100 Days!!!!! Ah, it feels super nice. Thank you Luke, MP, and HR for your encouragement and support - I really value it and am enjoying the feeling of celebrating with people a little. The journey doesn't stop now though! It's now a 200 Days Mission, because I love the idea of copy and pasting - not aiming for something bigger than before, or smaller. Just saying I did it once (and feeling pleased for myself), and calmly and logically asking myself to repeat it. So here goes But ahh, 100 days. I've rebooted on and off since 2018, but this is only the second time hitting 100 (longest streak 165 I think). This time my social anxiety has completely disappeared tbh, and I think I've really shifted the nature of my relationship with pornography. Goals for the next 100 days: Be content with my romantic life (however that ends up looking). Introduce MO (just focusing on sensation rather than mental imagery) - maximum of once a week and only until/if I begin having regular sex. This is to help improve my stamina and address performance anxiety. Reduce drug usage. Keep up with workouts 6 days a week (with at least four of those at the gym). Play piano at least four days a week (and take my exam next year). All the best to all of you for the new week, and the new month. It's nearly 2022, how crazy.
Nice! Congrats, man! You finally reached your goal of 100 days, nice to see things are going uphill from here on out. Good luck getting to 300DaysMission Wishing you the best, MindPoison
Day 107 Been super happy for a few days. Work is always a bit boring, but after it I play a couple of hours of piano, then hit the gym, and I'm buzzing by the time I'm home. THESE are the habits that bring me a lot of joy, and no guilt. I'm also still really pleased to be post-100 days ) Romantically, I'm enjoying putting in some very casual effort onto dating sites. Keep meeting people, until I find someone worth carrying on with, but not feeling any pressure or rush. Also I got butterflies from a girl at work today - she's really sweet, and I'm looking forward to making a sincere effort to get to know her haha, and see what happens. It's my work strategy for attracting women, and I think it'll work on her. Long haul. And would also be happy to end up with another cool pretty friend. Had the first weekly MO too. Completely tactile. Will keep going with this.
Thank you, Revolver! Yeah, I suspect you're right about the 'hunting' attraction. Although I can start finding those things with people I meet from dating apps too, just it of course doesn't begin until we begin meeting. I have a date on Saturday actually, and feeling excited for it. And enjoying talking to attractive women at work! Feeling super comfortable in myself. Day 114 I'm crossing off another few things in this period. Mainly, and most importantly, having a bit of a detox from drugs and drinking. For all of November I think, although I will have a couple of drinks on the date on Saturday. But I want a clear head, and sober sleep for an extended period of time MO's are going well so far - I don't obsess over them, or count down the days. And I think it'll still get better because because I won't be doing them while under the influence anymore. So even healthier I think Have SMASHED gym this week (I've added dead-lifts into my routine for the first time), and piano too. And PhD. The holy trinity. Such positive habits, that bring me so many good things (and make me more attractive I'm sure). So very happy about that, and hoping for more of the same. Got a good feeling about November, bring it on.
Thank you so much @HeyRevolver! !! I feel very grateful to be being celebrated, it means a lot. And happy to help in a small way. Day 125 The days are flying by! Still working out, piano-ing, studying, and having a really full social life. My confidence is soaring too, and I love the city I've found myself living in. Lots of things contributing to me feeling a little charismatic again, for the first time in a couple of years. I am SO busy, but also very happy and productive. Maybe only one day a week when I wake up in a shitty mood, compared to 4/5 before (maybe not pre-streak, but certainly around three months ago). I had a really nice date with a girl called M. And then another nice date with her. She's respectful, affectionate, kind, and she makes me feel HOT. We have great chemistry physically and I'm pretty sure we'll start sleeping together soon. She just said she wants to wait a few more dates, so we spend most our time together teasing each other. I'll use some small doses of Cialis when it does happen, until I feel ready to take off my stabilisers. I briefly toyed with the idea of seeing a sex worker (to test out performance anxiety levels atm), and phoned a couple of women. But I decided against it in the end - there's only so much you can know about the women you meet, and if I sit on it for a while it makes me feel gross. Had a really nice weekly MO with a phenomenal erection though, and I'm still waiting to get as hard around M, but when we kiss I feel as though I'm hard enough to penetrate and this is a good start. Also feeling more and more relaxed around her. Hoping for another great week, for all of you too!
