Starting Again !!!! TARGET=90 DAYS NO PM(O) !!!! Wish me luck !!!!

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by tom, May 31, 2012.

  1. tom

    tom New Member

    Hello everybody,

    I'm a 23 year old student form Europe and I have been addicted to porn for years! Never really knew it was an addiction, thought I just liked porn, some times I tough it could be a problem but did not really attempt to stop. I think I started watching porn when I was 12.. And sins then it have been Hardcore porn every day, I'm in university now and it was still the same. Every time I have the chance I go M. quite a few times a day... But I assume everybody have read this story 100x and knows the story very wel.

    But the point is I didn't really knew I was addicted. But I knew I lost HOURES watching porn next to that I noticed I stated watching more extreme porn.. But still thought it was normal. xD

    But because I realized I was losing way to much time (this was what I thought was my major problem) So started googling for sites about porn and I stubbled on YBOP and :eek: :eek:..... :eek: I stated reading and I realized I share sooo much with the people that wrote those stories. Its insane. So now i acknowledge I'M A PORN ADDICT!
    Now I know my biggest problem because of porn is not just the "losing time" It have been the problem of my life:

    [list type=decimal]
    [*]Seeing girls as "object": I can't control myself from staring at them and I am so shy when I need to talk with them
    [*]Just beeing so insecure with myself + I am getting socially "retarded" losing my friends, doing no effort to go out and see people, just staying home watching porn
    [*]Orgasms from normal Sex are just nothing anymore...
    [*]When I'm with my girlfriend I just want to have sex.. and I notice it starts to annoy her, but still do it...

    And I could make the list muck longer....

    But so when I saw the site exactly a month ago I decided to quite immediately.
    But I have a Girlfriend... So I succeeded to do 16 with-ought porn but noticed I started begging for sex more.. Or just a hand-job from her.. so maybe it didn't even count..
    Day 17 I started slipping, first "accidentally" ending on a porn site, then day 19 again and day 20 I masturbated again.... but I decided to stop again but I didn't succeed anymore after slipping for a few days I mastrubated again on day 26.. and today again..

    It is so mindfucking. I know I really should not do it but still can't control myself... The day's when I don't M I just go googling for stuff that is related to porn of when I see my girlfriend I want sex or FB....

    But now I start again!!!

    The exams are stating soon so this means I won't see my girlfriend a lot anymore so maybe this is my chance.

    My aim: 90days NO PM(O)!!!!!!!!!

    I really know I need to do it!!! But It will be hard, Just beeing horny al the time.... + I need to study, while porn will be on my mind a lot of the time, + the exam stress + so many girls in the library + when i study at home the seduction of the my laptop... (and because often a lot of people are on my laptop i can't put a porn blocker, to scared they would notice) I put the O between brackets because I might stile have sex with my girlfriend I think... just not the coming first weeks.

    I am really going to try to post daily!! I know I need to keep reading other peoples stories that REALLY helps!!!

    And if somebody has experience with stopping porn addicting wile having a girlfriend I would love some advice!!! I can't tell her, she would really freak for her porn is really disgusting and it would be humiliating and when it would ever be over between us....

    Wish me luck!!!!
  2. wayne_992

    wayne_992 New Member

  3. hanshin

    hanshin New Member

    Disclaimer: I've never had a girlfriend.

    Maybe you should confess to your GF. Tell her about your problem. If she really cares about you, she will understand and support you. Think of it like telling her you have a drug problem but want to be cured. It will be scary and embarrassing at first, but once done, you will feel soo relieved. If she dumps you because of this, do you think she really loved you in the first place?
    Also, when you reboot you should abstain from ALL forms of sex until you are cured. This means going through at least one flatline period, possibly more. Trying to keep this a secret from your GF is only going to make it so much harder. Think you can abstain from sex without giving her any explanation or just bad excuses?
    Then, you never said anything about ED, but given how much you M'd, it wouldn't surprise me if you did have it. What exactly are your goals here?
  4. tom

    tom New Member

    Day 1: Its Ok just really horny

    I succeeded my first day and I will succeed today as well! I did a few thinks that will ease the pain I think:

    1st: I am giving my laptop to someone in my building, this way I don't get the seduction as hard. Just told him FB was a to big seduction during the exams... (so I will not be able to post every day I think)

    2th: I wrote on a sheet of paper all the reasons I want to quite, When I have more time and less exam stress I will post them here, every time I start to feel the need I just take that peas of paper out of my pocket and read it. Its a long list and it really helps! I wrote what problems it brings, what will get better, if I don't stop how will I become in the future,...

