - thanks man, always good to hear from you, and yes the honesty is freeing indeed.

    mc - I'm really glad it helped mate, now I'm out of the worst from the post-op I'll be getting down to some serious meditation all being well. It's a wonderful way of keeping really centred and true to one's aims I find.

    bright-eyes and allpoots - I agree. Of all the things that has come out of the reboot(s) it feels like an openness to where the sex might go is one of the best, and most importantly being grounded in the experience of really being intimate with another person, and not wanting to shape the action into a habitual way of doing things, or a fantasy. I was lucky in that I didn't experience ED or DE from porn use, but it is certainly noticeable how my erections have been at 100% full throttle every time during sex so far...

    So today is good, and my knee seems to be recovering extremely fast. I was told I would be in a lot of pain and on crutches for at least two weeks but I'm able to walk with out them and I'm feeling hardly any pain, and my wounds are almost healed up after just 3 days! I'm totally sure it's all the yoga I did beforehand. I've even been doing some very light yoga postures this morning after some acupuncture and it felt great.

    The challenge for me this week is twofold.

    The first is to not get caught up in the post O chasers that are abounding after a weekend of sex. I've certainly felt the pull to look up some porn today, catching myself thinking it'll be ok to just look and all that bullshit. Just keeping to the zero tolerance approach and thinking on the relief of not having to lie about this shit.

    The second is to keep myself on track in terms of not throwing myself into another relationship too quickly. She's a wonderful woman and is keen to get right into things with me, and I am too, but it is definitely too soon to go full tilt with her and I want to retain some space. I'm traditionally crap at this, so I hope I can mange this well enough.

    Anyway, another day without pmo. Excellent.
     
  12. mcbc_rewired

    mcbc_rewired Active Member

    Re: Keeping it real.

    Sounds fantastic progress on the healing - and the relationship too.

    I agree that all the immediate reasons for coming to this site and quitting PMO - in my case the depressive episodes - are just the first benefit. It is so much more, its about becoming ourselves. In my case probably the first time since I was 11.

    Any good sources on yoga (in addition to the meditation!)? Did you go to class or learn yourself. Would like to do it but don't want to pay out for lessons at the moment. So searching for home-based instruction.

    Hope you heal really quick.
     
  13. Zed.

    Zed. Steady as she goes...

    Re: Keeping it real.

    Will pm you some of the bits I've discovered now mate.
     
  14. Zed.

    Zed. Steady as she goes...

    Re: Keeping it real.

    A great start to the day - I managed a tentative 60 minute yoga session and the knee was fine, followed by a good sitting meditation and a healthy breakfast, now ready for the day's work.

    Really want to lean into establishing a good discipline with my work and how I spend my time now, as it's a part of where my former pmo habit was strengthened - often dipping into porn as a way of putting off what I needed to be doing. It's a big one, but I'm going to try today to really get down to some structured getting things done.

    Off I pop.
     
  15. allpoots

    allpoots Guest

    Re: Keeping it real.

    Well done on your quick recovery!

    Your posts reflect a strong positive attitude. It is great to see the reboot lead to a flowering in every area of your life. You are an inspiration. Keep it going. Thanks.
     
  16. Zed.

    Zed. Steady as she goes...

    Re: Keeping it real.

    Just deleted a post here about a crazy situation that's going on in my life as I don't think it's relevant here, but this place has become somewhere I tend to share a lot more of my life than just the pmo stuff so I kind of came here and banged it out... Two beautiful women who I have an incredible connection with, in two different ways, turning my life upside down and round and about, bringing me deep love. It's mental and quite hardcore and, I believe, an expression of the world responding to my new outlook on life, and I don't know what the fuck to do right now. Or rather I think I do, but I'm not sure how. Lordy.
    Day whatever, no pmo.
     
  17. mcbc_rewired

    mcbc_rewired Active Member

    Re: Keeping it real.

    Great to hear Zed. I am sure you will find the answer in your heart now that it is clear from the fog of PMO. That and all the yoga and meditation you are doing!
     
  18. alfalfa

    alfalfa Guest

    Re: Keeping it real.

    My 2p: Probably best to 'stay still' and wait for an answer from the universe rather than reason it out pro vs con style, if you can do that.
     
  19. Bodhissatva

    Bodhissatva Member

    Re: Keeping it real.

    Hi Zed,

    You have touched 2 subjects I have been wondering about:
    - Is the effect of this site only due to stopping PMO (in my case slowing) use or is it related to finally finding a community of like-minded guys and sharing my challenges.
    - Can you love two (or more) women at the same time

    I guess the answer to the first question is a bit of both for me.

    As for the second question, while I was trying to find a solution to my issues with my wife, I came across a movement called polyamory. I saw an entire series (warning, possible trigger material) about people realizing that they might get attracted by new people all the time and deciding to openly and honestly have more than one lover. What I found intriguing was that those weren't people in it just for the sex, they were genuinely in love with all of their partners, some forming triads, others being 2 couples living together and sharing love. I was amazed at the openness and the honesty I could feel from these individuals in the series. It wasn't all fun, obviously. They still had to deal with jealousy and bruised feeling, the complexity being multiplied the number people they were involved with.

    This is a very radically different approach to dealing with the coolidge effect than what Marnia is exploring, but it seem to work for them.

    Intriguing. Relationships are in constant evolution, and I try to keep an open mind about what is happening.

    In the end it was interesting, but non applicable to me since my wife would never, ever get into something like that, and I am not sure I would either.

    As for your situation, I'm with alfalfa, time and meditation will guide you. The important part is to stay honest with everyone ...

    Stay strong! Those are good problems to have (I think), and a sign from the Universe you're doing something good!
     
  20. mcbc_rewired

    mcbc_rewired Active Member

    Re: Keeping it real.

    Interesting Bodhi.

    The doctor we had as kids had a wife and a mistress and it was all agreed and everyone was happy. It seems his wife stopped wanting sex after kids born and agreed that her husband should take a lover. And the latter was content to be just that. Last time I saw him he was in his 70s and they were all still "together".

    Anyway, hope you are healing well Zed and managing some yoga.
     
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