Softly Softly Catchee Monkey

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by 100DaysMission, Jun 13, 2021.

  1. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    Day 28

    Four weeks in.

    Done well with cravings today, it's all been good.
    Actually got a pretty intense boner in public too, to the extent that I was worried someone would notice.
    I was walking along and half-daydreaming about a girl I've arranged to meet up with in a couple of weeks while I'm visiting my fam back home. She's fun, and completely not girlfriend material but we've always had a spark and lots of tension.
    (Definitely not in my head this time either! She used to tell all her friends we were dating)
    I never let anything happen because I was trying to get in with her mate. But I'm more relaxed now and will try and chat her up if she's single. Something physical with someone I'm comfortable with feels really appealing.

    Been speaking to E too still, and trying to find our level in terms of what kind of friendship this is going to be.
    I still get the heartbreak pangs, but she could still become a good mate, and I'm pretty against kicking people out of my life. Even though I may decide to keep some distance between us.

    Hope you're all having hopeful weekends,
    A
     
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  2. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    Day 29 TRIGGER WARNING: Masturbation and Social Media

    Still stressed, but I have something nice to write about too, so I'll go for that :)

    For this reboot, I'm avoiding anything I find arousing online.
    So of course pornography, but also models' social media accounts, and friends'/exes public profiles. I'm not even looking at them.

    Whereas before, I'm ashamed to admit it, but for me, probably the most stimulating material on the internet is one of my old flame's social media profiles and the pictures she has there.
    I still love her and I'm very attracted to her, but I've come to love her as a friend, too. We speak fairly regularly, and we've been great supports to each other. We also both really give a damn about each other, and are quite good at expressing that.
    So I felt genuinely conflicted, to value her friendship, but also MO while looking at her photos.
    (Although of course, the guilt was probably also addictive)

    Anyway, I'm pleased to say that over the past month I've only checked her page once (and I logged off straight away without opening any photos), and it's probably been a couple of months since I MO'd.
    And pleasingly, I feel way less guilty about our friendship, and in turn we're getting closer. It's really nice that our friendship feels as though it's moving to a new level, and that the reboot has helped contribute to that already. And today I was able to speak my mind to her about E, and all that's been going on. And it felt so helpful.

    So I still feel guilty about what I've done, but the reboot is helping me forgive myself, and to break that habit. And good things are coming from that.

    There's definitely things worth holding on to, but tomorrow I'll probably be back to being moody and miserable on here again haha.
    Got a while to run still, I think.

    All the best for the new week brothers...
     
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  3. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    Day 30

    and a third of the way through!
    I think I've typically found the final third the hardest before, but I'll keep on my toes.
    Won't write much today, mega tired from the football.
    It would have been nice to win, but I'm not massively bothered that we lost, so feeling chill about things.

    And each day brings me a day further from the headfuck that was last week, lol.
    Hope you've all had nice starts,
    A
     
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  4. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    Day 31

    And another day.

    Tomorrow I get to chill, and potter around, and cook some nice food, and have a long morning in bed. It's been a while coming.
    Also need to shave my ass haha
    and my beard

    V ready for it!

    Hope your weeks are going well :)
     
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  5. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    Day 32

    Had a lovely day today so far.
    Made a beautiful brunch, and had a a perfectly-timed nap too. I have so little on my to-do list today for the first time in a long time, feels nice.
    And I've been having little day dreams about all the girls from home I'll get to see when I go back to visit next week, too.

    Actually came closer to relapsing than I have at any other time on this reboot, but it was still a long way off.
    I was just watching some YouTube videos that had some mildly-erotic written material, and I started to see a slippery slope ahead of me. But I just packed it in once I became conscious of this.
    The temptation was definitely there though, and I visualised PMO'ing for the first time this attempt.
    Will keep my guard up.

    I redownloaded Tinder too.
    I feel up for a rebound/something casual and fun, so we'll see what happens. But I'm putting no pressure on myself (and I haven't been using the app much really) so I'm feeling okay about it and pretty sure my intentions are good atm. Though I'll keep a tab on my habits, and make sure it doesn't begin to feel like a substitute for P.

