Starting on my birthday

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by GottaChange76, Jan 10, 2017.

  1. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Welcome to the forum.

    You've come to the right place.

    You're on a steep learning curve atm but that's good: challenging any addiction can teach us so much about ourselves and recovering from one is life-changing. Keep plodding along, keep coming here (posting and reading) and soon, I expect, you're confidence will begin to return and things won't seem so overwhelming and strange.

    You're in good company: we've all been slaves to this and have had to deal with the guilt and the shame. Letting it go, is the best advice I received. As someone mentioned, they fuel the addictive cycle. If you slip/binge/or relapse, just get back on the horse and try again. It's common enough. We learn more about our cycle each time we slip.

    Good best of luck with the sperm sample. I wonder.... could you get your wife to help instead of using PMO?
     
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  2. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Hi Gottachange - Rex is right: focus on the present and the future and keep going. As for counting days - I guess it's a double-edged sword. I try not to think of it as x number of days of not doing something, but rather as x number of days of freedom - otherwise it can become a bit of a negative thing. Keep going and keep focusing on that bright future.

    Oh - and another benefit is the longer you stay free, the more you'll find you're able to analyze your own thoughts & previous decisions, which makes you more self-aware and more in control of your thoughts. It's a gradual process but, as you point out above, you'll find that you have those moments of realisation as you carry on your journey.

    Keep going mate - you're doing well!
     
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  3. GottaChange76

    GottaChange76 Member

    Thanks Billy, Rex and Lowdo. Your support is appreciated.

    I've noticed that porn really skews the way I look at women...especially attractive women. It's stunning the porn situations I will put a woman in my mind...the vile fantasies I can create. There's a young woman at my work--whom I have a minor crush on. Nothing I would act on. But if she knew the thoughts running through my mind when I see her, she would slap me in the face and run away as fast as she could. I think she's caught me unintentionally leering at her and I get the sense that she's uncomfortable around me. It's probably in my head. Part of the self-loathing that comes with frequent porn use.

    I have had spouts of being PMO free before. And I know that for me the fog of depravity that I carry around with me will lift eventually. It's one of the things I'm looking forward to...having "normal" thoughts.
     
  4. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    It will be interesting to see if that changes as your clean-streak stretches out.

    My prediction is that it will.

    Please report! :)
     
  5. GottaChange76

    GottaChange76 Member

    Thanks, Billy. I'll let you guys know.

    I'm working on Day 5 now. I have decided to keep track of my days free from porn. I'm looking at it as a positive.

    I've noticed that I spend a lot of time alone. My solitude may or may not be a symptom of my previous porn use. Reading other people's forum posts lead me to believe it is. I just finished having lunch byself, which I do everyday when I'm work. Socializing with the people I work seems weird to me. Like why would my co-workers want to hang out with me?

    I don't know if I'll change my habits right now though. It's a struggle just to stay off the porn...
     
  6. GottaChange76

    GottaChange76 Member

    Right now as I type this, I'm facing a few tiggers that threaten to spoil my reboot: I'm home alone, it's Friday night, just got off work, my wife's at yoga, I'm sipping a cocktail, but I am not looking at porn. Normally I would be all up in Tumblr... But not tonight. I'm going to be strong. I'm going to stay clean.
     
  7. Rex

    Rex PMO free is the only way it's going to be for me.

    GottaChange76,

    When you find you are falling into those situations as described above. Do not fuel the thoughts, bat them out of your head. Think of these lovely young woman not as sex objects but as real people. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and this young woman at work was your daughter and some guy at her work was looking lustfully at her and entertaining strange thoughts about her. You wouldn't like it very much.

    PMO and sex addiction has a way of removing our self worth and the the worth of others. We start to view others as just a means for our sexual pleasure whether real or fantasy, it's all the same mindset. I have been in the same situations where I looked at woman not as a persons created by God but as a sex objects. Now I try to see women as persons created in the image and likeness of God that have real worth and meaning to their lives.

    Another problem is that some women today purposely dress in a lustful fashion to get attention. They too have been brainwashed that their whole essence is based upon their sexuality and not the content of their heart and character. Let's face it, we live in a very sex obsessed culture and we all feel in some ways the pain from it.