    3th: Its a tip I took from someone on the forum (who got it from his professor neuroscience, that said it was a way that helped against compulsive behavior) Every time you think of Porn you just think about all the bad thinks, the bad feeling, the lose of time.

    4th: I talked with my girlfriend and because we both have a really heavy exam period we are not gone meet each other for at least 3 weeks.. So this means I can not beg for sex or whatever for at least 3 weeks.. After that we will see how it goes.

    @ hanshin: no I don't have an ED... (YET) It is really one of my motivations to stop as well just to avoid getting one!
    And telling my girlfriend I really don't see as an option.. for some time I am not so sure anymore about our relation so I might end it. Sometimes I love here but sometimes I don't.. sometimes I really think I'm stay with her because of my addiction.. The moments I miss her the most, are when I'm horny. But some days I just totally adore here no matter what, so maybe its my addiction that is affection my love for here... I don't know. I decided for myself I will think about it after the exams...
    So I really can't tell her because if I would end it... who knows she will tell it to at some drunk night...

    @Joey: We are gone make it!!!! Do one thing wright all your reasons down. And I think we can not realize yet in howe many ways this addiction has influenced us!!
  5. hanshin

    hanshin New Member

    I don't see much of a future in this relationship if things go on like this. It seems you mostly just keep her for sex. That's fine though, as long as you both feel the same and acknowledge that you are just "friends with benefits". If, on the other hand, she has romantic feelings for you, I expect you will break up sooner or later. Hiding your addiction from her certainly does not help. You'll have to decide what you want.
  6. tom

    tom New Member

    I failed.. But will try again...

    Ok I failed... Already a few times sins the 1th actually but today was the worst... I just cant resist it the moment when the urge comes. I was behind my computer and I realized that I really didn't want to watch porn, but still I just started pushing on my keyboard P O R N, it was like some other part of me was controlling myself. I just feld it was impossible for me to stop, at a certain moment their just pops up in your mind that sentence saying: maybe stopping porn is nothing for you.. maybe you should stop after exams... maybe just taking a look is not that bad... maybe you can stop just by reducing the amount.. But thats all nonsense... I really regret it now.. I should come more on the site and read and tell about my problems it helps..

    But just sins I slipped the very first time it is so much harder to stop. I think it is because till then I did myself NO but sins I slipped its like aaaah its not so bad you did it last time... ITS HORRIBLE.... When I'm behind my computer just for a few minuted i can't resist looking at sites that have something erotic and from there it just goes to more explicit pictures and form there an hour later i'm looking at hardcore porn. A few times this week I did this without masturbating, but 4times sins the 1st of June I slipped totally....... Two times today.

    I reaaaaly want to stop... Its just so hard.. Each time after watching I look at those woman and just feel so bad for them they look so horrible bad, abused, so humiliated with their face smiles trying to look happy but you can just see how horrible they feel... Its really disgusting....

    Tomorrow I'm going to give my laptop to someone else for maybe a week ... So i don't know or I will even be able to go on the forum but not on porn sites nether.. So its a bad and a good thing together...

    One thing is maybe an advantage.. I have been reducing my amount of porn by a lot!!! Used to spend 3 hours a day probably and masturbated 3-5 times a day.. Now 7 times in a month and a half... maybe its some progress but it does not feel like...

    Till a month and a half ago I did not know what a porn addiction was... Now I know and I have the feeling that sins a month and a half my life is controlled by porn, and thats a feeling I did not had before. I really feel miserable and I used to be the happiest person in the world. Maybe its me just noticing my addiction, but it really feels like my life is more controlled by it...

    !!!!!!!!BUT I WILL CONTINUE TRYING!!!!!!!

    No I will say it like this:

    !!!!!!!!I WILL SUCCEED THIS TIME!!!!!!!!!

    Maybe the problem is I just feel to bad for myself...

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