Starting again here... sort of

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by over_it, Aug 23, 2017.

  1. over_it

    over_it Active Member

    Much of my reading was about mindfulness and I think understanding that is very useful and as I said has helped identify when I am ruminating. It is not meditation but it is still a degree of self awareness. I also think learning what meditation is and isn't is good for some less assured people.
     
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  2. over_it

    over_it Active Member

    I am not feeling great at the moment, being off work sick with a virus of some kind. I felt a wave of sadness last night that was triggered by watching a documentary about depression and the people who suffer from it. I know it is partly being sick - I get down easily when sick - but also because I have experienced my own pain in dealing with anxiety issues and my divorce. But I recognise the pattern now that not doing PMO means I feel these things more readily. While it was somewhat suprising how sad I felt and how easily I teared up, it felt necessary and honest, and good to know that while I have some shit to sort out, I don't have to battle clinical depression like some other less fortunate people.
     
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  3. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yep, this is really common at the beginning of a reboot. I still get sad, but it's a different type of sorrow. It doesn't feel like it's going to swallow me anymore. We're allowed to feel and that is something all of us here have to learn.

    Keep 'er going, over_it. :)
     
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  4. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    I got severely ill every single time I got clean after a PMO binge, physical symptoms of the flu/a cold. It's not unheard of as a withdrawal symptom for others either.

    I suffered from clinical depression a few times in my life, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, I've also experienced a few bad panic attacks...and yes, I was knee deep in PMO at the time ( imagine that)! I thank God that I don't have bad anxiety though, I'll take the stupor of depression over a bad anxiety attack any day.

    Did you know that anti-inflammatory herbs and an anti-inflammatory diet can sooth anxiety/depression? I shit you not. Load up on the fresh ginger, brah.
     
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  5. over_it

    over_it Active Member

    Well I guess we are exposed to viruses all the time but we don't notice when we are fighting them off. They're more likely to get us when we're run down. Agree anti inflammatory foods are worth looking into. I know I eat a few of those already and pretty much have avoided crap for half my life.

    Yes, panic attacks are horrible. Not something I'd had for years until my breakup, though they didn't persist for that long luckily. My day to day anxiety is more generalised.
     
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  6. over_it

    over_it Active Member

    Thanks. You're right, it's learning how to accept feelings when we're not used to letting them be. My instinct has too often been to be scared by strong feelings like this, wanting them to go away.

    I realise that I have had a lot of baggage to process with the separation and divorce. Sinking back into semi regular PMO over the last year or so has likely meant that processing has taken longer. I'm motivated now by knowing that the more clean periods I have the more chance I have of healing more fully and moving on from the rut I'm in.
     
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  7. over_it

    over_it Active Member

    Just checking in at the two week mark here, still no MB - my goal is to keep that up for at least the first month.

    I've had an extended period at home sick, which at other times has been a bit of a trigger. You'd think it'd be the last thing you'd be thinking about whilst unwell, but when your brain is used to that feel good fix... anyway this time thankfully I have had far fewer cravings to deal with. I am spending more time online though, and some of that is a bit aimless which I know can be risky, especially when it starts mimicking compulsive browsing behaviour.
     
  8. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Being unwell is no fun and can be a trigger for me, too, if it drags out. Posi vibes ya, Bro. I hope you can feel better, sooon.
     
  9. over_it

    over_it Active Member

    Thankyou, appreciated! :)
     
  10. over_it

    over_it Active Member

    Had a minor victory on the weekend when I woke up in the morning and experienced some sexual thoughts, probably the most of those type of thoughts I've had in the last week or so. Initially said thoughts were me imagining real scenarios but after a minute or so a few porn images started creeping in. I know from past experience this seems to prefigure a relapse when the thinking goes on too long, even if it's not the same day. So I tried to redirect my attention. In the end I picked up the book I'm reading which did the trick.
     
  11. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Good job. Every time we fire up those neural pathways we re-enforce fantasy/pmo trip. The most important thing about rebooting (imo) is allowing those to wither or whatever, not only by creating new ones or exercising healthy ones, but by giving the fantasy/pmo ones the slip. Is why so many find that abstinence from mo and/or fantasy is extremely helpful in breaking the pmo chains.

    16 Days! You're doin' great.

    Keep on.
     
  12. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Perfect! :)
     
  13. over_it

    over_it Active Member

    Thanks Billy B. Yes, tackling the fantasy thing is a a bit new for me, and will be important especially as I am avoiding MB as long as possible this time. Nice to pass the 2 week mark... I've gone longer that that quite a few times of course but I think 33 days was maybe my longest PMO free streak this year.

    Here's to more of the right kind of withering!
     
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  14. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    You can do it, man!
     
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  15. over_it

    over_it Active Member

    Ok, I don't want to get complacent here but the first few weeks have been a lot easier this time, at least in the sense that I haven't really been battling cravings much. So far I have not MB or O'd. I'm not sure what the longest I've been for is without O but it's something like 3 - 5 weeks. I think that was partly due to a dry spell in my sex life, and trying to reboot at the same time. I remember going a bit nuts but at least I had real sex at the end of it.

    Anyway I think at least part of this is down to avoiding MB, so I have to admit I was wrong there. I don't consider MB bad, only that at this point whatever makes me more likely to slip is best avoided if possible. I am feeling urges to get a fix of some kind which I'm ignoring for the moment. My goal is at least a month without O, to give my brain that kick start.

    Overall things are going ok. I'm getting some mood swings including frustration and anger but nothing too dire. I've had some shit days and negative stuff but on the whole I am feeling a bit more confident in myself and my ability to keep going on the path.

    [Edit] actually just remembered that I think when I separated I went without O for a lot longer. It was far from my mind, being in such a bad state of mind and body. I have come a long way since those dark days... wounded, but not broken.
     
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  16. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Wow, have you ever. Great post!
     
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  17. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    During my early reboots MO always led back to PMO eventually...but I would venture that at this point it wouldn't (lots of wires untangled). Even so, I'm not going back to MO...just my 2 cents on the subject. Of course if it gets you away from P and you can handle it, then that's a very good thing.
     
  18. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Yeah, same here. I reckon a big part of how I managed to get to 300 days was zero stimulation. Except... in the end, I really should've done something more about getting some sex into my life. It was great for a while to be free of the cravings for O, but eventually I think that I needed... just some sex. I wrote in my signature that it was MO that led me to my slip, but in hindsight (I remembered the other day, actually) I was blind-sided by a reference to one of my fantasies in a more or less innocuous context and it was a quick pmo that actually put me on the slippery slope. Only afterwards did I start back with a bit of MO.

    Hmmmm. It's a trick one! I would say that you're idea of at least a month of zero stimulation, if you can, is a good one. Maybe even try to go longer.

    Good best of luck, fella.

    You're doin' great. Xx
     
  19. over_it

    over_it Active Member

    Thanks all, will definitely try to go longer once I get there. 300 days with no stimulation, wow that's a marathon effort! I don't think I could do that...
     
  20. over_it

    over_it Active Member

    60 days... woohoo! Been a while since I've done that. Long overdue to give an update here, I will get to it - the good and the bad. Mostly it's good though... there's been no P, that's the main thing.
     
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