Welcome to the forum. You've come to the right place. You're on a steep learning curve atm but that's good: challenging any addiction can teach us so much about ourselves and recovering from one is life-changing. Keep plodding along, keep coming here (posting and reading) and soon, I expect, you're confidence will begin to return and things won't seem so overwhelming and strange. You're in good company: we've all been slaves to this and have had to deal with the guilt and the shame. Letting it go, is the best advice I received. As someone mentioned, they fuel the addictive cycle. If you slip/binge/or relapse, just get back on the horse and try again. It's common enough. We learn more about our cycle each time we slip. Good best of luck with the sperm sample. I wonder.... could you get your wife to help instead of using PMO?