Slowly Getting Older

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by 200DaysMission, Apr 10, 2016.

  1. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Feeling low still, and kind of lonely. It's summer vacation at university but I'm still in town - I don't think I said a word to any person yesterday. The flip side is that my university work is going great, which is useful because I have a deadline coming up and I was really far behind at one stage.
    Trying to be positive about things. My internet filter has definitely stopped me PMO'ing a couple of times already, so that's nice.
    I just want to be buzzing around like I was a couple of months ago. It'll come back again.

    I pin a lot of hope on girls, and I'm not sure how to feel about this. Like, I don't need to be with anyone, or be validated in any way. But just to carry an image of a girl in your heart all day (metaphorically) is a beautiful thing. It puts a spring in my step, and it motivates me no end.
    At the minute there is nothing going on, and I still like F.

    I tried Tinder and I don't know what has happened but it is shit lately. Maybe people don't use it over summer, but my profile is exactly the same and I've barely spoken to anyone.
    I just want to meet a girl who excites me, either online or in real life.

    Bit of a mopey post.
  2. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about the break up. Even if you don't want to ask out women in person yet, it's always worth keeping any women you meet in mind as potential suitors.
  3. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Thanks Londoner, I appreciate the kind words. Hope things are as well as they can be with you.

    Yes, I will bear that in mind. Not a lot happening socially at the minute which seems to be the biggest challenge. But I know that I'm the sort of person who withdraws even more if they feel lonely. So maybe I have to force myself into things a little bit.
    cjm likes this.
  4. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    Hey man. Got a book recommendation for you - the rational male. You might hate it but it'll give you food for thought...

    Do you work out? That always helps me out. Chin up geezer :) :)
    200DaysMission likes this.
  5. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Thanks for dropping by! I've never read a self-help book I don't think (I love fiction and I find it hard to drag myself away from it!). But I'll have a look at some reviews and an overview - much appreciated.

    I do work out, I'm normally very disciplined, though I've been neglecting it these past two weeks. I should get back on that. But I'm not being too hard on myself because I'm studying 10/11 hours a day.

    Hope you have a good day!
  6. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    Wow that's a very commendable!! Well that book has changed my outlook on female/male dynamics forever although it may not be for everyone. I do love fiction too though :) hope you get back on an up soon mate!
    200DaysMission likes this.
  7. deadofwinter

    deadofwinter Active Member

    I'm noticing this too!

    Anyway, I hope you're doing okay. good luck with the studying!
  8. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Thank you! I hope your music and gaming things are going well - I'm looking forward to seeing more things you create!

    Also, yes, I'm done with Tinder now.
    All about Bumble, (thanks cjm), I think you will prefer it too DoW:)
    cjm likes this.
  9. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    yeah its good innit! I really thought tinder/online dating was crap, but bumble! well, so far its looking very positive indeed!
  10. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Had a bit of a holiday, a family thing, and it was nice if uneventful.

    Back to studying madly for my final deadline.
    Not taking much interest in online dating, though still intrigued by Bumble. I think my housemate is hitting on me too, but she's really not my type.

    I still think about F a lot, though I think we're planning to meet for coffee soon, and that'll be good. I'm comfortable with the idea of not being together, but I'd like to be friends, and she would too (or that's what she has said recently). I do still think she's seriously fit though, and I keep remembering how awesome her body was and some of the things we did together.
    But I'm looking forward to spending some time with her, and getting to find out where her head is at a little bit more.

    That bubble of potential girls is just building up around me again. Even if its exaggerated by ego, I think it's a nice little boost and helpful.
    It also keeps me off porn. It's nice to be back up to 20 days, but I'm not out of the woods yet.
    cjm likes this.
  11. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    PMO'd today a couple of times. Annoying, but I've been ill and it's one of my triggers.

    Determined to make this a one-off though, especially as I think I'll have some dates coming up soon.

    Onwards and upwards though. I've started exercising again which is a nice feeling:)
  12. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Welcome Raskolnikov!

    Thanks for your kind message. I wish you all the best too, and I'll pop by to give you some encouragement too if you have a journal - we're all in this together!
    I think it's a blip too, I am in a much better position with regards to PMO than I was when I came here, and subsequently in a much better position in a lot of areas of my life too.
    I'm sure the same is in store for you!

    I'm trying to gee myself up to ask out a girl face to face over the next couple of days. It's something I've never ever done but I think it'd be good to push myself. I don't find it too difficult to get dates using online dating, but I think the whole process is kinda whack.
    Wish me luck guys!
    cjm likes this.
  13. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    Good luck! What at first seems scary can quickly become "normalized" with practise :)
  14. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Thanks guys. I went for it!

