Slowly Getting Older

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by 200DaysMission, Apr 10, 2016.

  1. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Thank you, mate. It was actually a big help.
    They booked me in for a few more sessions, and it's all free because it's through my university.
    :) :) :)
  2. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Still a bit all over the place, but not as much so as the last time I posted. I often feel unstable and overwhelmed though. It always helps to write (note to self: I should do this more often).

    I actually have a date tomorrow, with a girl from Tinder, just going for a drink. I'm excited and nervous to meet her, she actually seems really cool. Intelligent, witty, creative, driven - she's a little older than me.
    But I don't really have any desire for a relationship, which is good, so I don't feel under any pressure. I'm not even particularly needy for a sexual release - it's nice to go for a date free from expectation or desperation.
  3. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    So the date was okay.

    We got on well, but there wasn't much chemistry. Ended up getting very drunk and she came back to mine. Tried to have sex but it didn't work great - I'd be more concerned if I had been sober (I didn't have very strong erections).
    Had a nice time, and think we'll probably see each other again, but I let her know that I'm not looking for a relationship so all I can do is be hopeful she is in the same boat - I don't want to lead anyone on. I think honesty is all I can do in that respect.

    In general feeling better with my head. Another counselling session coming up in ten days or so, and I'm looking forward to that.
  4. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Had a Tinder date with another girl.

    She was very sweet, but there wasn't much chemistry. We were meant to be hooking up, but we met and it was clear that wasn't going to happen. So we went our separate ways and she wants to meet again but I politely declined. I have zero interest in having a girlfriend, or dating, or whatever.

    Seeing the girl I met before on Sunday, and looking forward to that. I'm not hugely attracted to her (though she is pretty), but our brains click in a really awesome way. It'll be fun to hang. And I have some ed pills if I want to feel a little more confident, haven't decided yet - I tried one out of curiosity and it helped but also gave me a really bad headache.
    I think I still have faith in my ability to have sex, so long as I'm sober. So I don't know, maybe I'll have half a pill or something. Or just keep one in my bag.

    Still lost in a lot of ways. I'm being reckless in lots of ways, but I don't think its damaging.
    I'm just taking risks and trying new things. Still eating well, exercising, being sociable, counselling.
    And I'm studying well, which is the main thing. I think I can allow myself some indiscretions, so long as I keep working hard at university, and keep myself in check financially. That's my priority and I only have to concentrate for another 5 months or so.
    cjm likes this.
  5. deadofwinter

    deadofwinter Active Member

    Wow so many dates! So cool and exciting. Chemistry is a rare find, but sometimes I guess it can grow over time too.

    Trying new things and taking risks sounds like a healthy young person trying out life. As long as you stay conscious of it (and you seem to be, so that's perfect).

    I really don't have a lot too add, tbh I'm hungover and sleepy. But I just wanted you to know I'm reading your posts and would love to hear more about your tinder adventures and what not.
    all the best :)
    200DaysMission likes this.
  6. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    How was the second date?
  7. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    I actually bailed (but in plenty of time).

    She seemed really keen, which is good of course, but she didn't give me any space...messaging all the time. I felt a little constricted, like we were already in a relationship - though I told her I wasn't looking to jump into anything.
    So I asked for some space for a while (she knows about the counselling things and general lost-ness), and she was understanding.

    I have another Tinder date tomorrow, though. Again, I don't really have super-high hopes, but that's no bad thing. At the moment I'm cool to just meet people and find my feet again.

    My reckless activity last week was being a life-model. It wasn't bad, but not for me - I'm certainly no exhibitionist. And my penis looked like a shrimp - seriously! Haha, I just had to laugh.

    Thanks for checking in, Londoner. Means a lot!
    Londoner and cjm like this.
  8. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    A couple of Tinder dates over the next couple of days, they seem really nice. I've decided I'm not really interested in casual sex at the minute, and I've been honest with each girl about that and they have responded really positively. I'm looking forward to meeting them and seeing how we get on.

    I seem to have been very lucky in the past couple of weeks in that I have found myself surrounded by some really amazing women outside of Tinder too. It is definitely a healthy position to be in, as it means I'm not desperate or needy with anyone, since it feels like there are a lot of potential doors that could open. I'm feeling happy.

    Musically, things are good too, my only problems are financial but I can easily find some casual work if I feel too precarious.

    I MO'd a couple of weeks ago, but that is okay. I feel like my libido is high, and my erections have been consistently strong with pretty potent morning wood every morning lately.
    Head is doing good, and interested to see what the next couple of weeks bring.
  9. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    So met F, and we had a spark and it was fun. But she was very shy so I have reservations of how compatible we are - I didn't get to know her well.

    Then spoke that night to J, who I was meeting the next day, and she asked me what I had been up to all day. Me, being the honest fool I am, actually told her, literally just said 'I went on a date in Manchester actually' and she didn't take it great. She didn't ask me anything about it, she just told me not to contact her again.

    So I thought I'd arrange a second date with F. My initial plan was to meet them both, be polite without leading them on, and then pick one (or neither) to arrange a second date with. But with J not wanting to meet anymore, it made things easier.

    So I arranged to see F next week, and then today got a text off J saying she'd been rash and leapt to lots of conclusions, and she'd like to rearrange.
    And I said I'd already arranged another date with F, and I didn't want to date someone else now that we'd planned to see each other, or bail on her the day after we arranged. Because F has of course done nothing wrong, and been oblivious to the whole thing.

    So I'm a fool, I think J is a little bit of a fool, and F is cool.
    Just writing it out to get it clear in my head.
    Women, hey. Tinder has messed up the dating world.
    cjm likes this.
  10. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    J is probably more attracted to you now because she knows this other girl has shown an interest.
  11. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    I didn't consider that actually. Interesting, thanks.

