Started taking medication (SSRI) to treat these panic attacks... Never to ejaculate from PMO, M, sex

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by auzzie_mikey, Apr 17, 2019.

  1. auzzie_mikey

    auzzie_mikey Well-Known Member

    Hey guys,

    I'm 25 years and never thought I'd be the person to take medication to treat depression and suffer so much. These withdrawals whether they are from PMO or having real sex has definitely crucified me beyond whatever anyone can ever imagine. Feeling weak as piece of dogshit around everyone, feeling anxious, not attending class cause having panic attacks, co-workers taking advantage of you cause you appear so weak. Me not enjoying a single thing, can't do work properly, no social life, hair is overgrown, can't even sleep at night properly.

    I started taking SSRIs just 5 days ago and the symptoms have been getting worse. Literally had an anxiety attack and panic attack with heart racing faster, flight/fight response, pressure in stomach becoming unbearable and feeling dizzy.

    Sitting in my car and toilets at work having nervous breakdowns and anxiety being through the roof. I try to exercise mindfulness, having a health sleep, eating healthy and doing everything in my ability to get better, but still getting fucked over.

    I just know whatever is there, I will come out of this stronger. And never ever PMO again. ultimately what does giving up sex mean and not ejaculating if I can have the world back.

    Just in January 2019 I was on top of the world. Fucking bitches, going out, being confident as ever and enjoying life. I never had depression.

    The worst part is my psychotherapist is saying "Its okay to use pornography. You are a young who needs to treat his sexual desires and wants/needs.". I understand that medical science hasn't discovered the effect of how harmful P is, but I have made it certain that I don't ever want to suffer these horrific withdrawals/depression/anxiety ever again. I've had enough.

    Need to cement this in my brain. This the worst period ever in my entire life. Never ever even wish my worst enemy to even go through what I have been through.

    but as I suffered withdrawal/depression same anxiety symptoms in the past, and got through them in Feb 2014 to July 2015 (16 months), withdrawal symptoms in Feb 2018 to May 2018, and then had superpowers.

    I will never surrender. Best thing now is i'm doing work and study and i was just thinking of quitting work and study and just staying at home cause the anxiety is the most painful and the absolute fucking worst. But I was reading online that the best way to address agoraphobia and anxiety is to face it front on, cause otherwise it can get that debilitating and fucked up if you just stay at home and avoid it. I will never surrender and give up this good fight. Onwards to eternity and beyond in the NAME OF THE LORDDDD!!!
  2. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    Hi Mike. I have written this post, deleted it, rewritten it, about three times. I am going to get negative feedback for this, which is OK, I don't mind it, but here goes.

    I am a recovered porn addict. I recovered before the health industry accepted porn addiction was a real thing, and they still don't. We treat sickness with medicine. You are not sick. You did not "catch" porn addiction. It's not like you rubbed up against someone who had it and it brushed off on you. It does not work that way. Same with the anxiety. We hate anxiety, but anxiety is a holdover survival mechanism, the purpose of which is to make us hypervigilant about dangers in our environment. It is helpful today, but a million years ago it was essential to survival.

    Porn addiction is new. It did not exist before the invention of High Speed Internet Porn. Before that, porn was fascinating to the human race. After that, we could sit in a room all day downloading never before sexual images. "Porn" itself is not addictive. We use porn, think of porn as a tool, to generate a sexual thought. Sexual thoughts are, naturally, not addictive, but really get our attention, really fascinate us. That is because they result in a brain reaction we interpret as pleasurable, fascinating, feel-good. It's more complicated than this, but let's call it a dopamine high. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter in the brain that does a LOT of things, but encouraging sex (because sex make babies) is one of the big things it does.

    Porn addiction is a trained, conditioned, brain reaction. The health industry is not going to help you. They do not understand what it is. You are not sick, you are not diseased, you have simply conditioned your brain to give a brain reaction that is very powerful trigger. The solution is training your brain to live without it, and that hurts. That is the pain you are feeling. The most efficient way of overcoming what we call porn addiction is not finding a way not to feel that pain, but to embrace it, and endure it, until it begins to recede. I know of no one who has treated porn addiction away. Rather, they have to condition porn addiction away, train it away, which means getting up ever day, every morning, and going through the days and the nights, for an extended portion of time, 3 months to a year, and not using, not feeding it, not giving yourself an artificially produced dopamine reaction.

    This is the way out. Giving yourself more drugs that mess with your already altered brain reward pathways, is, in my humble opinion, unhelpful.

