Slowly Getting Older

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by 200DaysMission, Apr 10, 2016.

  1. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Been MO'ing a little. Maybe once a week, normally with my long distance girlfriend, a couple of times without.
    I don't know how I feel about it. I'm a little scared of getting ED again. Even though none of my symptoms are there.
    I'm not going to MO again from here on in. I have three weeks before I see her.
     
    deadofwinter and Londoner like this.
  2. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Haven't MO'd, but hat 3 wet dreams in succession last night, crazy.

    The relationship has been difficult lately, and I'm not as excited to go and visit her as I once was.
    But, it's been a long time since we saw each other, I'm still looking forward to being with her, just a little nervous. It's hard to imagine what to expect.
    I leave in a few days.

    Hope you're all doing well!
     
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  3. deadofwinter

    deadofwinter Active Member

    Wow 3 wds! Incredible. I almost want to say.. congrats?

    Happy to hear you're still going strong though!!
    It'll be good for you two to be together in real life again, in any case. Physical connection helps and is part of a relationship, more than just in a superficial lust way. Anyway, you already know all that stuff. Just wanted to leave a post that's more than my two silly sentences. Good luck and keep us noted on how it turned out! :)
     
  4. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    So!

    I got home, a few days ago actually.
    It was a nice trip, I'm not in love yet, but I feel closer to her, and I had a good time.

    With regards to the sex...it wasn't great, but it was okay. I didn't have any ED as such, but I lost my erections very quickly when we changed positions, and I didn't have the strongest erections I'm capable of! I think this will help improve the sex, but there were also other factors out of my control.
    I think all the sexting and the occasional masturbation may have taken its toll a little though.

    So I'm going to go NoA until I see her again, which should be around Easter.
    By which point - I'LL BE A WHOLE YEAR OFF ACTUAL PORN HOLY MOLEY!! The only artificial stimulation I will have had will have been from my girlfriend. And one girl off twitter a while ago, oops, haha.
     
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  5. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Been reflecting on the trip I made in January.

    The sex actually started off great, and there were some real highlights, but some real low moments too.

    We've spoken about it since, and she had a lot going on in her head, but she was kinda self absorbed in her own problems - she didn't realise the effect her behaviour was having on me. I felt pretty undesired for a lot of the trip, and I told her so at the time, and since.
    There was quite a lot of weirdness, not just sexually, but we've talked.

    So things feel a little more hopeful, but I guess we'll just wait and see.


    I've been sticking to the noA pretty well though, and think I left flatline a few days ago. Since then it's been harder to reign in the fantasising, I get aroused so easily, but I've been doing a good job mainly, and no artificial stimulation.
    Also just asked for some space in general from B, and though this went disastrously, I think she is over the shock and I feel a little more carefree.

    Might be visiting at Easter, if I can get the money together. It's a huge financial commitment, and I don't think she fully appreciates that yet. But sure all will become clear when it's her turn to visit:)
     
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  6. deadofwinter

    deadofwinter Active Member

    Speaking as a person who has been very self-absorbed in relationships/life in general, I'm sorry to hear you felt that way on the trip!

    I think it's really good that you talked about it. Me and my (ex)gf never really talked that well and eventually, it'll lead to more shitty feelings for both sides. I never quite understood how focused I was on myself and my problems, causing her to feel neglected. The thing is, it never even crossed my mind, and she either didn't talk about it clearly enough, or I was too deaf to hear it.

    also:
    Jesus, almost one year with0ut porn. How the f. I'm so proud. Your 100DaysMission really took off eh? ;)

    I'm curious, how's the working life, music, art etc?
     
  7. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Thanks for checking in mate, I appreciate it hugely:)

    Yes, I feel very much like the other in that situation. If I could hear her say the things you've just written, it'd help a lot to be honest. I want to keep talking about it, and explaining, but also not end up having her feel like she's being criticised. I'm not sure what to do.


    My life is good thank you. A LDR is expensive, so I'm working a lot, but I'm finding my feet doing lots of musical things - instrumental teaching is taking off, and I'm getting quite a lot of new students.
    And I'm still at university, which I enjoy a lot. My life will be much scarier when I'm properly on the open road, haha.
    But you can blaze a trail for me - I find it inspiring to hear what you get up to, even if you don't feel inspirational yourself:)
     
  8. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    What a ten days.
    I've been through some trauma. Still a bit all over the place, PMO'd twice today, though that's not excusing it.
    I don't want to share much on here, just writing that the PMO stops here, again. I haven't done too much damage, but also didn't get a great deal out of it (it wasn't the release I'd hoped for).
    Going to stay clean, and work my way through some of the problems I have at the minute.
     
  9. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    In the interests of accountability...4.
    Sigh
     
  10. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    So often the case but so easy to forget each time!
     
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  11. deadofwinter

    deadofwinter Active Member

    Mate, I came here and saw your posts just now. Sad to hear that you went through a tough thing. I'll come here a little more often to support you like you always have done for me too.

    It's now Wednesday, how are you doing?

    Thinking of PMO as something that will make you feel better is a slippery slope, so I'm glad you agree that it doesn't. God, I have to learn that lesson almost every two weeks.
    We're kind of on the same 'day', PMO wise. I'm on a few days more, but let's use this brotherly power to inspire each other.

    Things will get better again! Keep writing here, I'll keep checking back daily.
     
  12. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Thanks DoW,

    Things are still really rough honestly. I've applied for counselling, and it starts in two weeks so hopefully things will have settled a little by then at least.
    At least it's been 3 days no PMO, I can control that.
     
  13. deadofwinter

    deadofwinter Active Member

    :/ I'm hoping for things to get better mate!
    Yes, control the things you can control. It's good of you to seek some counseling! gr8
     
  14. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    MO'd once a few days ago. I woke up at an inopportune moment from a sexual dream, and I gave in - I can hardly remember it.
    But all clear aside from that.

    I start counselling on Thursday so it's getting close, and I'm generally feeling a little better. Just down with a cold at the moment.
    But I have put in place things that I'm looking forward to over the next few weeks, so feeling hopeful:)
     
  15. deadofwinter

    deadofwinter Active Member

    Hope you feel better soon, I too, have a cold atm.

    Glad you're sounding more positive again!
     
    200DaysMission likes this.
  16. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    What for, specifically? Depression?
     
  17. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Not quite, my mental health is generally good.
    But I had a quite upsetting experience, that really shook me up, so just getting some help to deal with that:)
     
  18. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Cool, hope it goes well.
     
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  19. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    PMO'd today, it's been very infrequent but I don't really want to go down that road again, so writing here!

    It's been a tough month, but it's no excuse. Hopefully I can use counselling as a fresh start tomorrow.
    If not, I'm moving into a new house next week, and I'm sure that will give me a nice springboard!

    Obviously I can't just move house each time I PMO, haha, but in the past it's often been the catalyst for a really good streak, so I'm not feeling too disheartened.
     
  20. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Good luck!
     

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