Softly Softly Catchee Monkey

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by 200DaysMission, Jun 13, 2021.

  1. deadofwinter

    deadofwinter Active Member

    Yes dude! Amazing. I'm happy you realize that even though you're here on this website "again", you made so much progress which you should be proud of!

    Exciting. I'm gonna check your journal like I check the news ;)

    Omg 100% same. Love that you want to challenge yourself there! Somehow I am the absolute worst at picking up any signals, or when I pick the signals up I want to get out of the situation before "it gets awkward", such a stupid way to live a life. In my case it's really tied to having a bad self image and believing that the person in front of me would rather not talk to me or be with me (even when they initiated the conversation, or came to my house at 12 in the evening (that's a story for another day on my own journal!)).

    Anyway. Glad you are healthy and back to write more stuff! You were always such a big help and I hope I can return the favor.
  2. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Day 17 and 18

    The low mood was just a blip, yay!
    I feel more rebalanced again (omg he said the thing).

    Work has been lame, but I'm nearly finished with this job (just three more weeks) so that is not a problem.
    And the rest of my life: damn. It's been good lately.

    I had the best night out last night - I think half of the country did really. I think I actually made friends in the old natural way that I haven't been able to do very often for the past 18 months.
    Although I took this guy's number, and when I texted him this morning I realised the number I'd written for him was too long to be a phone number (4 extra digits lol). I was pretty drunk. But we have a mutual friend so I will ask him to put us in touch probs.
    Ah so much fun.

    Then today I helped E move into her new house (much closer to meeeee). I was super hungover, but as helpful as I could be and she was appreciative.
    I'm liking her more and more, and I still wanna take things slow (honestly) so there's no need to put her on the spot, but I'm getting good vibes back. Little things like the number of 'x's used to finish a text going up and up. And talking more and more, and her sending cute little videos.
    Even as I write this, I feel pretty sure that she's becoming more and more invested.
    I feel really relaxed with it all, and relaxed about where this is going.

    PMO wise, I came to write here a little earlier than usual because I am hungover and this has always been a big trigger for me. And I'm not going to PMO but writing that gives me an extra layer of protection too.
    Locking it in, kinda.
    Babylonier likes this.
  3. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    HE'S HERE!!
    Ah hello hello hello
    This made me smile and gave me a boost too.
    Thank you, Dow

    The challenge is a bit on pause because of E, or maybe I am just making excuses haha.
    But doing the same thing with friendships will be a good thing (and good practice for the future too).

    Excited to hear the story! It sounds ridiculous, lol.
    Your overthinking levels are impressive, and it must be frustrating. (But they make the special art, too, so swings and roundabouts)
    Babylonier likes this.
  4. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Day 19

    It's been a good day.
    Work was lame again, but it's another day closer to leaving so even that feels nice.
    I'm about to go and play football with some friends I made on my night out. This feels amazing, and I am very excited even though I'm super tired.
    It's been a long time since I've been in this situation, and been invited to something like this, which has been hard because I've been living in a completely new place for the past 18 months (great timing with Covid, haha).
    But it makes me really happy. There's a chance this might even become a weekly thing.
    I hope my football skills are up to it lol, we'll see.

    20 days tomorrow! Woop woop, it's the sound of the no-P
  5. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Day 20

    The football was good last night!
    Felt so nice to sprint (rather than just jog), and be competitive, and have to think fast.
    Even though I was the worst player on the pitch, I did better than I thought because I haven't played properly for years. And I'll get back up to speed quickly.
    Also was surprisingly not too unfit!

    Bring on the weekend, and the England game!!

    Have not been thinking about PMO much at all, and the RBs (random boners lol) have come back again. They're fun, and they make me feel like a teenager again haha.
    But I'm pleased to be at Day 20, and a day short of three weeks.

    Hope you all have that Friday feeling,
    MindPoison and Deleted User like this.
  6. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Day 21

    Nice to make it to three weeks, but damn I had such a distressing/disturbing morning at work today (a different job to my weekday work).

    Anyway, I was pretty bummed out, so I did some retail therapy and had an unhealthy lunch. Will probably take a nap, too.
    I needed a pick-me-up, and it's better than PMO'ing for sure.
    I'll clean the house too though, to balance it out (and it'll be nice to tidy up as a way of tidying up my head a bit).

  7. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Day 22

    Way happier today, had the same job and it went a lot smoother.

    Although P cravings have been pretty high! I'll keep on my toes. I'm expecting these next couple of weeks to become a lot harder, and weekends even more so.
    Hopefully I'll see E soon, as that'll help keep me focused, and we're trying to make plans for Tuesday so fingers crossed.

    For example, yesterday I looked at a model's instagram page. It browsed it for less than a minute, and it wasn't anything explicit, but still - I need to be wary.
    So I'm writing that here, for some accountability, but also to forgive myself and draw a line under it, since yesterday was a pretty horrific day and I am feeling fairly exhausted at the minute.

    A new week tomorrow though! It's going to be hectic (again), but hopefully nice, and definitely disciplined. 22 days is such a good platform!

    Peace, brothers.
    MindPoison and Babylonier like this.
  8. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Day 23

    Job interview tomorrow, and I'm pretty anxious.
    Not a lot to add because I am exhausted too, hopefully I'll be thoroughly burnt out by the time I go to bed, and I'll sleep like a log.
    E wants me to come over after for a party at her house, but I'll think about things like that after the interview.

