Some Advice please?

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Orpheus5575, Apr 13, 2017.

  1. Orpheus5575

    Orpheus5575 New Member

    Hi guys this is my first time posting. I have been addicted to masturbation for the last 40 years. Like a lot of guys here my problems escalated with the advent of high speed porn. I seemed to have had no problems while MOing to erotic stories and naked girlie images. I discovered internet porn in the 90's and gradually got to a point where i could no longer get an erection for my wife, she tried everything. I was also addicted to blowjobs and that even failed to raise my soldier anymore. Cialis worked great for a while and that stopped working a couple of years ago. And needless to say, Porn videos also failed to get me hard,going from weird stuff to Bestiality, Incest, you name it. Thats roughly where i began to Google for a miraculous fix to soon discover that there wasn't one! But then i discovered this Forum and you guys and suddenly my heart was pounding in my chest...........Hope!!

    I went on Reboot Hard Style 53 days ago. I had absolutely zero problem shutting down the Internet Porn avenue and havent missed it one single day.........which kind of baffles me because i was so badly into it for so long.

    I dont even miss MO maybe because i am so desperate to get my sex life back in some shape or form.

    I think i have been in flatline for e few years,penis shriveled to almost nothing, i have been with a few really sexy ladies over the last few years and not even a flicker....absolutely soul destroying not too mention the shame of it!

    Anyway I am getting on with it,i mean to keep this going for as long as it takes, i have read here of many men who have relapsed and i know how hard that must be to have to start over. So I want to avoid that at all costs.

    Hopefully someone can help with a bit of advice as to how to proceed from here:

    About one week into my Reboot I met a married woman and we met a few times in her car,i figured this was really bad timing but i carried on. We kissed and cuddled the first couple of nights then we had a fantastic evening of cunnilingus etc which she and I enjoyed. My pants stayed firmly closed,and as usual i wasnt even feeling a tremor down there. We still meet and next week we will have another evening where we will have plenty of time to play,if she asks for sex, I will just pass it off without revealing the state I am in.

    I need to know if this affair is a good or bad thing in relation to me gett ing to my ultimate goal i.e being capable of attaining a firm erection and having vaginal sex with a real person.

    I havent had morning wood for decades, but about four weeks into my Reboot i awoke with an erection, wow, I leapt from my bed and danced around the room shouting 'I'm cured, I'm cured' what a glorius feeling that! But of course I wasn't cured and I havent had MW since. I am not being traumatised by the lack of MW or anything because i think in my case i had better be prepared for the long haul.
    Again i would love to hear what people think about this MW phenomenon and where does it leave me.

    I have lots of questions but i need to take it a bit at a time i think. Any help would be so well received and much appreciated.

    Thank you for reading.
  2. Orpheus5575

    Orpheus5575 New Member

    Forgot to mention that i have noticed the last few days that i seem to be enjoying a new found burst of energy, as if i have become activated somehow.

    Also i have noticed a couple of isolated tingly moments in my groin area, very short lived and very infrequent. I am wondering are these feelings of any significance or do they mean
    nothing at all.
  3. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Being with someone who is married, unavailable, is part of the addiction. The likely hood of you getting your mojo back with this woman is unlikely, imo.

    Your 53 days is awesome! Read the journals here, post, and make your focus having a loving relationship with someone who is actually not attached to someone else.
  4. Orpheus5575

    Orpheus5575 New Member

    Thank you Saville for the reply, and while not the answer i was hoping for its great to know where i stand. My wife and I are on different planets this long time and we have not had a sexual encounter for the last couple of years.
    Normally we can still function as a couple but minus the physical side. I think she feels i find her unattractive and that she cant turn me on. She knows that I PMO but she does not know the levels that I had sunk to. Perhaps it would be best to lay my cards on the table and see see if there is a spark that can be re-ignited.

    I am very proud of my 54 days and i honestly feel i can go much longer without fear of relapse. I just wonder do guys who are cruising through the Reboot as I am now, suddenly get hit late-on with craving for the old ways?

    I will read as much as possible here and I will post the odd update or query as I go through my journey. So you think it would be best to cut this woman loose and try to rekindle something at home?
  5. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Read my journal, or as much of it as you can stand. :) I cheated on my wife twice and thought the marriage was over. We didn't have sex for over two years and scarcely at all for 10. We now make love once a week and my pecker works really well, which was not always that case. Yes, cut the other woman loose.

    I would be careful/wary of laying all your cards on the table at this point. We addicts need time to heal and once we do we look very differently at life. Or, rather, life looks differently to us. Burdening your wife with talk of infidelities will only create havoc for you and distance from your wife.

    If you would have asked me one year ago, before finding YBR, if I would be having good sex with the wife and a happy marriage I would have thought you mad.

    Post on other people's journals, as well. It's amazing the understanding that takes place by giving to others.

    Peace, bro'.
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2017
    Londoner likes this.
  6. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    I'm with Saville. Loving connection with your wife is what will help you to heal the most. I would also hold off on spilling the beans. If and when you get fully rebooted, and if you can find a way to rekindle the love you had previous, you can save her (and yourself) the trouble. I've read stories from women of porn addicts on Reboot Nation and it's heat-breaking. I imagine sex outside of your marriage would not be helpful. Have you had a looked into this?
  7. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Oh, yes! I have seen this happen many times. Keep yr left up! And if it happens... remember it will pass (probably quite quickly).

