Starting again here... sort of

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by over_it, Aug 23, 2017.

  1. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    PMO binging for hours a day for a few weeks and then going cold turkey was something I did for the first few seems like a pretty "normal"
    path for a lot of recovering addicts.

    There is no magic formula for success, I can only tell you what's worked for the end of the day it's about building up your will.

    It's definitely impossible to not think about sex for 6 to 9 months, but you can redirect your thoughts...and put sex on the back burner for just that short while,
    I know it's not easy.

    Anxiety sucks, I got a lot of it when in the early stages of withdrawal. Now I get none...something to look forward to for ya'.
    Billy B. likes this.
  2. over_it

    over_it Active Member

    Yeah, that's what I need to learn to do - redirect thoughts, not feed them.

    Thanks. I don't expect my general anxiety to totally vanish but I know the social aspect of it lessens noticeably with longer periods of abstinence.
  3. over_it

    over_it Active Member

    Doing it tough today... feeling rather down, fragile and highly strung. At times felt like crying or breaking something but I couldn't really do either (at work). So I did a bit of silent 'screaming' in the toilet instead. Cravings are there but not severe.

    I do exercise regularly but it's not super high intensity stuff so thinking about getting a punching bag to release some of this pent up frustration.
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2017
  4. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    That sounds like a great plan. That or running can be great for burning off the adrenaline that comes with anxiety. It's normal though, to be feeling completely out of sorts, you know that, don'tchya? Getting clean can be a complete headfuck for a couple months or more (off and on) but it gets easier, especially when (bless!) some of the positive benefits of sobriety start to kick in. It's gold!

    Hang in there, brother, be gentle and kind to yourself and remember that it will pass. It might pass like a kidney stone(!) but it will pass and when it does, the relief will be... bliss.
  5. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Meditation calms those things too. Exercise and meditation are pillars of strength in dark times.
    Billy B. likes this.
  6. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    We have to do at the beginning all manner of things to keep our hands off our junk. Good going!
    Billy B. and over_it like this.
  7. over_it

    over_it Active Member

    Thanks for the encouragement, and yeah, good points. I've not done more than about a month clean for a while but it' not so long that I can't remember the benefits. Kidney stone is a good analogy!
    Billy B. likes this.
  8. over_it

    over_it Active Member

    I really need to try meditation again. When I did try it last year it was not the right time, and I have since been advised that it's not recommended when you are going through grief so my instinct was probably right. Now I think I need to have another go.

    The hard part is when you have the racing mind so bad that the idea of sitting down a being still and present seems impossible. Of course that's exactly when it could help...!
    Billy B. likes this.
  9. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Yes! I'm surprised I didn't think of it. I tell you what. I can outline a super simple one for you if you like? It'll be after the weekend though because I'm flat out like a lizard drinking...
  10. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Meditation is not something for me. However, I discovered my own form of it by simply moving slowly. It really helped me at the beginning of all this. If I was doing a job outside I did it slowly. I walked slower, I ate more slowly, etc. I didn't realize how much "in a hurry" I was until I slowed down.
  11. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Meditation is focusing on one thing and bringing your mind back to the one thing when it wanders.

    Meditation is that simple.

    For the modern-TV-cellphone-social-media-man, at first, focusing on the one thing for more than 0.0000001 seconds is utterly impossible.

    Modern TV-men try meditation and then they quit. It's just too a 98 pound weakling trying to do a pull up.

    Meditation is focusing on one thing and bringing your mind back to the on thing when it wanders, at first it will wander every 0.0000001 seconds. But within a few weeks of practice, of 15 minutes per day as a minimum, you will likely be able to hold your attention for 0.5 seconds, maybe 1.0 seconds.

    Light year jump in progress, no? Exponential progress in a few weeks. The mind is still a weakling, but exponentially stronger at a few weeks.

    If you practice every day, day in and day out these increases happen. If you miss a day, you go backwards. If you miss a week, you go backwards.
    If you quit, you go back to square one -- 0.00000001-per-second-wandering-mind.

    (A lot like porn addiction, each day brings you forward, or backwards.)

    In a few months of daily practice you may be able to hold your focus on the one thing for 2 - 3 seconds, or maybe longer.
    Just by doing your focusing for 15 minutes every day as you might do jumping jacks or running on a treadmill.

    The one thing can be anything you choose
    Usually it's an image held in the mind's could be an orange, or the number three, or even a religious image.