    I didn't quite say 'Hey do you wanna go on a date?' like an American would, but I asked if she wanted to spend some time together.
    Up to now, we've just been swapping books, and sharing jokes for the three months we've shared a house. We're both quite reserved and I haven't been able to tell for certain whether she is attracted to me.
    That lack of certainty is why I'm often pretty timid around girls in real-life, I hate the idea of imposing myself upon someone, whereas on Tinder or similar, that invitation is already there if you match with a girl, so I'm a lot more forward.

    Anyway so L was really keen to hang out, and we actually headed out like half an hour later. We went apple-picking. And we've made plans to go to an art gallery together.
    We'll see each other around though, we do live together lol (she is not the housemate who I have mentioned previously though). We're just both very busy with our studies atm.
    It was cool to hang with her, completely different to just sharing small-talk in our communal kitchen, and it'd be nice to spend some time together again, but I think I'll arrange one or two Tinder dates for the coming week if I can too.
    cjm and Raskolnikov like this.
  15. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Thanks!! I appreciate the encouragement!

    I think Tinder is actually really cool to use when you're at university. You're in a place where you're surrounded by intelligent, attractive, girls with a variety of interests! And Tinder is one way to meet some who you otherwise would not. Some are duds in a romantic sense of course, perhaps more than in 'real-life', and in this sense it can feel quite an inefficient way to date. Though I think I'm getting better at that, and finding what sort of profile and conversation on Tinder translates to someone I can really dig.

    I can empathise on the worry about PMO micro-doses though. It's something to consider for sure.
    For me, it's been okay. It ultimately leads to meeting real women, and I make myself use it to that end. I've met people from it and had crazy butterflies, and healthy attractions, which is my main concern.
  16. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    All in good time:)
    I go quiet when my life is dull, I've just been working these past few days. But a Tinder date today! I'm looking forward to it.
  17. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Haha, thanks, I'm pretty sure I got stood up lol.
    She had an excuse, and I'd mistakenly given her the wrong number so she couldn't get in touch, but still, I'm not going to make any more effort.
    These things happen! I can definitely see the funny side.
    She was not the one, clearly, haha.
  18. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Thank you my friend, I hope that's the case. I think I'll get another chance with another girl next week, so we'll see!

    Best dates have been mutual attraction, easy, stimulating conversation, and a nice flutter of tension too.
    They just work sometimes.
    Though I'm lucky, every girl I've met from Tinder has been very keen to meet again. Well, the ones who showed up, lol. So I'm normally the one to pass up.
    I don't think I'm particularly charismatic or charming, but I'm self-assured.
    You're right though, the area I definitely need to work upon is the messaging stage.
  19. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Thank you, you're a kind man!
  20. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    So, the good and the bad.

    I PMO'd a handful of times a couple of days ago! No harm done, but I need to stop slipping up. I've been stressed with my dissertation which I hand-in in just a couple of days, but I guess it is no excuse really.
    Either way, I think I have an extra little motivator to keep me on the straight and narrow for a while.

    I had a couple of dates over these last two of days, both from Tinder.

    The first was a really cool German girl called J. She was interesting, and ever-so kind, and we had some really nice conversation. She was pretty too, and we both want to see each other again which I'm sure will be nice. She said she really enjoyed herself. It took her 2 1/2 hours to finish one drink, so maybe she dragged it out because she was worried I wouldn't have asked her if she'd like to stay for another one, haha.

    Then I met M last night.
    I am kinda used to being underwhelmed by girls who I meet off the app a little bit. It's not always the case, but it has happened often that people present themselves in a way that is disingenuous (rather than just being flattering, which I think we all do). But M was the opposite! I think her profile, and how she described some of her achievements when we were talking online...well, I think she undersold herself.
    I was kind of awe-struck when I met her.
    She was articulate, and compassionate, and insightful, all without being too serious - she had a great sense of humour too.
    And she is phenomenally attractive. There are girls who are as attractive in different ways, but honestly, there is not another girl on the earth who is more attractive than she is. At least that's how I feel right now.
    I couldn't settle properly for the whole date, I just hope that that was endearing in some way, lol.
    Initially I was holding my ground, but then she told me she worked as a model and I was definitely intimidated for a bit!

    I think in every sense, she is a little bit out of my league honestly. But we have tentative plans to see each other again. I played it cool so she doesn't know how I feel really, and similarly I have no clue how she feels. It does feel a bit of a stretch to think that she is attracted to me though.
    However, who cares?!
    I perhaps have a second date with an otherworldly human, who is fantastic company, and who can probably teach me a lot.
    If it happens, I'll just enjoy it, without taking it for granted. YOLO. Haha.

    Hope y'all have fantastic Fridays.
    cjm likes this.

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