    Hope your weeks are going well.
     
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  6. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    Day 33

    SO NEARLY FINISHED WITH THIS JOB

    Next Wednesday is my last day, I can't wait

    There's leaving drinks for a few of us who are moving on, but I think I'll duck out, I've got a house viewing in my new city to get to (approx 2 hours away).
    So my brain is very much gearing up to leave, and dive into a new life.

    The reboot is going fine - speaking to some girls on Tinder and we'll see what happens.
    I'm going to take some new photos though, it definitely feels like I'm getting less attractive matches than before, so I'll freshen up my profile.

    Hope you're all good, and getting some sun wherever you are,
    A
     
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  7. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    Day 34 and 35 TRIGGER WARNING: DRUG USE AND PMO

    Been all right, the sun's back which is great!
    And everything else has been much the same.

    But the old flame I was reconnecting with has been going even better, and I'll probs get to see her again pretty soon.
    I've got no expectations for anything romantic to happen, but I'm buzzing to hang by her side again.

    And I'm feeling more and more chill about the E situation (mainly because it's getting closer and closer to me moving away).
    We're still chatting heaps (and part of me feels like since I told her I loved her she's trying to pull me a little closer), and I actually got a pretty intense erection while we were messaging.

    I might relapse tonight though...
    I saw some friends last night, and one of them gave me a little nugget of weed that I'll smoke some of tonight.
    I don't buy it any more, and I don't smoke and drink, but I still enjoy having a joint very occasionally.
    And damn, I'll never forget how amazing the O's are - easily the best of my life, and especially after some abstinence.
    So I'm not going to seek it out, but if I get super horny I'll probably relent, and it'll probably be worth it.
    BUT, I won't do it sober, and I'm going to hold myself to that really hard.
    I'm chill with the idea of PMO'ing whenever I'm high, because I know how infrequently I let these moments come by, and I know how much control I have over my drug habits. For me, this reboot was about breaking my sober habits.
    (Even though it sounds like a slippery slope, and I can understand scepticism).

    We will see though, maybe I'll just want to eat lots of junk food, and giggle at cartoons in all the cliched ways.

    Happy weekends, folks
     
  8. ZuKagasio1

    ZuKagasio1 Member

    How you doing now man?
     
  9. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    SO

    Day 11

    I PMO'd while I was high.
    I think four times in total.

    And I wanted to wait a little bit before coming back here, but also I had a trip back home (which was great).

    I'm less stressed out about the E situation, although we're going away for a weekend together which is a bit of a headfuck.
    I'm doing it as a favour, but once that's passed hopefully I'll be able to keep my distance a little easier, which I'm looking forward to.

    Also, while I was at home, I reconnected with an old crush.
    We last saw each other a couple of years ago, and we've kept in touch since - both making an equal amount of effort.
    Then we went for coffee, and a little walk through the nice countryside where we live, and man - I had the best time. I was on form, we were giggling, and chatting so comfortably, and sharing, and just enjoying each other's presence.
    I came back home, and laid on my bed in ecstasy for a few hours. Something I've never felt before.
    I've had good dates - many of them, but this was on another level.
    We're going to be apart for another few months again, but we'll stay in touch like before, and we're also both seemingly riding a bit of a wave of telling each other how much we appreciate one another.

    It was b e a u t i f u l.
    And I feel like we've cemented each other in our respective lives for another few years, and this is the nicest feeling I can imagine.
    I wish I could bottle up this feeling (that I still have three days later), and I wish I could bottle up this version of me that she's able to tap into.
    BUT, having felt these things so recently, gives me so much more cause for hope, that there is this side of me waiting to burst out, and bring with it another shot of the delirium I experienced for the first time.

    Anyway,
    I'm going to post here a little less, until I hit where I was before. 35 days I think.
    In the mean time, I'll be taking some down time. I move to my new city in a month, so I'm going to relax while also getting back into a good diet and a productive exercise routine.
    I have a new set of photos to use for Tinder when I move too, so very much lining up my ducks over the next few weeks.
     

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