Started taking medication (SSRI) to treat these panic attacks... Never to ejaculate from PMO, M, sex

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by auzzie_mikey, Apr 17, 2019 at 5:31 AM.

  1. auzzie_mikey

    auzzie_mikey Active Member

    Hey guys,

    I'm 25 years and never thought I'd be the person to take medication to treat depression and suffer so much. These withdrawals whether they are from PMO or having real sex has definitely crucified me beyond whatever anyone can ever imagine. Feeling weak as piece of dogshit around everyone, feeling anxious, not attending class cause having panic attacks, co-workers taking advantage of you cause you appear so weak. Me not enjoying a single thing, can't do work properly, no social life, hair is overgrown, can't even sleep at night properly.

    I started taking SSRIs just 5 days ago and the symptoms have been getting worse. Literally had an anxiety attack and panic attack with heart racing faster, flight/fight response, pressure in stomach becoming unbearable and feeling dizzy.

    Sitting in my car and toilets at work having nervous breakdowns and anxiety being through the roof. I try to exercise mindfulness, having a health sleep, eating healthy and doing everything in my ability to get better, but still getting fucked over.

    I just know whatever is there, I will come out of this stronger. And never ever PMO again. ultimately what does giving up sex mean and not ejaculating if I can have the world back.

    Just in January 2019 I was on top of the world. Fucking bitches, going out, being confident as ever and enjoying life. I never had depression.

    The worst part is my psychotherapist is saying "Its okay to use pornography. You are a young who needs to treat his sexual desires and wants/needs.". I understand that medical science hasn't discovered the effect of how harmful P is, but I have made it certain that I don't ever want to suffer these horrific withdrawals/depression/anxiety ever again. I've had enough.

    Need to cement this in my brain. This the worst period ever in my entire life. Never ever even wish my worst enemy to even go through what I have been through.

    but as I suffered withdrawal/depression same anxiety symptoms in the past, and got through them in Feb 2014 to July 2015 (16 months), withdrawal symptoms in Feb 2018 to May 2018, and then had superpowers.

    I will never surrender. Best thing now is i'm doing work and study and i was just thinking of quitting work and study and just staying at home cause the anxiety is the most painful and the absolute fucking worst. But I was reading online that the best way to address agoraphobia and anxiety is to face it front on, cause otherwise it can get that debilitating and fucked up if you just stay at home and avoid it. I will never surrender and give up this good fight. Onwards to eternity and beyond in the NAME OF THE LORDDDD!!!
     
  2. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    Hi Mike. I have written this post, deleted it, rewritten it, about three times. I am going to get negative feedback for this, which is OK, I don't mind it, but here goes.

    I am a recovered porn addict. I recovered before the health industry accepted porn addiction was a real thing, and they still don't. We treat sickness with medicine. You are not sick. You did not "catch" porn addiction. It's not like you rubbed up against someone who had it and it brushed off on you. It does not work that way. Same with the anxiety. We hate anxiety, but anxiety is a holdover survival mechanism, the purpose of which is to make us hypervigilant about dangers in our environment. It is helpful today, but a million years ago it was essential to survival.

    Porn addiction is new. It did not exist before the invention of High Speed Internet Porn. Before that, porn was fascinating to the human race. After that, we could sit in a room all day downloading never before sexual images. "Porn" itself is not addictive. We use porn, think of porn as a tool, to generate a sexual thought. Sexual thoughts are, naturally, not addictive, but really get our attention, really fascinate us. That is because they result in a brain reaction we interpret as pleasurable, fascinating, feel-good. It's more complicated than this, but let's call it a dopamine high. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter in the brain that does a LOT of things, but encouraging sex (because sex make babies) is one of the big things it does.

    Porn addiction is a trained, conditioned, brain reaction. The health industry is not going to help you. They do not understand what it is. You are not sick, you are not diseased, you have simply conditioned your brain to give a brain reaction that is very powerful trigger. The solution is training your brain to live without it, and that hurts. That is the pain you are feeling. The most efficient way of overcoming what we call porn addiction is not finding a way not to feel that pain, but to embrace it, and endure it, until it begins to recede. I know of no one who has treated porn addiction away. Rather, they have to condition porn addiction away, train it away, which means getting up ever day, every morning, and going through the days and the nights, for an extended portion of time, 3 months to a year, and not using, not feeding it, not giving yourself an artificially produced dopamine reaction.

    This is the way out. Giving yourself more drugs that mess with your already altered brain reward pathways, is, in my humble opinion, unhelpful.

    You got addicted honestly, unconsciously, like all of us, by using every day, until your brain thought that using every day was not only preferable, but necessary, required. That took practice. That felt pretty good until it did not feel so good anymore. To get clean, you are going to have to train you brain NOT to want that, and that takes time and pain. I hope you hear me on this Mike, because I want you where I am , on this side of clean. Here, it is simply easy. I wanted to die a lot of times along the way. But, I told myself, if I have to feel like dying, every day of my life, every moment of my life, for the rest of my life, to quit using, I would. It did not last forever. It won't last forever for you. Months, maybe a year, but don't be afraid of it. That pain means you are not feeding the porn monster, and that bastard must be starved to death. You have a problem that must cause you pain to kill, but you have to kill it. I know of no easy way out, only the hard way, but the good news is--there is a way out.

    Much love.

    W.
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2019 at 10:22 PM
  3. auzzie_mikey

    auzzie_mikey Active Member

    Hey man, Yeah I completely agree with you. But I needed to take medications cause my anxiety was beyond bearable man. ANxiety attacks and panic attacks started happening to me. It was beyond bearable.

    i've also concluded that any form O even real sex fucks me up. So for life, I'm never going to O again cause I never want these bad mental symptoms ever again
     
  4. auzzie_mikey

    auzzie_mikey Active Member

    Hey man, Yeah I completely agree with you. But I needed to take medications cause my anxiety was beyond bearable man. ANxiety attacks and panic attacks started happening to me. It was beyond bearable.

    i've also concluded that any form O even real sex fucks me up. So for life, I'm never going to O again cause I never want these bad mental symptoms ever again
     

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