Sorting myself out

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by GameChanger, Apr 16, 2019 at 3:08 AM.

  1. GameChanger

    GameChanger Member

    I've been using porn for nearly ten years now, and have been wanting to quit ever since I started. You can see my previous threads below.

    I suspect that porn usage has been deeply damaging to my mental health, and by extension to other areas of my life including social and financial. I suspect it has been eroding the pillars of my happiness.

    Firstly, there is the usage itself, which dehumanises and alienates the user from the source of love and true pleasure. Secondly, there is the element of shame, which entails secrecy, which makes it harder to break out of the negative cycle. Thirdly, there is the erosion of self-control, reinforced by the dopamine cycle, whereby it becomes harder and harder to break the addiction; the shame becomes greater, the secrecy even more important, and seemingly the only way to relieve the suffering to re-engage with the source of temporary, unfulfilling pleasure.

    Undergoing this, and simultaneously fighting against it and trying to abstain for 9 years (sometimes achieving only a few days of abstinence, sometimes a few months, but until now always falling back), has been terribly wearing on me. Exhausting.

    This continual fight is sapping a lot of energy from my life. A lot. All for nothing. I suspect it is also one of the main causes, if not the cause, of my anxiety. I am good at appearing relaxed in public, reflecting back a more confident, (former?) self but can't fool those closest to me, and so this is wearing on them too. It needs to stop, end. I need to move on.

    For my mental health, for my happiness, for my career and financial well-being. For those people in my life whom I love, especially my wife - in order to be there for them, in order for there to be more of myself left to give to them.

    But I can't win by simply fighting against it although I need to do that too. I need to find more meaning in my life: intellectual and physical pursuits, really pursued fully; love and relationships given the energy they deserve; knowing what I want to get out of my career and working on achieving that. Finding or re-finding a greater meaning and purpose in life, making connections I'm not quite capable of doing at the moment. Being as mentally and physically strong and happy as I can be. As well as for myself, being stronger and happier in order to help others.

    All of that is at stake, now I need to go and find it. Please give me your support and I will give you all of mine.

    2013:
    https://yourbrainrebalanced.com/forum/index.php?threads/grabbing-the-chance-to-quit-porn-now.9255/
    2017:
    https://yourbrainrebalanced.com/forum/index.php?threads/time-for-a-fresh-start.115913/
    2018:
    https://yourbrainrebalanced.com/forum/index.php?threads/reclaiming-life.116441/
     

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