    It's good that you are being honest with yourself, it's honest posts like the one you posted above that help to peal away the layers of the addiction and will eventually lead to your permanent healing and freedom from your addiction.

    Keep fighting, don't give up! You can do it, you can beat PMO!

    Rex

    ........
     
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  8. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    You have a wife who desires you and so MO should never be an option. I was told the same thing when I arrived here and, though I didn't believe it at the time, it proven itself true. If you were single perhaps it might be different. Though, I have to say, the single guys who have allowed themselves to beat off have usually fallen back to P. We've all spent enough time jerking off. Congrats on your streak and keep it going!
     
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  9. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Too true!
     
  10. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Well done recognising triggers, GC. That's an important part of the learning process. And well done steering away from it! You're doin' great. Xx
     
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  11. GottaChange76

    GottaChange76 Member

    My wife and I tried to have sex last night. I say "tried" because I didn't last very long. We went for it twice. Both times my PIED kicked in. I didn't have flashes of porn scenes running through my mind like I usually do. Instead, I was up in my head telling myself, "don't think about porn." Usually when it happens, I get depressed, full of shame and regret. Then, I turn to PMO the first opportunity I get.

    Not today though. Today I'm working on Day 7 of being free. And I plan to keep it that way. One more day...
     
  12. ananoman

    ananoman Active Member

    you are making progress! keep trying!
     
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  13. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Yeah, man. Good job!

    We can't be beating ourselves up for standard re-booting symptoms.

    You will heal!

    Some fella (I can't remember which) who bowed out from here recently, I think he was three or four months clean and finally was able to experience sex without getting all caught up in his head shit: so there's hope for the rest of us.

    Small Victories Win the War, an old friend used to say.

    He was right!

    :cool:
     
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  14. Rex

    Rex PMO free is the only way it's going to be for me.

    GottaChange76,

    Since you brought it up, I haven't thought of Tumblr since going sober on December 30, the mere mention of Tumblr makes me cringe. Reflecting now on all the time I wasted on Tumblr looking at naked women, it makes me realize how much I have changed for the better these last 24 days.

    Billy is right, you will heal. Keep staying away from PMO and in time you'll be back to 100%.

    Good job staying clean and staying away from Tumblr!

    Keep fighting the good fight!

    Rex


    .........
     
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  15. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    GC76, I think you need to go longer without sex. I'm considered a fast rebooter and I waited much longer to have sex. I think six weeks is the minimum, otherwise we risk staying locked inside our heads. I also wouldn't MO, either. At the beginning I MO'd once a week, but it inhibited my progress. You're doing great and you WILL get there.
     
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  16. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Saville makes an important point. While we all have to decide for ourselves how we go about this but it's worth seriously considering a hard-reboot (M and O free). A read around the forum and you'll find many a folk who've had success this way, quite a few who have found the chaser after O a trigger to relapse and likely not so many who come clean while still O-ing regularly (esp in the first few months).

    Have you heard of Karezza? Could be an option...

    I hope you're doin' okay since Sundee.... ?
     
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2017
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  17. GottaChange76

    GottaChange76 Member

    Thanks for the advice fellas! I will take it under consideration. It's tough because I have a wife who has sexual needs. I'd like to try and fulfill them as much as I can. Plus, she really wants to get pregnant--so there's that...

    Interesting info on Karezza. I skimmed it right away and will read further to see if it's right for me.

    I am keeping busy on Day 8. Busy at work and I will have a busy night. It's all good...no thoughts about relapsing. I am having weird dreams though. Nothing I remember well enough to share, but definitely vivid. Maybe it's just a strange night of sleep. Oh well, gotta go hit the gym.

    Best to all!
     
  18. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Good job!

    I forgot about the pregnancy thing... makes it tricky.

    Go well till soon.
     
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  19. GottaChange76

    GottaChange76 Member

    When the cat's away, will the mice play? NO they will not!

    The wife will be going out tonight and that my friends is one of my triggers. Instead of falling into one of my usual PMO patterns, I'm going to hit the gym for the second night in a row. And when I get home, I will definitely stay off the porn. That's the plan gents. I'm gonna ace this test. (I hope).
     
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  20. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    I'll be rooting for you - stay strong and you'll do it!
     
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