Thanks HR! I do forget about the realities of sex work, and the realities of experiencing it. It's been 8 years since the only time I slept with a sex worker, and I occasionally feel myself being drawn back into fetishising it, though I'm glad that passed (and what you've written/linked is helpful too!). Day 132 Day 132! Woop. Getting chunky. Still had a pornography-use dream today, even though I rarely think about it in my waking hours. Elsewhere, I can still feel my confidence growing, and I'm feeling happier and happier (week by week, rather than day by day) and I have that sense that I'm attracting more and more women - which is logical. Anyway, I will mainly write about PIED, MO, and PE today, since that was one of the things I'd like to address in this reboot and I have some updates I'd like to document. I'm pleased because the combination is WORKING. And this is a relief, and a bit of a surprise. I've slept with M a couple of times, having been MO'ing weekly without any visual/imaginary stimulation for three weeks, and by the time we slept together my erections were great (with 5mg of Cialis still) and my PE/sensitivity was much better than it has previously been. So no PIED at the time of writing (with a small dose of medication for now, and for a little bit longer), and no PE (in terms of the anxiety-induced ridiculously fast ejaculations), although stamina still needs some work. And feeling really lucky/grateful to have a partner with whom I can keep on working through these things with (I've mentioned the performance anxiety, although not anything P-related). Also the rewiring can't be underestimated, and I spent a lot of time cuddling/kissing/touching/holding my ex, which also felt really valuable. A lot of acronyms there, but I'm feeling really positive. I'd like to be back at the stage of me when I was 21/22 (after my previous reboot), where I felt I had a really healthy sexuality, and felt like a competent and confident lover. I feel about two thirds of the way back, at the minute Soon I'll pause the weekly MO's too.
HR - thank you! Your support is really helpful, and I'm certainly appreciative of it. Thank you for the time you give me! I always read your replies and feel more proud and motivated and certain than before. Day 139 I got sick last week for a few days, and there was a day lounging about in bed feeling sorry for myself, where I started down the path of slipping up. I searched for some photos of a model, but my filters caught me and then I caught myself. I reset, and then had an MO with a clear head. It wasn't my best day, and I'm keen to avoid a repeat, but I'm pleased enough with how I coped! And things with M - man, I am so surprised. We were intimate again, and it immediately felt like another huge chunk of my PIED/PE/PA had fallen off. It feels like the reboot, rewiring, and a period of abstinence has really laid a good foundation. And now I'm having the joy of being able to work through things (towards a healthy sexuality) in a very relaxed and straightforward way. I compare this to trying to address these issues without a reboot behind me, and the difference is really striking. I don't feel cured, but I feel like I've already found the way to keep myself healthy sexually (I'm still taking 5mg of Cialis before sex, but that's quite a low dose and I'll begin halving my pills again soon too). Confidence is doing good, and will only keep rising once I can get back in the gym tomorrow.
I am shattered, and have no desire to write. But doing good, and about to happily dive into the holiday season. Wishing you all a fantastic end to 2021, and a beautiful, prosperous, optimistic start to 2022.
Day 163 And the streak is over. But all is not lost - this WILL be a one and done. My mental health has gone to shit the past few days (I'm at home and have been no way near busy enough, plus too much drinking), and this was definitely an act of self-sabotage. There were a couple of instances yesterday that were getting closer to breaking the streak, and so today all of my sudden my brain went the whole hog. It was all over in 5 minutes. I should have come straight here yesterday, but also the ambiguity of breaking/not-breaking the streak was only going to end up in one place. And I'm right back here. Back to regular updates, just for myself
Day 2 Wasn't quite a one and done, but since that day I've been back on the horse. I got super anxious, and super bored, and I don't have as many good habits to fall back on while at home. However, I think I've made it through, and beginning to feel better. Plus, I'll be out of my family home and back in my own place in a few more days. Nearly there! And happy new year folks!! I also have a goal to stop drinking for at least the first 6 months of the year.
Day 11 Back on the horse! I met up with M, and we were making out but I wasn't getting super hard. I think I need a bit longer to get over my binge, but also my anxiety too. Hopefully this will happen over the next couple of weeks. Will also take a Cialis before I see her again though
Day 1 Struggling a little bit. But I've managed to block a route-around I had, a way of finding explicit videos and bypassing my filters. Aiming for a week, it's a fresh start.
The 23 days is legit, thank fuck. Weird start to the year. I had a difficult time with some other things, which triggered the relapse, but no excuse for why it lasted so long. Hopefully back on the horse time.
