Day 4 of my SR streak. So far so good, there were a few times in the past few days that I got a little ravenous and caught myself playing with my dong but every time a porn scene starts up in my mind i swat that shit away. I’ve been kinda half assedly trying to improve myself for the past 2 years, tried a nofap a couple times one of which lasted about a month but the day i relapsed i just fucking binged out and fell off my horse for a while. Its just so rough not being able to rub one out when you live a life where the only kind of intimacy available is digital intimacy. I knew that addiction to digital intimacy was a factor in my lack of actual intimacy, but i thought the main culprit was my genes and my upbringing for so many years. I recently started reading the articles linked on this site about concepts like supernormal stimuli, hypofrontality, ect and it really clicked. When i was beating my meat 2 times a day i was using up all of my creative energy and thats why i felt so offbeat, so demotivated, so negative. Like there was something missing. Even when i was trying to put a positive frame on everything, love myself unconditionally and all of that, i found that no matter what i hated myself in the background. And when i would fuck up, embarrass myself, turn somebody off, fall flat on my face, that would reinforce it. But now i realize that there WAS something missing! That primal drive! That biological urge to create and survive! That power that i was flushing down the toilet every fucking day of my life since i was a preteen. It all makes sense now. I CAN be smart, creative, self loving and accepting! All i need to do is not indulge myself in these unnaturally stimulating activities. As long as i abstain from porn, the fog that i have been lost in for as long as i can remember will clear. The rewiring is happening as im typing this. Im so excited to see what my life will look like in 5 years. Im committed to riding this out for as long as it takes, no matter the difficulty. I will try to update every day of my journey from now on. Thanks for reading this, whoever you are, and best of luck to ya! Feel free to message my lonely ass, i need friends lmao.