Social Recluse needs help/advice to start over his social life

Discussion in 'Social Advice' started by Newbegining, Jan 5, 2014.

  1. Newbegining

    Newbegining New Member

  2. RunDroogieRun

    RunDroogieRun New Member

    You really can't figure this out for yourself? It's your life, do whatever you want to do . But definitely stop looking at porn for a while, and shit will get a bit easier.
     
  3. Brunevii

    Brunevii Something I try to teach all my boys..

    You need to be brave, that is, meet new people even though you're afraid. There's no other way of getting beyond your fear.


    Stay away from these guys.

    You gotta avoid situations where you're a third wheel, as in, say, if you're with a guy who's with his girl or stuff like that.

    Other thing would be doing something with a group of guys. Even though you might feel like a third wheel initially, it's not a bad idea to be with them and talk and do stuff just so you'd get more used to other people.

    With the drink - if you have bad experiences, don't drink too much.

    As in, not even talking to your family? What about school/workplace, whatever?
     
  4. ChrisHaven

    ChrisHaven Member

    Newbegining,

    If you really want to build relationships with people, you should first quit PMO and secondly focus on destroying your social anxiety. In understand you had events in your past that cause you to develop extreme social anxiety, but you cannot let that rule your life.

    Trust me, as a guy who went through sever social anxiety as a teen, quitting PMO really is the first step. For social anxiety, you can slowly overcome it by using "exposure therapy" (look it up) or may have to get professional help.
     
  5. Brunevii

    Brunevii Something I try to teach all my boys..

    You can socialize with older people too. It's always interesting to hear someone's story.


    When you have time, perhaps write something about that.
     
  6. Brunevii

    Brunevii Something I try to teach all my boys..

    Fuck.

    It's a damned good in the EU ritalin is very, very rarely prescribed.
     
  7. Brunevii

    Brunevii Something I try to teach all my boys..

    Weed is natural and it fucks with dopamine levels in the long term. Raw poppy juice is an opiate - fucks with your brain too.

    Yeah, it's a vicious cycle. But the only way to break it is to not take stimulants and give the brain time to fix itself.
    I don't think there's any evidence they really shorten life, but they certainly can fuck with one's brain.
     
  8. RunDroogieRun

    RunDroogieRun New Member

    Weed has always worked pretty well for me, but that goes for most drugs.
     
  9. hogus

    hogus Active Member

    Exposure therapy does work. The more social situations you are put in, the less anxiety you will have. However it doesn't always work with extreme anxiety/if you are depressed, in which case some drugs could give you the kick you need. It all depends on how well you can control yourself.
     
  10. ChrisHaven

    ChrisHaven Member

    If you have an opportunity to socialize, by all means, take it. You yourself said you have PMO for 13 years and you're rather certain that it contributed to your problems. Focus on quitting PMO-it does have its benefits that will help you such, as increased productivity, more self confidence, and less social anxiety.

    Exposure therapy will not work if you don't go outside, friend. Its called "Exposure" for a reason.

    Here a neat little video on a how a guy beat his social anxiety:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2iGk87bug2s&feature=c4-overview&list=UUFns-k9UgOhVRnKHdynzU2A
     
  11. fuzzywuzzywasabass

    fuzzywuzzywasabass New Member

    I just found this forum today and I was reading through boards but this particular thread made me want to speak up, and since I'm a newbie correct me if I'm wrong.

    Dude(s) I hate to say it but you need some tough loving. All I see around here is pity, pain and nervous smiles of encouragement. 15 replies for this topic and not one of you mentioned getting a f*ing hobby. Learn guitar, build a train set, grow a garden, start exercising. You can literally start doing anything and will be able to start a conversation. Hell, we are all pmo addicts and here we are talking about THAT.

    You say you failed out of school? Get your GED and go to community college. There are tons people there to befriend., who are in a similar place as you. I failed out of school and there are tons more who will be there to help keep you focused. There are many clubs to meet people with similar interests, gamers, sports, cars whatever there will be something for you. You are FAR from alone.

    Even if you don't go to school, you can go to a coffee shop and at least ask the cashier about the coffee you're drinking. Its all baby steps. You're not going to be social butterfly right away. Try and setup a little plan for yourself. Talk to 3 new people every week and within a year if you keep up with it you will have met over 150 new people. There's also a website called meetup.com. There are thousands of groups on that site that meetup regularly. Pick a group, any group.

    BUT FIRST AND FOREMOST stop feeling so helpless and sorry for yourself. You say you don't want to fail but not actually anything is the most surefire and worst way to fail. Unless you actually swing your bat you're not going to get on base or score, you'll only strikeout. Swing for the stands, be goofy. Awkwardness is what separates and makes us ourselves.

    Second, get a haircut and talk to your barber. You will look and feel better. Seeing yourself get a haircut can be very powerful transformation. You are literally watching yourself physically change. You'll say bye to the person you are so disgusted of looking at in the mirror and embrace the new you. Plus, Your barber sees hundreds of people a week. He knows how to have a conversation. Do a yelp search and find a barber similar to your age. Just say you are new to the social scene, which you are, and ask where you can meet some cool new people.

    Third, go outside and get off the forum. Don't use this forum as your only tool. This is only supplemental. There answers to your pmo and social anxiety that exist beyond the realms of the internet. Go out with your brother. You already have a way to get out and socialize. Why do you refuse? If you've never failed you will never know what success even looks like. Unless you know what your failing at you will NEVER know what to change.

    Now stop reading this go outside and get hurt, get some bruises. It will only make you stronger, I promise.
     
    BlackAngel90 likes this.
  12. stretcher

    stretcher New Member

    Well, it sounds like there's nothing left for you to do but curl up in bed and never leave it. Good luck.
     
  13. BlackAngel90

    BlackAngel90 New Member


    Thank you for the Meetup.com suggestion. I've been trying to find a way to look up groups and clubs to join so I can spruce up on my social skills. This websites been under my nose the whole time and its a damn good tool to go about breaking back into social life.
     

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