    Hope you all had good Mondays!
  9. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    Its good reading you!!! Im new and want to have friends to heal rhis in my 4th day...hard, but first time triying
    Babylonier and 200DaysMission like this.
  10. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Day 24 and 25

    Well, yesterday and today have been really hard.
    It's not my story to tell, but me and E are not a thing. She told me last night at a party.
    She's been through a lot (it's a sad situation, and I got sent home from work today because I couldn't stop crying about it), but she's also messed me around and has been really dishonest, even if she has some semi-valid justifications. Like, I can recognise she's been in an awful place, but at the same time I don't deserve to be treated this way.

    She still wants to be friends, and I'm heading over to hers soon because she wants to chat again in person.
    But that feeling of hopefulness, and that feeling of trusting someone unconditionally, and that feeling of falling for someone, has all gone poof. (Again, as we were together for a bit a year ago, too)
    And in its place, all the worse feelings have moved in, and I couldn't sleep at all last night. I'm normally quite anxious, but these past 24 hours the anxiety went through the ceiling and into a place where I feel pretty broken.

    I'll feel better with a few days, and I'll bounce back because I've been through worse and I'll go through worse in the future, I'm sure.
    But for now, I'm in a shit place.
    SO the only thing I'm holding on to, or the only standard I'm holding myself up to, is not to use these emotions as an excuse to PMO, or P.
    I've come this far, and I'm in a bit of a hole through no fault of my own, but I owe it to myself to keep on fighting to become better. And I know I'll just be more miserable if I take the other route.

    Here we go.
    Deleted User likes this.
  11. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    Yes, if you are sad you think that the way is PMO, so stay alert, bye
    200DaysMission likes this.
  12. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Hang on, man. Hard times pass. Rooting for you.
    200DaysMission likes this.
  13. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Thank you guys.

    Day 26

    I'm still pretty gobsmacked.
    My head is pounding though, and I feel pretty numb.
    At the minute I still think she's a great girl, and I want to stay close, though if we stay friends it'll have to be on a level that I feel comfortable with.
    But we'll see. My friends are all less forgiving of what's happened.

    I went round to hers to chat a bit more yesterday and it was helpful.
    She told me she still had feelings for me, and was attracted to me, which was nice to hear because I felt less like a complete delusional idiot for thinking something romantic was possible/happening.

    Anyway, I'm still in pain.
    Though I've steered clear of the PMO, and my counter is clean.
    I appreciate your support! Think I'll be cool till the weekend at least, in terms of PMO.
  14. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    Aw man, that's really bad, it's pretty hard when you're so hopeful that things are gonna turn out like how you dreamed, but then somehow it all crashes apart. I don't know what it is that she said or what kind of past she has, but keep in mind that you deserve to be treated with respect, so her past is no excuse to treat you badly if you did nothing wrong.

    The pain might tempt you to watch porn, so be extra careful.
  15. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Thank you brother, I appreciate it a lot.
    The reminders not to PMO, especially.

    That's something I can control, and the encouragement/empathy really helps.
  16. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    That happens to me!!! When i have an arg with my wife y allways think PMO very hard like punishing her...but really im punishing myself...its a bad be care!
    200DaysMission likes this.
  17. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Day 27

    Still feeling pretty low, and getting those pangs of heartbreak/hurt/humiliation.
    But no increase in urges to PMO yet, although as I say - the weekend is much more likely for me.
    HOWEVER, there is the small matter of a HUGE football match on Sunday to look forward to and keep me distracted.

    I also got accepted for a new job today - one which will I'll for sure enjoy more.
    It means moving to a new city in a couple of months (before I finish the reboot), which is exciting but also scary.
    I feel a bit like a failure here, but that might mainly be the last few days talking.
    Either way, with another fresh start in a new place, I HAVE to be more proactive in terms of girls/friendships/everything and this journal will be a big motivation and a big help.
    So my goal is very much to arrive into September with the reboot still on track.
    Taking it day by day...
    Deleted User and Sebs like this.
  18. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    Great news!!!! Hope youre doing excellent in your new job keep on!!!
    200DaysMission likes this.
  19. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Sounds good, man! Congratulations for your new job, it’s really nice.

    As you said, being proactive is what will make your life more interesting. When we leave our comfort zone and do new things, it completely changes the game for us, we start having more energy, more motivation, more fun. Things that used to bother us lose importance, we move on to something else more quickly when something bad happens, etc. I’d go as far as saying that doing that - bringing change into our lives - is part of the process of rebooting. Rebooting is the best occasion I’ve ever had to improve myself and my life.

    When you start believing in yourself, when you realize you can actually change and improve your life, when you set yourself meaningful and stimulating goals and start working to reach these goals, amazing things can happen. I started rebooting mainly because I wanted to cure my ED, and even if I’m not exactly where I’d like to be yet in terms of libido, other things in my life have improved drastically. That happened to thousands of rebooters as well. It will happen to you too, man.

    Keep doing what’s good for you, try doing things you’ve never done before, start new projects, and meet people. Wonderful things await you, man.
  20. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Thanks Bilbs, this is mega helpful, and really damn inspiring to read!
    It's great that guys on this forum such as yourself, who've got a lot of experience (and success!) are being so supportive. I'm sure there's a lot of people very appreciative of you dude, as I am.

    I'm going to try super hard to hold myself to these things.
    It normally takes me ages to settle into new places (I've moved around a fair bit), but I'm 26 now and I've just got to grab the bull by the horns I think, and see what follows. I'm sure it'll be good, exciting, and all the right kinds of addictive, like you say.
    Deleted User likes this.

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