    I'm going to see F again though and then see where I'm at.
  12. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Had a second date with F, which was really nice. And then I went on a first date with J the next day (though they were both aware).

    That date was nice too, but I get butterflies from F, so I slept on it and told J that I thought we'd just be friends.

    F has already asked to be exclusive, but this is no big deal for me because I don't like the idea of seeing two girls at once anyway. Also she stopped speaking to other people as soon as we met, so I've been lucky to get away with going on another date already haha.

    So we'll see what happens, taking things very slow, I have to look after myself. But she's a really sweet girl, and I enjoy her company. Also I probably need to rewire a little bit!
    cjm and Londoner like this.
  13. deadofwinter

    deadofwinter Active Member

    I should really give Tinder a shot again, that's what I feel like when I see you with all your dates! :)

    I hope you're enjoying yourself. finding the right person to spend your time with is just a matter of meeting a lot of people and having fun.

    If you have any tips for me do tell. I haven't had a date in .. a long time
  14. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Thank you!

    It is fun, mainly. F's coming over on Wednesday to spend the night which will be nice, she lives a couple of hours away so it'll be fun to spend a chunk of time together.

    I am still occasionally feeling very overwhelmed though. My last relationship was a nightmare for the last month of it, and I had my breakdown when it finished badly, haha. I still cry a lot about it, and the thought of spending time with girls often triggers it. But I think it's important to expose myself to slowly trusting someone again, and trying to feel comfortable with the thought of letting myself be a little vulnerable.'re following the only one I'd offer.
    Keep working at yourself, your art, your body, challenge yourself. The girls will come, and as you keep on bettering yourself, they'll be more attractive and more interesting girls.
    Hope things are well with you, mate - thanks for dropping by!
  15. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Had fun with F when she came over. Told her I wasn't ready to have sex, but we were naked a lot together and we had a really nice shower. I M'd the evening after she left because my balls were so blue.

    She is really sweet!! Just super shy, still. I can definitely sympathise because I know when you're shy other people can interpret that as being uninteresting or cold. So I'm still really happy to get to know her better, and see what personality she has under her loveliness. She is very affectionate though, and playful, which I really admire.
    When she's at ease, if she interests me intellectually then it's go go go as far as I'm concerned haha. So I'm hopeful, but we'll see. Very conscious about not wanting to lead her on to far before we have that connection. Though enjoying the time spent in her company.

    Staying at hers tomorrow for the first time:)
    cjm likes this.
  16. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Stayed over at F's, and had a nice time. There were a couple of points where I was thinking 'YES! She's amazing, I can see this working really well', but also other times when I was much less sure. It feels like two steps forward and one step back a lot of the time. So I think it's best just to continue going on as normal.
    I want to see her again, and as she's on holiday for a bit now, it'll give me some time to think. I feel hopeful that when we see each other again, I'll be more certain of how I feel about her. I think it will be exciting to see her again after 2/3 weeks anticipation, she is very passionate and it's fun.

    Outside of girl-talk, I've been feeling really run-down. My diet is good, I exercise regularly, so I'm not sure what's going on - though I'm sure the weather doesn't help.
    I hope I get my buzz back again soon though! I've been drinking a little alcohol lately though, I'll take a break from that.

    Also COME ON ENGLAND! Haha, how fun was Tuesday?!
    cjm and Londoner like this.
  17. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Fallen off the wagon a bit, PMO'd five times these past few days.
    It's amazing (and frightening) how quickly all the negative feelings come back. I don't feel particularly happy anymore, my anxiety has increased, and my motivation has tailed off. I've lost that sense of stableness that I always get when I avoid PMO.
    It was triggered by some insecurity about F, and some other non-girl stress, and then stumbling upon some mildly arousing images. I thought she was going to end things with me. She's having doubts and she still might, but I feel like a jerk for giving in to PMO.
    I'm going to go clean again now. I WILL. I feel like shit now and I need to remind myself. Even if it's not a case of falling back into old habits, it's just pointless PMO'ing. It does me no good, but we're all fallible. Must be stronger.
    Londoner likes this.
  18. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    I went clean, and then F broke up with me, and I slipped back into it for a couple of days.

    I was a bit gutted, but also she had been messing me around for nearly two weeks and it's nice to be free from that anxiety. So I'm getting over it quicker than I thought I would. I don't think she was the one, but I wasn't ready for it to end. So mixed feelings, but not distraught by any stretch.
    Will sort myself out now, going to reinstall a filter on my computer for a while. Have also blocked internet access from my computer for 12 hours a day, just as a little experiment.
    Time for some me time, but not that sort ^ lol.
    Interesting to see whether I go back to Tinder, but honestly at the minute I really can't be bothered. I've given it a go with a few girls from there now, and honestly think I much enjoy meeting people in real life. The only draw back is confidence, I haven't asked a girl I haven't met online on a date in maybe 5 years (wow). But I do seem to be more into the girls I meet in real life, so I think I'll give things a go down this avenue.
    We'll see. First up, some abstinence.
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2018
    cjm likes this.
  19. deadofwinter

    deadofwinter Active Member

    I'm sorry to hear about F! But I'm glad you're free from the anxiety and doubts, which is the worst.

    I've also started to climb back up on the wagon again, after a while of PMO'ing.

    Asking a girl in real life, I haven't ever done it! It seems like the weirdest scariest hardest thing.

    I hope you're doing better now! Also, omg, I don't even belong in this section of the forum anymore, I'm 25 now. Oh no.
  20. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    It's good to hear from you! I'm glad things are looking up too.
    And happy birthday, whenever it was.

    Thanks, I feel a bit confused about the situation, but positive about getting back into good habits.
    All the best!

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