Sorting myself out

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by GameChanger, Apr 16, 2019.

  1. GameChanger

    GameChanger Member

    Thanks Lakaf - good to focus on the positives
     
  2. GameChanger

    GameChanger Member

    8 days this time, following a similar pattern. I think I'm going to start a new thread soon to try to give this thing a fresh start.
     
  3. GameChanger

    GameChanger Member

    Same again really, I lasted 12 days, then the urge became too strong. "Just" 10 mins but enough to blow my streak. I keep going round in these circles at the moment; it could be better and it could be worse. I really noticed the addiction side of it last night; the urge, not feeling mentally comfortable without indulging in P. I really do have a problem with this. Being free from it would mean, I think, feeling freer and happier in general, without this addictive urge always in the background.

    The hard part is overcoming a strong urge when it hits, to remind myself that it will pass. I actually do manage this a lot of the time, but clearly not always which is why I am here and have this problem.
     
  4. GameChanger

    GameChanger Member

    Finding this really hard at the moment, harder than it's been for the few months.

    It's very tempting to go there all the time. It's hard to say why this is more difficult than before. My relapsing has been following the same kind of pattern for months, usually lasting a couple of weeks, then a brief single relapse (usually a single session of say 15-30 mins). Recently, this hasn't really changed, so I've viewed P just once for 15-20 mins in the last 15 days, but the addiction feels very strong.

    I'm feeling strangely stressed and depressed at the moment, much worse than I have been for anytime in the last 6 months, or probably most of the time before that. I don't know if the whole Covid situation and not getting as much variety of human contact, each weekday being the same, has something to do with it. Feeling less than solid mentally; will try to keep doing the right kind of things and look for improvement...
     
  5. Battlesword1

    Battlesword1 Active Member

    Hey man. Keep on keeping on. Try to isolate your day into chunks and manage each problem one step at a time!
     
  6. GameChanger

    GameChanger Member

    Managed 28 days (4 weeks), before mini-relapse last night. Was just a 3-minute blip when I had had a few drinks, but still counts.

    Resetting the counter to zero; trying not to get to worked up about screwing up last night. The counter reading zero is sad, but it doesn't tell the whole picture. I'm in a better place than I was a month ago. Need to keep trying, and keep in mind the questions: "what represents progress at this point in time?"; "what is the state of mind which I want to achieve?". It's nice to feel happier and more relaxed most of the time. I've had glimpses of that at times, and want to head more in that direction.
     
    Deleted User likes this.
  7. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Resetting the counter is an indication that you don't want to do that again, and if you do that again you will have to reset the counter again. This is a form of accountability. 4 weeks is a great progress. If you can go 4 weeks you can go 8 weeks and beyond. Please keep us updated frequently. There is something powerful when we share our struggle and success with others. Best of luck Man.
     
  8. GameChanger

    GameChanger Member

    Proper relapse yesterday, lots of browsing. This often happens a couple of days after a 'mini-relapse' like the one in the last post.

    Today have M'd to try to release some of the tension (not in the habit of doing that, but seemed better than PMO).

    Want to draw a line until this relapse now and work out how to move forwards again. New baseline starting today, building on progress from before and learning from setbacks. Need to find reasons to be positive.

    P is really an evil mind-f***, it shouldn't be legal. It's not about being artistic and it's not about freedom of expression or anything like that, it just degrades real life and real sex, but so hard to resist and so addictive. Need to build a strong, solid mindset, which says that I'm not going to go there and the reasons why not.

    Being porn-free can be described as a choice, but in reality, it needs to be strong philosophy, linked to life values, in order to work. What are my life values? Why is it worth my while to abstain from porn? What does being free from this mean for me, in terms of what kind of person I want to be, how I want to be, how I want to be able to feel? On the other hand, what does it say about me if I give into repeatedly relapsing to P? What would that say about the kind of person I'm allowing myself to slide into becoming?

    Thanks for the encouragement, RainMan. Best wishes for you in your own journey in fighting this. Keep going and keep trying and keep improving.
     
  9. GameChanger

    GameChanger Member

    Just went 32 days, then relapse this morning

    on the positive side, that's a longer run than I have done recently.. possibly the longest in 2020

    on the other hand, it's shows that P is still one of my go-to methods for handling stress...
     
  10. GameChanger

    GameChanger Member

    Have been relapsing once every two weeks or so recently. My thoughts on this haven't changed. It's not a good thing in my life and I feel it's partly undermining me somehow as a person. I just haven't been able to make the commitment to give it up for good, so far. I'm not sure, but am thinking of perhaps starting a new thread to give this a fresh shot.
     
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  11. GameChanger

    GameChanger Member

    I've just put a porn-blocker on the internet. This is not a complete solution as I need to be able to maintain control of my internet subscription, so I could in theory reverse it. However, what it does do is put porn at arms length which will be a useful tool for me.
     
  12. GameChanger

    GameChanger Member

    Sorry to say another relapse, 20 mins of browsing last night, no PMO. Was 14 days clean.

    I need to do a lot more work on this whole thing. Need to find something else to do when I am tempted to use, something which is stimulating but not destructive.
     
  13. warded

    warded New Member

    I find it remarkable that you are so strict with yourself, seeing that even a little peek counts as a relapse for you.

    Personally, I am not resetting my counter after a little peek, since I at least managed not to indulge completely or even fap. Now I am asking myself though, was that only an excuse? If one wants to quit - he has to quit. In this way you are right. It just shouldn't be another mental burden for you when you have to reset your counter.

    Keep fighting!
     

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