    Good best of luck.
  8. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    I agree with these other guys. Going down that road, any road, with a married woman is just going to set you back. It's your addiction manifesting itself in a different way. You'll see that at some time, maybe not now.
  9. Orpheus5575

    Orpheus5575 New Member

    @ Saville Ya i think you are right too, i will hold back,might do more harm than good. I am knew here so can you tell me where to find your journal i would really like to read it.

    @Billy B. thank you for your input. I will check up on Karessa for sure but unfortunately,at the moment, any kind of intercourse is out for me, i have come to a stage where i dont even have a flicker of life in my penis. its a very scary time,dunno if i will ever be right. If i am in flatline ten i have been here for quite a while. I have a shrunken useless piece of flesh but i wont let it get me down and i will continue on my journey. I have thrown myself into a couple of new interests,and according to an article i read called The Porn Circuit this is very important to create new neural pathways in the brain circuitry while keeping away from PMO.

    @onesea Thank you for replying. And yes i am glad that i am getting this heads up, because i thought for sure that i could try to re-wire with this person and it might well have had the adverse effect.

    I came home today from being out, at around lunchtime,there was a message saying my wife and daughter wouldn't be back for about three hours. In the very recent past I would have rushed to my computer and hooked up for a three hour session of porn,fapping, and edging, holding out for the perfect climax and ejaculation.

    Instead i got home and pulled out the lawnmower and cut the lawn. 58 days into my reboot and i can't believe how far i have come. I am so done with PMO and just lucky i found this place. Thank you guys.
  10. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Please do. It's my understanding that it's all about re-connecting and you don't need an erection to make a start. ;)
  11. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

  12. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Love this!

    I put a link to my journal at the bottom in my signature.
  13. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    Awesome. I never knew mowing a lawn would be so desirable. Good distraction.
  14. Orpheus5575

    Orpheus5575 New Member

    Hi Guys I havent been on for a while, very busy with work and some home refurbishments etc. My Hard Mode run is to about 70 days but while i am finding it a bit too easy i fully expect to get a brutal reminder somewhere along the line. My penis is still shrunk and useless. I have zero libido and no morning wood. No WD. I had a few minor tinglingling sensations in the very early days but since then ...Nada! I have the sinking feeling that this will take a lot more than 90 days. I see some guys on here have gone over a year with any joy.!! I think the longer it goes onjust puts my addiction into perspective, I firmly believe that porn was not my addiction but masturbation was. I was hooked on M for many many years before P became available which would explain why i could walk away from P so easily. If i could cure my ED&DE i would be one happy bunny but my confidence today is very low.
  15. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    70 days is excellent, but yes, the whole 90days malarkey is bunkum. It takes as long as it takes, that's it.

    But! If yr anything like around about average you'll hopefully begin to notice some movement in the south hemisphere before too much longer.

    Stick with it, you'll get there.
  16. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I was definitely addicted to P, but my kryptonite, like yours, was M. I had ED and DE. I M'd until my dick was chafed and sometimes bleeding. It takes a long time for the sensation to return after literally choking the chicken. The death grip deadens a lot of sensation. Good news: the sensation returns and the dick starts to respond normally. You are doing fantastic. Stick with the program, it's the only thing that works. Everyone is different and healing takes place on many fronts. Proud of you bro'!
  17. Orpheus5575

    Orpheus5575 New Member

    You guys are something else,you are so positive and helpful. I always get a lift when i come in here. Last night i was really down and boom! two positive replies that lifted my gloom and got me looking forward again. Thank you so much.

    @Billy B Yes i have kinda conditioned myself to a minimum 120 days assault on my problem. But i think i am prepared to keep going a lot longer if need be. If i get a sign or two from the nether regions anytime soon that would send me me into orbit. I have no desire whatsoever to PMO in any shape or form, i'm probably being helped indirectly by my lack of libido. Oh yes i will deffo stick with it. Thank you Billy.

    @Saville Y'know it's funny this addiction mullarkey, i used to love M and had the most amazing O but towards the end i did not get any enjoyment from any of it. Couldn't get erect for it, couldn't cum. Was as frustrated as hell. I am pretty sure that when (If) cured,theyre can never be a return to MO. It was gutwrenching too, to see my wife so upset when i couldn't cum for her and of course she blamed herself. Really really dark days those.

    I am very lucky in that i never used the death grip or the prone method for M so i didnt actually do any damage to myself physically. But like you Saville, i would be hours doing it and i was often left very red and tender.
    I understand now that everyone in here shares a common denominator but there are a wide variety of different cases,different healing times etc. So i will absolutely be sticking with the program. Thank you for your support.
    Billy B. likes this.
  18. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    Orpheus, I am impressed that you've been able to stay on the straight and narrow path for 70 days. I don't think there is a magical 90-day threshold. Everything on its on time. Keep at it.
    Billy B. likes this.
  19. Orpheus5575

    Orpheus5575 New Member

    Hi Newman ya i think there is no magic number of days either. I see lots of guys in here who have clocked up massive number of days and still no cure. So it will depend on the individual and how bad his case is, in my case it has been gooing on for over 40 years and it was a constant in my life for all those years. I was doing ok, i could have sex with the wife no problem during most of those years. When high speed internet was rolled out,the shit hit the fan. Its' only in the last few years that i have been cursed with ED/DE. But PMO has been part of my life for so long that i am resigned to the fact that getting my mojo back will NOT be a given. But all we can do is fight the good fight and see what happens......72 days in and still fighting.
    Billy B. likes this.
  20. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    72 days is an incredible achievement. And you're right....all one can do is to keep keeping on.
    Billy B. likes this.

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