Slowly Getting Older

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by 200DaysMission, Apr 10, 2016.

  1. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    So I'm back, I lost my account because I didn't log on for a couple of years.

    I was in a good place, not completely No-Fap, but I could count on my hands the number of relapses I had each year. Though that wasn't all that important to me at the time. My head was good, mentally I was sharp, confidence was growing and physically I was full of life.

    I'm not quite back where I started, but I can feel myself slipping down that road again. Right now I'm not where I want to be, but my motivation is waning, so I'm here to start a journal to get me through the first few weeks again.

    The saddest thing about joining here again is the last time I had a journal, I was posting in the Youngest group, now I'm in the 20-24. It's sad how much of your life this thing can consume, and how quickly.
    Though on the flip side, there's so much more discussion circling around pornography addiction nowadays than when I first signed up in 2012. This is a great thing, and in part down to all of you guys who've helped bring our issues into the public domain.

    As someone who, without being perfect, achieved quite a lot, I want to help and encourage you all, and give you a nudge as to the things that might catch you out a little further down the line.

    Keep fighting the good fight brothers!
  2. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    Wait 'til you're two groups further - then it gets really depressing. :D
  3. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Yeah I guess, how're you getting on?
  4. Fapstronaut

    Fapstronaut "Now that I know better, I do better"

    Welcome back to the board :)

    What are your short term goals to get back on track then?
  5. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Hi No_Fapstronaut, thanks!

    I'd like to get to 100 again. But my short term is 4 weeks, if I get into the 30 day region I tend to make it stick for quite a while. What're yours?
  6. Fapstronaut

    Fapstronaut "Now that I know better, I do better"

    Short term is rewire the dopamine addiction to positive behaviours. Long term is permanently no P use at all
  7. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Wish you all the best brother.
  8. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    So day one done. I've been here many times before, but the longest journey starts off with the smallest of steps.

    It's been a good start, some pornography masquerading as journalism popped up on my Facebook feed and I scrolled right past that, it sometimes catches me out because it's easier to justify watching something that arouses you when its perpetrating to be something else. It's scary and sad how much of what we digest everyday is sexual in its nature, whether we realise it or not.
    But a good start for day one.

    I'm also going to try to stop checking out girls. On previous streaks, I've almost encouraged this, as I thought it would aid re-wiring. But, I think more importantly, it perpetuates any subconscious misogyny I undoubtedly have. So no second looks from here on in.

    Happy thoughts!
  9. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    So true, I get caught out by this so much.

    However, I'm finding this so difficult. It's just an in-built response to look and look again.

    It's all linked though. The advice I've been given in my journal is to really stop thinking about finding a girlfriend and just be happy in myself. And once this happens I'm sure I'll be able to stop looking and just focus on myself. Not sure if this applies to you?
  10. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

  11. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Day 3. Good again. Up nice and early this morning.

    Last night I was at a loose end with what to do with myself, booted up my computer and starting writing some music again, haven't done so in ages, forgot how much I enjoy it, and the time flies by. Will do the same tonight as well as I've already busted off everything I had to do today and it's only 5 o'clock.

    Keep strong all!
  12. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Another day down, didn't sleep great, will make sure to meditate at some point today.

    Struggling to quantify progress in terms of not checking out girls all the time. I mean, I look at everyone I walk past everyday, and because I'm short-sighted it's normally when they're approaching me. And I'm noticing even in this split-second I have time to evaluate how attractive I think a girl is, and if she's wearing a low-cut top, my brain screams BOOBS.
    Hopefully in time those thoughts will subside, though I'm happy that I'm not second-looking at any girl. Even if my brain's screaming at me to.

    Everything else going well, got a good feeling about this streak (famous last words). This forum is really a great place and this journal is doing me a lot of good.

    We got this guys!
  13. deadofwinter

    deadofwinter Active Member

    Those screaming brains will pass, seriously. It's not like boobs become completely powerless, in my case it's just that I have a lot more awesome things on my mind to care so much about them. Haha.
    IT WILL BE OKAY! Just keep on going on. Never give in and things will become easier. Giving in is the thing that makes everything so much more difficult.
    Good luck ;D
  14. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    I'm completely the same, except I'm still automatically taking those second glances. It's just so ingrained. :(
  15. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Thanks for the support Londoner! I hope they do subside, that will be some nice progress for me.
    I'm feeling good about this run, thanks for checking in, and hope you get through today. I'll check back on your journal later :)
  16. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Day 4 down.

    Still doing good! Though I've done week-long streaks a lot this year so far, just a case of building up a good process for when the going gets a little tougher. After coming out of a PMO binge my dick is always dead for several days, so it's easy not to PMO so long as you avoid porn, my distraction game is strong at the minute. I always struggle when libido comes back and I don't have any sexual outlet. Time will tell if I'm stronger.

    Keep going guys! Hope you're all doing well :)
  17. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    5 days.

    Been writing loads of music, and getting up real nice and early. It's slowly becoming a new lifestyle alongside the no-PMO which I am sure will help the journey.

    Still well in flat-line, expecting to stay there for another couple of weeks most likely. Though no mood swings or cravings. I've begun this reboot from a better place than my first, so I don't expect changes to happen as quickly, or to be as drastic. Though that doesn't mean this attempt is any less important, arguably it makes it more so. I need to rediscover that upwards trajectory again.

    Hope you all have a good day!
  18. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member


    Had a proper strange dream last night, about pornography. I won't go into all the details so as not to trigger anyone, but it revolved around a PMO session. I get these every reboot, so I was not all too surprised, and I know they pass. Though it's nice to be dreaming again, means I'm getting a lot of REM sleep...I never seem to dream until I stop PMO, maybe that's why we're all so tired.
    Anyhow, expecting a wet dream in the next couple of weeks at least, and probably some morning wood again, I feel like I'm just starting to creep out of flatline - which is brilliant!

    This journal is helping a lot. I'm trying to have a read through 3 or 4 new ones a day, as well as keeping tabs on those I already follow.

    Hope you all have a good day. Spring is springing, and if we all keep on the straight and narrow from here on in, we're going to be in a much better place by summer.
  19. deadofwinter

    deadofwinter Active Member

    You're doing good! Almost a week :)
    Spring is indeed springing. Let us make the coming summer one to remember.
  20. dontgiveup

    dontgiveup Member

    Any ED problems?

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