I'd like to start off by saying that i have never posted a single thing on the internet and writing anything about myself is extremely difficult. I'd also like to say that I have started to read many of the other journals and have found a lot of the people here to be extremely helpful so I've decided to give it a try. I never really considered my P viewing to be an addiction and to tell you the truth I never even gave it a second thought. It was just something I did on a just about daily basis and something I considered to be harmless enjoyment. That all changed for me last night and I have been slowly processing over the last few hours what my habit has done to me and my life. I've been single for pretty much my entire life. Of course I've had a few girlfriends here and there and a few one night stands but for the most part I've been single and I thought that was the way I preferred it. But it seems I was wrong. I met someone at work a few months ago and we've been slowly getting to know each other and became really good friends. Over the last two weeks or so we've decided that we both want to be way more than friends (seems she decided this much earlier and I'm a slow learner) and have had a few dates and things could not have gone better. That is until last night happened and my unknown and unwanted byproduct from P viewing reared it's ugly and limp head. (It actually happened over the summer as well during a liquor induced one night stand but I didn't give it a second thought at the time) Needless to say I was horrified and at a loss for words to this beautiful woman who I care about very much. To her credit she couldn't have handled the situation any better and was completely understanding and wonderful. We spent the night together even though I was completely bewildered and most likely unpleasant to be around and even spent a majority of today laughing and enjoying each others company. But the instant she left I jumped on the internet and low and behold was perfectly capable of performing with myself and some images and videos on a screen. That's when I started my searches. First for Viagara and such, you know quick fixes, and then I began to put two and two together and stumbled onto this site and a coupe of others. So now I'm here because the more and more I read, the more I realize that this is a serious problem and one that will not go away overnight or with some little pill. In other words it appears I'm at the beginning of a long and difficult journey that I never knew I had to take. And if I'm going to be honest, one that I'm not so sure I can complete. I'm hoping that writing this out is a good first step and that the people here can help to light a path for me to follow for any future steps that I need to take in order to complete this journey. I've read that it's important to have goals when beginning and not just the goal of quitting P but the goal of life and what you want to get out of it. I haven't quite figured that part out yet, but I know I want her to be part of it and that brings me to my next task(question). How do I tell her? It has been extremely difficult just to type this for people I will never see, I can't even imagine telling someone face to face. I know you can't really answer that question for me and that I just have to tell her, but I AM SCARED TO DEATH! There is only so many times I can chalk up my inability to perform with a shrug and angry comments. Sooner or later she is going to want answers or she's just going to leave me. Both seem terrifying to me, but one of those options at least has a chance to continue the relationship so I guess in reality it's gotta be the right one. It may not work out the way I want it to, but then again it might and at least that's something. Like I said before, I think writing this out is a good first step for me and that's why I did this, but I am not against any comments or questions or advice so feel free. I plan on writing every day to keep you and myself updated on my progress. So tomorrow starts day 1. Thanks for your time
Welcome. You can overcome this issue and persevere. I feel for you in this tough woman situation. I've been there. My avoidance of intimacy and sex has been in part a response to PMOing, or like a chicken/egg thing. If you really care for this woman my advice would be to talk with her as much as you can, so she'll hopefully be patient and help too. It's probably unlikely you'd tell her everything but the more she can sympathize and understand, the less harsh the situation might seem to her, and maybe it could even help you be closer. Good luck!
