Day 17. Every day that passes I feel more strongly that I’m on the brink of something massive. I really don’t know what it is exactly, I mean I have my goals and aspirations but I just feel like a big surprise is around the corner. Just a weird gut feeling. Yesterday was fucking awesome. Nothing unusual even happened but i was just beaming with joy all night. I finished up “No More Mr. Nice Guy” and saw that I had a new credit on Audible to download a new audiobook. I chose “The Power of Now” by Eckart Tolle and wasn’t sure if I made the right choice. With so many books available it’s hard sometimes to pick the right one when you only have 1 credit at a time, but 5 minutes into it I knew I made the right choice. This book is absolutely groundbreaking and I can see why it gets so much praise. He talks about thought, and how it is a tool to be used only when appropriate, but that so many of us become the tool and become addicted to thinking which brings us misery and confusion. I’ve been practicing mindfulness for about a year and a half though I haven’t been taking it as seriously as I wish I would have. The way Tolle lays it out so simply makes the human condition so easy to grasp and understand. He talks about the pain body and how it lashes out and attacks when triggered and that so many people identify with it and become it which feeds and empowers it. Makes it stronger. When triggered, the pain body just attacks, most of the time attacking the host. It’s the essence of self sabotage. I’ve seen this play out in my life many times, though I was unconscious to it. This is where my tendency to self pity and fish for validation came from. I had these experiences of rejection and ostracization during my school years and identified with the energy that those experiences promoted within me. I became that insecure self pitying pathetic person and unconsciously identified with it even though it consistently drove people away from me. I think I’m gonna read this book like 20 more times just so I can understand it better. It’s that powerful. Anyway, the nut hold is going well. I keep dreaming about relapsing though, no wet dreams yet but when I’m sleeping I keep imagining myself nutting to porn and sitting there like “shit, day 0. wtf how did this happen” then I wake up and I’m like fuck yeah day 17 . So excited to get to a month, I’m so close. Be well everyone.