    It doesn't matter. You're simply training your mind to "sit still". That's all. Simple. Hard, but simple.

    Personally, I usually do the traditional meditation of focusing my attention on the point in the body about two inches below the navel, as it is a major energy center in the body where we all want to energy to accumulate and be stored. That is usually my one thing, but it could be an emotion, an image, a sound, a part of the body, a thing. One thing you hold your attention on.

    Meditation isn't sitting on your ass doing nothing! It's hard fucking work. All the bell's and whistles about posture and breathing and this and that are merely accessories...meditation is training your mind to sit like you would train a dog.

    Meditation slowly spills over into your "normal life". You re-act less, you act more.
    You see more. The world slows down. You gain control over the most basic essence of yourself. tap into serious mystical shit.

    Like this.
    One day after a morning meditation I was walking down the street in a major urban metropolis, and every single person I encountered nodded hello at me. country folks this might not seem strange at all. But, let me share something with the country mice reading this, in major urban metropolis' people generally don't even look at people they come across on the street.
    If you know what I'm talking about, you'll know that this isn't a coincidence.

    For anyone reading this tell me...if your very mind isn't trained to sit still like a dog, who is in charge of you -- you or your mind?
    Billy B. likes this.
  12. over_it

    over_it Active Member

    I think there are different approaches to meditation and different schools/methods. I think it is widely misunderstood but certainly I've never thought it was simply sitting there doing nothing. I think you nailed it when you said it's about learning to retrain and focus your attention.

    How much of our attention daily is on stuff that happened in the past or on worrying about what might happen in the future... and we're just going through the motions and missing the 'now'. I found even just doing some mindfulness exercises where you're trying to be fully present and aware of your thought patterns can be helpful. I know I spend a lot of time either on autopilot or stuck in negative thought patterns, endlessly ruminating.

    I have done a fair amount of reading on all this stuff... now I just have to actually get to doing it!
    40New30 likes this.
  13. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    This is mindfulness and very closely related to meditation (which is a mindful practice).
  14. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Or the breath.
  15. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Posture can be important in that, if your slumped, it's more difficult to stay alert and if yr too tense, it's difficult to relax. That's why most methodologies talk about posture.
  16. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    This is a type of mindful-meditation.

    One of the best tricks I've learned is that only a few minutes every day can have profound benefits. I've even heard teachers say to just start at three minutes a day for the first week, upping it a minute per week till you get to 10mins.

    The actual best trick I've learned is how to deal with the frustration of not 'getting' it, of my mind having wandered off. The thing is, say we sit down for a 3 minute breath-awareness mediation and two minutes in we notice that we've been off with the faeries for a minute and half, "Arrrrrgh!" Is a typical response, " I've done it again!". But actually, in that moment when we realise, that's when we would do better to smile inwardly and simply get on with it, because that's the practice: bringing our attention back. Even experienced meditators can have off days, can get distracted, it's about allowing that to be okay (it's normal, natural and to be expected) but to continue with the practice, regardless. Does that make sense?
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  17. over_it

    over_it Active Member

    Absolutely, I agree with you 100%.
    Billy B. likes this.
  18. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Great. Go to it!
  19. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Knowing how to meditate doesn't give any benefit...only doing.
    Billy B. likes this.
  20. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Meditation is another one of those essential life skills, probably the most important skill a human being can have, and it isn't taught in school. This is NOT an accident, folks. Successful people (the elite) all meditate...some of them don't even know that they are meditating, but they are. Some people can naturally focus there minds, most cannot (the 99%).

    It is an essential skill to living an awakened life, one that we control; without it we're drifting, whether we know that or not.

    You're totally right that you can start at 1 to 3 minutes per day, in fact that's probably a better goal because there is no excuse not to...but I only feel the benefits at about 15 minutes.

    When I open my eyes after the 15 minutes are over the world literally looks different -- my consciousness has shifted. It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't done it...although I could perhaps compare it to the feeling you get from drinking maybe 1/2 an alcohol're chilled out, but not drunk at all, the world looks and feels different, much less threatening. Endorphins.

    Hope that helps somebody reading.

    P.S. Yes! Even experienced meditator's mind can be off (life happens, right?), the mind will jump around like a drunk monkey. The key is just to keep pulling the drunk monkey back to the center (the one thing). So simple. Not easy though.
    Billy B. likes this.

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