    You got addicted honestly, unconsciously, like all of us, by using every day, until your brain thought that using every day was not only preferable, but necessary, required. That took practice. That felt pretty good until it did not feel so good anymore. To get clean, you are going to have to train you brain NOT to want that, and that takes time and pain. I hope you hear me on this Mike, because I want you where I am , on this side of clean. Here, it is simply easy. I wanted to die a lot of times along the way. But, I told myself, if I have to feel like dying, every day of my life, every moment of my life, for the rest of my life, to quit using, I would. It did not last forever. It won't last forever for you. Months, maybe a year, but don't be afraid of it. That pain means you are not feeding the porn monster, and that bastard must be starved to death. You have a problem that must cause you pain to kill, but you have to kill it. I know of no easy way out, only the hard way, but the good news is--there is a way out.

    Much love.

    Last edited: Apr 18, 2019
    LetsReclaimLife likes this.
  3. auzzie_mikey

    auzzie_mikey Well-Known Member

    Hey man, Yeah I completely agree with you. But I needed to take medications cause my anxiety was beyond bearable man. ANxiety attacks and panic attacks started happening to me. It was beyond bearable.

    i've also concluded that any form O even real sex fucks me up. So for life, I'm never going to O again cause I never want these bad mental symptoms ever again
  4. auzzie_mikey

    auzzie_mikey Well-Known Member

    Hey man, Yeah I completely agree with you. But I needed to take medications cause my anxiety was beyond bearable man. ANxiety attacks and panic attacks started happening to me. It was beyond bearable.

    i've also concluded that any form O even real sex fucks me up. So for life, I'm never going to O again cause I never want these bad mental symptoms ever again
  5. DoneAtLast

    DoneAtLast Active Member

    I'd consider finding a new therapist - when I was researching looking for one, there were a few that explicitly mentioned working with sex/porn addiction, and that was very promising. I didn't follow through for financial reasons, but they are out there.

    Regarding William's statement: If we can say with absolute certainty that your porn addiction is the sole cause of your anxiety, he is 100% right. If we can say with absolute certainty that it is the primary catalyst of your anxiety, even if you are perhaps genetically prone to anxiety, his argument is still valid. But, I don't know that to be true. Meds are right for some people, but not everyone. Chances are good that they are way over prescribed and more people are getting meds than should, but to me it doesn't necessarily follow that they're always bad. I think a therapist who recognizes porn addiction as a problem is going to be more likely to guide you through that process. A therapist that doesn't consider porn addiction real just can't possibly make that distinction.

    So, how many people on anti-anxiety/anti-depression meds shouldn't be on them or should be seeking different treatments? 10%? 25? 50? 90? I have no idea. You can always taper/change your meds after rebooting if you find them to be unnecessary. I'd stay away from the benzos and other high powered meds to be safe though, as those can be a real adventure trying to get off. Those DEFINITELY are over prescribed, and IMO should be reserved for the level of anxiety/panic that puts people into emergency rooms.

    I would disagree with William's point that porn itself is not addictive, but is only the high speed internet variety. People had porn addictions before that, they just weren't nearly as common. I've seen plenty on here talk about being hooked back in the days of VHS/Betamax rental shops. Plus, I've never seen anyone get addicted to high speed internet pictures of rainbows or waterfalls. Though, people do get internet addictions. I think, in answer to William's point, I'd say that it is a perfect storm of internet addiction and porn addiction creating a total nightmare of addictive tenancies.

    You said:
    This interests me because I've seen a similar trend on these boards over the years. It seems to me that when someone is in the throes of porn addiction, their sex lives tend to be an extension of their porn addiction, like their bodies/zombie brains can't really tell the difference between the two. My own hypothesis is that after a good rewiring, the brain will understand sex in an entirely new way where people feel really satisfied with sex, and that sex will be sought in different ways, more relating to bonding and connection and less to "Fucking bitches" as you put it in an earlier post. Staying away from sex for a time can let you be open minded about an entirely new way to approach sex. I think we're coming full circle, since Gary Wilson first got involved because of his wife's book, Cupid's Poisoned Arrow, which is (as I understand it) about the neurological effects of half hearted sexual relationships.

    On a personal note, I visited a GP last week and part of it was a little mental health survey. Apparently the scores I had put me off the charts for anxiety/depression, though I've never really considered it all that much worse than anyone else. The doctor very nicely said to please contact him if I wanted any help, and touted that he had more experience/expertise than most GPs on dealing with those meds. I'm not against the idea, but I hate the idea of being "on something". I tried ADHD meds years ago, and hated it. The reaction you're having, as I understand it, is normal that stuff gets worse before it gets better, and I really don't want to deal with that roller coaster. But, I haven't locked the door shut either.

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