A bit of a quick backstory - I used to have a journal here but ended up deleting it, partly because I felt like I was reasonably well on top of my p problem. Depending on how you look at it that was true, perhaps to an extent. It was no longer really a regular feature of my life although I certainly had times when I went back to it. In truth since first recognising I had a problem to seriously trying to kick it (around 2013) I've never had more than about 3 months without p. I'm not too hung up on that as counting days loses significance quickly when you focus instead on the gains over time. Anyway skip to the present... my marriage fell apart last year and I am about to get divorced. Pretty crappy time but naively I thought it wouldn't be that stressful as I'm largely over the emotional stuff. Of course I was wrong! Since separating last year I have had weeks or even months without PMO but since October have struggled on and off, usually with isolated binges. I recently had just over a month completely P free but then have more frequent binges this month - weekly then two days in a row (yesterday and today) leading me to where I am now. Where am I now? Sick and tired, yet feeling like this is almost comfortably familiar. Actually I read an interesting book about addiction to unhappiness - the basic argument is that some of us, due to upbringing or whatever, end up confusing unhappiness with happiness and actually perpetuate situations,unwittingly, that keep as unhappy to maintain some kind of equilibrium. Sounds weird I know but I have begun to suspect this theory might have something in it. I have learned a lot from the last 4 or 5 years of trying to kick this thing for good - probably most usefully that my anxiety problem and my p problem were not really two separate things but closely related - I use p for stress relief. Not surprisingly it's terrible as a medicine, and having not really used p on a regular basis in recent years I am reminded everytime after a binge how shitty it can make you feel. With isolated binges I have found myself bouncing back easier. But it's the chaser that's getting me and it feels like it's gettting on top of me again now. I am trying not to be too disappointed - I know doing so is counterproductive. My brain is just tricking me into using my old method of dealing with stress. But I want to get back on track and find more productive ways to reduce stress. Writing this here is a first step and hopefully gives some small degree of accountability again. I know if I can get through the next week or so of cravings I'll be doing ok again. I have a lot of work to do on all things self, but right now I'm thinking staying offline in the evenings when tired will be the first goal. I'll check in here tomorrow. Persistance, not perfection - as someone said - that will get us through.